Day 395- Take the next step

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to obsess in my mind over those I am jealous of and envious of instead of taking the next step that is indicated by such enby and jealously, as the next step to align myself and stand equal to those I am in separation of. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to waste time playing around serving no meaning or not purpose through video games, internet, any form of wasteful time management instead of taking the next step as the next direct physical action I need to do and realize is best. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make a mess of my life with so much that needs to be done and so much moving inside of me as so to control and manipulate and create such resistance to taking my next step of physical chore, duty, activity that I might simply give up, take a nap, do something distracting, find a less effective way to spend my time to resign myself from service. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take responsibility for my entire life as being an endless series of next steps that much be taken which I must plan out even beyond the estimated time I am likely to live into over a hundred years old still giving myself a next step and a next means of serving and being of service. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be self honest about what the next step is, where there can be many pitfalls where I might consider something productive, yet on some level I know that I could be doing something more meaningful or more valuable and I must have brutal self honestly to admit this and recognize that not all task that require discipline and work and effort are all of the same value or purpose. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exercise too much, where just as I can exercise too little, I can also have too much fun playing basketball per say where I might spend more time than is needed due to being intoxicated by the thrill of playing ball, and yet basketball serves a purpose that I should not abuse by playing for too long then my needed and allotted time for exercise. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take the next steps in building my business where I must again be in a state of total self honesty to recognize when to step back and when to step forward, when to study the craft and trade, and when it is time to take action and stop procrastinating on the actual work that must be done for any real success to be achieved. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge what I am describing as becoming the beast and the soldier and the robot designed only for absolute efficiently and merciless effectiveness as being too much to take on and not fair to me still defending my freedom to be lazy and ineffective and not honest about what is really at stake here. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tolerate anything else from me than to be unstoppable, always moving myself to take the next step, always pushing my limits, always challenging what is possible, always calmly smoothly and steadily moving forward to take the next physical action that will lead to the creation of my ultimate goal of myself and the world as what is best as a perfect system of self and a perfect system of the external world as a reflection of that same perfected self.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not show myself as an example of greatness of what can be achieved when I am standing, when I am relentless, when I am a beast of the physical present here still and breathing acting in certainty in self trust, creating something that will stand for generations to come. 

When and as I see myself feeling anxious and tight in my chest feeling that the next step is too hard that I cannot take another step towards my goal, to move myself to another physical action that will challenge me and shape who I am, I stop, I breathe, I realize that as long as I am still alive and breathing this is who I am and what will be done one way or another, thus, I commit myself to make my life and everyone's life easier by without a moment of doubt or hesitation to move myself to the next physical action that is required of me. 

I commit myself to lay down to sleep when it is scheduled and when it is required of me. 

I commit myself to manage my time more effectively between a agreement to do such between me and my partner wife. 

I commit myself to make no excuses for myself where I can see my time being managed more effectively to accomplish more in a day, and to plan my time out in the longest term as well as the shortest term possible. 

I commit myself to get organized to create an environment where my ability to function and create can prosper. 

I commit myself to read and study not just the Desteni materials but also the words of those who have come before or even alive still who have taken the time to make a record of their own process and journey through life. 

I commit myself to equalize myself with those I am jealous or envious of through taking such separation and limitation I have created as a challenge that I am not just trying to stop myself from reacting towards another but I am trying to take on the same words I see in another onto myself and into my own living and application. 

I commit myself to be the monster that I would like to see in the world, something that is endlessly and relentlessly on a mission that without certainty cannot be achieved in it's own lifetime. 

I commit myself to be the monster that will do anything to achieve my goal of creating the best system and world and self possible despite knowing that to change this whole world in my lifetime is beyond unlikely and so going into battle knowing that failure is certain, that I can only leave a trail and set a foundation for those to come, to be the set of shoulders that the children of the future might stand upon together creating timelessness.