Day 324- stemming the systems

Investigate desteni.org

Things I don't realize I do.

I find myself not being aware of anything of my nature.

I just have a vauge sense like something is going on.

Then something snaps and I see... My real inner workings through reaction and stress and consquence.

I thought I was an aware person, aware of what was happening inside of me.

I've been aware that something is happening inside of me, but not how it's structured how it works how to define
 it.

To figure out how things work for real I need to put them in words look at the connections and relationships and interactions within me through words.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize there's always been words.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that my nature of being spiritual was just a word which could be traced back to time and events involving other words I was creating as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to figure out why everything is moving within me from my mind instead of looking at the words which trace back to how it began why it began.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to supress the words I see in everything reflecting back to myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my behaviour as who I am instead of seeing what words it represents and how I can trace it back specefic.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compumded things so much within me that I'm at a loss for words I can't find the words to trace back within myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that when I look at someone else there's many words that I see when I look at anyone else any other being.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself by the words I experience as exhaustion.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that exhaustion can trace back to Feelings of being weak.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that feeling weak can trace back to not seeing myself as worth anything.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see nor feeling I'm worth anything can trace back to seeking soemthing outside of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that seeking outside of myself can trace back to not being content.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that not being content can trace back to the word lost.

Exhaust lost.

When and as I see myself feeling exhausted, I stop, I breathe, I realize on the surface I'm not getting any new information but I'm digging into the actual creation and structure I can see from the word lost I've build the word exhaust, thus, I commit myself to when I am feeling exhausted to bring my awareness to what do I feel I've lost.

I've lost my purpose my value my meaning.

...

The long run.

I see myself trying to position myself for the long run.

Like just stick out with self forgivenss and apication keep improving everyday study work support the change learn from others process.

Simple, but I have to do it.

Then resistance.

Maybe so much resistance I can't even write it all out.

Overwhelmed

But I'm not taking all that long run goal and taking it on all at once, but in my mind I do like I take it all at once and shut down like I cannot do all of this.

I don't want to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give myself the perfect solution for myself in my long term goals and commitments and throw it all away because 'I don't want to do it'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give power over myself to the statement 'I don't want to'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let what I want to do influence me my entire life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as spoiled that I can't follow through with what I see is best just because of allowing myself to be entitled to 'what I want to do'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself by the statement ' I don't want to'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be stubborn within the statement I don't want to whereI then fight if I don't get what I want.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame other's for not installing a dicipline and an effective nature within me where I'm an adult now, it's my job to forgive and reinstall my nature.

When and as I see myself blaming others for not installing a dicipline in me where I'm not influenced by the statement I don't want to, I stop, I breathe, I realize it's my job now as an adult to reinstall my nature from I don't want to, to willing myself into action regardless of what comes up within me as irrelevant points of resistance.