Day 262- exploring self forgiveness in weird ways

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I want to be taking on direct things like scheduling, improving my words, my actions.

The moments when I need to stop myself when I'm feeding into something within myself.

Like if I'm actively feeding into a day dream and i have to directly stop it is more direct, but then say I get more consistent to the point that I stop the day dreaming before I can even consciencely see im day dreaming, so I did the self forgiveness for it the correction, then lived the entire thing by directly taking myself out of the day dream and just refocusing myself and that was the direct part, so then that happening without even thinking of not even having to any longer think to stop the day dream buy doing it without even hardly noticing so then it becomes I'm just living it, I just do it as part of myself.

So things that once I hsf to put a lot of direct effect into can become more naturally more of an expression of myself more a part of what I'm living.

Sometimes I might try something different or weird to just see what would happen, because these tools are fairly new and it's fun to see what does and doesn't work and how it all works.

As long as I'm keeping it all in balance, the direct things, and the random things just to see what happens, and just whatever as long as there's a balance where im focusing on the essentials like emotions feeling reactions braking down subconscious backchat looking at unconscious behavior and actions then it all just comes together.

So if I say something that doesn't make sense in how self forgiveness is usually applied then maybe it's just something that relates to me very specifically or maybe I'm just testing something out because it's a tool that needs to be explored a lot.

So for something weird I was planning to just work on alone, but it's also interesting maybe worth sharing.

For around a couple years I was going through a lot and just wanted to try to walk my process through breathing, through stopping everything in each breathe, I don't know what I accomplished outside of realizing the only way to walk things out for real was in words in self forgiveness, where what i was doing suddenly seemed futile without self forgiveness and correction.

But I wonder if I could take that concept I was trying to apply I each breathe and utilize self forgiveness along with it, what could i do with that?

So to take everything moving within me of my mind in each breathe, and ground it within the physical.

The idea being that nothing specific which to stop and breathe through might ever come up every so often, but to in each breathe take everything I can of my mind and ground it is basically what I tried to do for a while, but maybe with self forgiveness it can become more plausible.

So that's a weird interesting idea to apply in self forgiveness, I don't know if that means anything or if it would work, but I know what it means to me personally and how I would imagine it working.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sit around for many breathes not doing anything in particular but waiting for a point to come up to deal with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed mysekf to wait for a point to come up within me where I know I can trigger a bunch of stuff to come up within me at any given moment I just prefer the quiet of nothing really happening.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enjoy the quiet of nothing particularly happening where I in this moment see I can take advantage of each breathe and in each breathe take as much as I can in a single breathe of my mind and establish myself in relationship to as much of my mind of everything moving within myself in a single breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give myself instructions to be working on in each breathe where otherwise I'm just waiting for something particular to come up and sometimes lots of things come up but nothing so particular that i can really wrap myself around it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give myself some kind of process to be walking in each breathe where I expect things to just sort out on their own and for me to just take on the big points in self forgiveness and correction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider that I need to direct myself to be walking things out in each breathe not just when they come up around me, but taking as much as I can in each breathe and walking it out constantly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself to actually be able to do something in each breathe where I take everything I can from my mind and then breathe through it all and ground it and direct myself in relationship to as much as I can where I don't know if that is real or would work, but what I do realize is that it's no different then my usual resting state where nothing particular is moving within me but I can still feel a presence of energy like where I've settled energetically.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my energetic resting point as being the way I'm suppose to be where I know when I'm in this state where I get home from work and I'm just resting that I can feel it's like I'm suspended in goo, like nothing really is happening, or then when I'm at work my energetic resting point is different because I'm in constant motion.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear how used to my energetic resting point I am that I won't be able to change it into taking everything and then walking it out in each breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to waste time not accomplishing anything when I could be accomplishing something in each breathe by taking as much as I can within myself and then walking it out as much as I can in each breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being capable of living out my idea.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be doing something as walking out everything I can within in each breathe where I have learnt that I'm suppose to experience myself a certain way which has never been specified in school or communication with anyone where the experience of self in each moment is usually described by emotions and feelings apposed to deeper elements.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself to obey my instructions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself to follow through on my idea because I know that I don't have to because I can't make myself do anything if I decide not to do it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not follow the instructions of my idea where even if it doesn't work it's better to try then not try and be the same way i am every day instead of trying something special.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be distracted within my mind with things that are there just to distract me instead of focusing myself and my effort into taking my mind and walking it out in each breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be tired when this tiredness does not help me walk out my mind it just makes me sleepy and then I go to sleep and then I don't accomplish anything in my sleep where I could be in each breathe walking things out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get caught up in focusing on things outside of myself where I could look to myself at all times and walk out as much of myself that I can in each breathe at all times.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself to have the talent to live out my new technique.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not value different types of technique within my process as I realize that everybody is walking their process for the first time on earth through self forgiveness and that different things should be tested and explored as different techniques.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear how much energy it would require to constantly be acting out my new technique as I realize that if I was living it and expressing it the way it's intended then I would have more energy because I would be living in a way where I constantly walk out my mind which is draining my energy.

When and as I see myself energetically settling into a certain suspension within myself, I stop, I breathe, I realize I could be taking everything in my mind and walking it out in each breathe instead which would be better, thus, I commit myself to take everything within my mind and walk it out as much as I can whenever I see myself just suspended within an experience within myself not really accomplishing anything.

This I don't know if it will work out or not, but it's fun to test different ideas, and I can see how I might elaborate on it later on to expand the groundwork here.

This is my example of a fun idea to try out just to see what you can do.

Where it's easy to open up anxiety or stress or anger or feelings, or whatever, but it's really challenging to take on an idea that I don't know if it will actually function or not.