Day 396- feeling weak

 I feel weak. 

Some how it's something that is very hard to admit. Like, I could see myself going to absolutely any length to hide and prevent myself and anyone else from seeing me as weak. 

I see in this moment to build myself up, to create myself, to give myself value, to truly be strong on a deep core level, not just muscle strength to lift heavy weights, but the strength of integrity, I can see it will take time and in this moment I feel vulnerable, that I can see and another might see too that I am not living the strength that I wish to live. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel vulnerable due to feeling weak, that I won't get what I want in life, and won't be able to create the life that I want because I will reflect what is inside of me and inside of me I see weakness not worth great things and great creation. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become weak by creating myself through feelings instead of through actions. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what the consequences of me living out weakness might be for myself and for others. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wish that I could become strong in an instant that 'I know what strength is now so I deserve it now'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to turn an eye of myself and others as equal to not see me in this moment where I see of myself weakness not able to be and create and express on the level of which I want and would prefer. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become weak by trying to realize and live and attain strength through force. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let this feeling of weakness define me and distract me where I may feel weak, but on some level I know who I am is more than this feeling in a moment. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself within this moment of feeling weak instead of being honest with myself about how I can use this moment of feeling weak to stand for myself as creation in the flesh where my feeling of being weak and strong are both limiting my real ability to create myself physically. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel too weak to face the challenges of whatever may come for me in my life. 

When and as I see myself feeling weak, I stop, I breathe, I realize that a feeling does not denote my real strength, thus, I commit myself to move myself to live what I realize is strength in the flesh. 

I commit myself to sit up and correct my posture to create strength. 

I commit myself to exercise and move my body to create strength. 

I commit myself to challenge myself to speak with others and support myself and others by cross referencing and sharing with them to build strength. 

I commit myself to increase my income that I make each year to build up my strength. 

I commit myself to stop drinking coffee to build up my strength and focus on creating strength through the real food I eat and consume apposed to coffee which I do not drink to nourish my body but drink to force myself into motion and action instead of creating it for myself organically.