Day 203- Redefine Effort

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live effort as when I feel I have no choice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only live effort when it comes naturally to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to completely limit myself in my life my seriously limiting my living and expressing of the word effort.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not put effort into things within myself because I don't care.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not put the effort in to care about things.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define caring as shameful.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define caring as weak.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become shameful and weak by not caring showing me that caring is the opposite of how I've been living it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as shameful and weak as I realize I've become who I am because I didn't care enough to put effort into my living, but now I need to forgive myself for not caring to put effort into my life so I can change my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be mad at myself for not reaching a greater potential in my life by putting more effort into my life and caring more.

Within this I realize how I go into anger for not living to a greater potential, which ironically continues to limit me to being angry about not having lived differently, but not willing to change right now within the realization that I could put more effort into my living.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not put effort because I hold resentment towards myself for putting myself into the situation I am in for not having pushed myself harder.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold resentment towards the past instead of doing what's right as forgiving myself and moving forward, as I realize there is nothing else to it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my pride get in the way of forgiving myself for not having put enough effort and care into my living and moving forward.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as unable to be proud of myself as I realize pride doesn't even mean much of anything to me outside of my mind so there's no reason it should matter.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let myself be too proud to forgive myself within realizing that I don't deserve to suffer for making mistakes, I should be able to learn naturally through real time what works best and what doesn't without prejudice against myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect from myself things that I have no reason to expect except out of emotional grief and guilt.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty for not having invested more effort and care into my life as I remember in self honesty I was so caught up in so much in my own head that even once I had the tools to write things out in self forgiveness things were already reaching a critical mass where I should be proud that I stuck it out to this point and put in the effort I did as I see how it's now paying off in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put as little effort into things as possible because eventually I'll be forced to put the effort in, by having to survive, as survive school, relationships, emotions, feelings, experiences, work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let things happen naturally as instinct and survival instead of putting the effort in and making things better, as thriving apposing to surviving.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not live the word effort as giving myself as life a chance to thrive and make something of myself apposed to just surviving and only being able to look out for myself if even that.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to force myself to survive more then just the money structure on earth but my own mind on top of it making things infinitely more difficult and leading me to feel like my efforts are completely inane.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that putting in effort is pointless as I realize I've been putting in all my effort to thwart my own mind which is impossible to thwart only to forgive and then change so that could have given me a false impression of the value of work and effort and care in living.

When and as I see myself not directing myself to put effort as live the word effort within myself, I stop, I breathe, I realize I would be better off to put more effort into my living within my actions and within myself in each breathe, thusly, I commit myself to put more effort into my living in my actions and each breathe I take.

I redefine effort as putting energy into something.

So when I don't put any energy into doing anything or changing anything I am eventually forced to put in the effort out of survival, so by putting in the energy I can allow myself to thrive instead of survive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be confused by how much effort I need to put into things, as I realize if I don't establish something for myself and put it to the test then I'll end up having no direction and facing consequences as my guidelines which is not preferred.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to victimize myself with emotional confusion as I realize I'm distracting myself from making a line and testing it and living it and instead put myself in a victim position where I'll take advantage of myself and will end up facing consequences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play the victim abuser role within myself when I allow myself to be possessed and directed by confusion which give me no strength or will to make any decisions for myself just spins my head in loops until something snaps and I'm faced with consequences I was not prepared for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stop the victim abuser complex within myself by just establishing a reasonable bar of effort to set within myself and expand from there, where there'll always be elements that will only open up and be realized by conflict but by taking the head forward role in the effort to change my life and to forgive myself the consequences I must face can be miniscual and painless.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel ashamed and not want to face myself for putting in effort that is the most I can feasibly conceive of.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for not setting the bar as high as I can imagine as I realize in reality this is not plausible livable, or reasonable, it's a pipe dream.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not set bars for myself at all because I know I can never be the best I can imagine myself being in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself by imagining expectations for myself which are beyond what is reasonable or even possible within effort and how much work to put into self forgiveness and things which apply to my process of change and sharing it with others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear taking the wheel and simply asking myself what do I think is reasonable and what is a tolerable spectrum of a little less or a little more I do each day, some days I do a little less self forgiveness, some days I do a little more, as long as I'm reaching my bar of reasonable effort, I realize it's better to set a low bar then not set a bar and not give myself any direction except achieving the impossible for no apparent reason.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be spiteful towards myself in limiting myself to the all or nothing ultimatum where either I achieve the best I possibly could imagine or else I'm not even going to bother directing myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be reasonable with myself as realizing I'm born with inherit sin, inherit problems within myself as well as the world around me, as I realize to expect me to thrive and be perfect given the circumstances faced within reality is imposing more problems then are being fixed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to impose my all or nothing ultimatum as within this being and becoming the very problem with the world as being hateful unreasonable and stubborn.

When and as I see myself imposing my all or nothing ultimatum of how much effort to put into things, I stop, I breathe, I realize in doing this I create problems instead of solutions, thusly, I commit myself to give myself direction as a solution as establishing a reasonable
bar of how much effort to put into things based on trial and error and real time application.