Day 257- schedule

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I like being scheduled, but it's hard to keep my schedule when I make it very challenging that I want to give up, or when I don't want to push through the resistance.

Schedule

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry when I give up on my schedule.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry that I have to face the decision to follow through or my schedule or not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry when I see that following my schedule is the best I can be and I decide not to go for my best but betray my schedule.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel good in deciding to go against my schedule where it feels good to have the weight of what I'm supposed to do lifted and being able to do something I prefer to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a failure when I don't keep up my schedule where I then enjoy being a failure because I don't have to keep trying and face my failing if I just am a failure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the definition of being a failure to ensure that I don't face why I'm not maintaining my schedule.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed mysekf to call myself a failure so I won't try to keep working at my schedule.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use being a failure as an excuse.

I forgive myself that I have a accepted and allowed myself to not go through with my schedule when I'm not in the mood.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed mysekf to abandon my schedule without looking at what I could still do or what the problem is that I cannot commit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as I did as a kid where I just wanted to do the minimum required and to get away without having to do anything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed mysekf to judge myself when I was a kid for always trying to postpone and get out of anything I had to do where within this judgement I see how it is still existing towards me in how I still try to do the bare minimum and postpone and get out of whatever I need to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed mysekf to define schedules as being a burden.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define schedules as the weight where I don't have time to do what I want to do and have to go do my schedule.

When and as I see myself being angry when I don't follow through on my schedule, I stop, I breathe, I realize my schedule is meant to support me, so if I don't support myself through my schedule I just need to question what's happening, thus, I commit myself to cut down on my schedule if I need to, because I see it is better to complete the schedule I have then to schedule too much and not follow through on any of it.

I redefine schedule as the best opprituinuty to spend my time planned for me.

I commit myself to support myself in remaining consistent in my plans and schedule and commitments by scheduling and committing mysekf to less rather then more when I see that it id better to complete less then take on more and become overwhelmed and totally give up on everything.