I forgive myself
for accepting and allowing myself to wonder why I am not being more successful
within my directing of myself here as stopping, breathing, and correcting of
all points I realize needing correction, including my behaviors and immediate
reactions, not just the stopping of them after they have already occurred.
I forgive myself
for accepting and allowing myself to not give to myself the power to realize
what is occurring within me without having to ask the question of ‘what’s
happening?’.
I forgive myself
for accepting and allowing myself to give power over myself to the thought of
‘what’s happening?’.
I forgive myself
for accepting and allowing myself to not trust myself to give to myself the
understanding of what is occurring within myself and my world without the need
to have the thought of ‘what’s happening?’.
I forgive myself
for accepting and allowing myself to have the thought of ‘what’s happening?’,
because I do not want to face within myself the self honesty of knowing what is
happening in the world outside and inside without question because it is all
equal and one with me.
I commit myself
to give to myself the understanding of what is happening without the need for
myself to ask myself within my mind as a thought.
I commit myself
to stop breathe and correct when and as I see myself going into the expierence
of the thought .what’s happening?’ in regards to the expierence of falling
within my self correction as self directing through stopping, breathing, and
correcting.
Today initially I
was satisfied within myself with how I was standing within myself in regards to
my breathing within my self correction, but I was not standing totally here
within each point to the degree I see that I must be doing so, and so something
happened to push me in the right direction.
I started to feel
like I needed to reconsider how I was allowing myself to be directed within
myself.
And the thought
came of ‘Whoah, What’s happening?’
I don’t need to
have this thought ask the questions that I need to ask for myself, to myself,
as myself.
In stopping,
breathing, and correcting all points within me, as this moment as writing
myself to freedom, I see that I need to stop expecting myself to be capable of
directing all points within myself to such an excellent degree… Not because I
cannot, but because I have not allowed myself to direct all points within
myself to the degree that I can stop all points completely as soon as I
recognize them.
I have been
acting under the assumption that there is this switch in my head that I can
just turn on if I could simply get the generator as energy pumping inside of
me.
This is all
coordinated with me addressing the point of energy addiction within me over the
past few days.
I see that within
me I see what I am trying to do, but I don’t seem to have the capacity within
myself to act it out for real, so I take a step back here and question things.
If I want to be
able to direct myself in my life to this extent, I should not expect myself to
instantly be able to accomplish this, and in a sense, in not taking a step back
and giving to myself self honesty and self forgiveness in regards to what’s
occurring, I’m just praying that eventually everything will come together in
this harmonious way, that just doesn’t seem to ever occur for real.
I forgive myself
for accepting and allowing myself to expect myself to be able to walk through
my points of mind and expierence within my day, without having actually given
myself the tools necessary.
It’s like if all
I write out is a few layers of a particular point, and then suddenly expect
myself to be able to walk through it in breathe and self correction the first
and next time I encounter the point, when really it could take years of writing
out different layers, different realizations, different relations, and even
then something else might come up that stands in the way.
When I see myself
not being able to direct myself to the best of my abilities,
I forgive myself
for accepting and allowing myself to keep going the same direction within
myself, even though I have seen and recognized that I am not standing
completely within myself.
I forgive myself
for accepting and allowing myself to maintain my direction within myself even
when I see it is going to fall, because I am praying within myself that
something else will occur that will support me.
I forgive myself
for accepting and allowing myself to gamble my ability to stand within self
forgiveness and self correction when I place my bets of myself on the chance
that something might come up within me
and make it all better.
I forgive myself
for accepting and allowing myself to have relied on support from outside
sources to guide me for so long, that I cannot even see in self honesty that
even if I did find temporary support from something other than me directing
myself I would still fall when forced to face myself as the source of my self
support as self correction.
I forgive myself
for accepting and allowing myself to react with the emotional expierence of
being upset, when things fall because I was not actually standing within self
correction of every point within me, even though in self honesty I would have
seen it coming.
I forgive myself
for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I can just push through all
adversities even though I have not proven to myself that I am capable or
willing to do what it actually takes in self honesty and self correction.
I forgive myself
for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto within my mind the need to
define myself as being capable of directing myself fully within all points I
face, when in actuality it is become a magnificent delusion that has mislead me
dearly.
I forgive myself
for accepting and allowing myself to be dishonest within myself as trying to do
something as standing within me, without having give myself the proper
facilities as self honesty, self forgiveness, and self correction.
Like trying to
build a home without putting up the walls.
I forgive myself
for accepting and allowing myself to push myself too hard, when and as I see
this pushing as not being in the right direction.
Sometimes I need
to push myself harder, but in this case I am pushing myself harder, in the
wrong direction, and not taking an introspective look at myself and my
participation.
I commit myself
to stop, breathe, and correct, when and as I see myself trying to direct myself
here as stopping all points of mind and physical energy expierence, when I can
see within myself that I am not capable of standing to the degree I am trying
to force myself to.
I commit myself
to stop trying to push myself beyond what I realize I am capable of within self
honesty, and in doing so energetically tiring myself out, even though I do not
want to stand for myself as no more then just the energy I have within my mind,
I still am within a system where I must rely on how much energy I have to be
able to direct myself back to life.
I commit myself
to stop myself when I am trying to push myself even though I see that I am
about to fall, and to look within myself, to think, to wonder, to question, to
let it all out, so that I can take all these points and act on them in self
forgiveness and self honesty, because anything is better then pushing myself so
hard energetically when I am only reinforcing the system I am trying to act out
through self forgiveness.
….
Here is my second
Vlog, where I deal with, through self forgiveness, the loss of a 30 minute Vlog
I made due to computer malfunction, in response to how much I enjoied making my
first Vlog. Thanks, Matthew.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cP7xmNaF01g
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