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I found a lot of benefit in practicing being direct in all of my movement which can be direct.
Where if I'm walking to make sure I'm directly moving my legs one step at a time so
that I'm not just automatically walking, same with other movements, to make sure I'm the one speaking and moving directly.
Two things that changed from how I tried to plan things out yesterday was that I went ahead and wanted to start working on my posture when I'm standing or walking because I wanted to do that for a while anyways, so took the initiative to work on that today, and then blinking, I thought blinking would be way too tedious a thing to try to be direct over, but it's actually kind of fun, to direct myself to blink, it's sort of relaxing, but hard to focus on for very long.
Then, I got caught up on a few things like breathing, I didn't want to touch on breathe at all for the very reason that I've dealt with being direct in breathe before, and it works better from what I've seen to just let my lungs do their thing and not interrupt them.
But, I got caught up on it anyways because my mind just went there like I felt like maybe there's something I could have missed, and in the end what I saw was to just direct myself, to let my lungs breathe on their own, which was an appifinay at the time, but is basically what I've retrained myself to do after having tried to direct my breathe for many years and creating problems because of it.
So for because I want to keep working on this point, because it is very relaxing to work with movement on big and little scales, I do self forgiveness and correction to quantify what I'm working on.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the moments where my technique of directing myself within my movement fell apart.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the moments where my technique feel apart where I feared that I was in the same pit I've been in before where my ideas are just in my head and not really coming through into my living.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear I'm repeating the past as failing in living an idea to the effect I desire where in this case me moving myself directly is not something that easily can get messed up in my mind where it's in motion, it's me moving so it's already based on a very physical reference point that's hard to screw up.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear certain bumps in the road where I had to think about how things would work and play out where I think, if I have to think about this and don't already know what to do and am already living it then this is probably just a mind fuck and is not good.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not knowing what to do with my mind in relationship to where it does take me out of my mind a lot to be focusing on doing things in a more direct way, but there's still plenty of energy and excess in my mind that is still not tamed just by focusing on my actions which still seeps in.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to devalue my technique because it isn't a perfect fix to supporting me with my seperations.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the ideas I've tried to live and create as bad and negative because they distracted me from what I really needed, and weren't being implemented as best as possible, as I see I used them, because I wasn't using self forgiveness, what I saw in self forgiveness was stuck within me, and I needed something to replicate it, so I would come up with endless streams of mental ideas to replace it, but there was no replacement.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for creating random ideas to try to walk myself through my process in each breathe instead of using good old fasioned self forgiveness, where I appreciate my stubbornness when it actually is being pointed in the right direction, but when I'm so suborn that I won't consider the best option for me it is detrimental to my well being.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare my new idea of directing myself within my movement to the past ideas I've had out of fear that I will fail the same way I always have within my ideas being completely unable to be realized, where I'm now using self forgiveness so that I can fall back on that whenever I need to, and this idea is based in the physical there's nothing to lose except to learn better how to move myself around my reality.
When and as I see myself fearing that my new idea of directing myself within my movement will fail as the endless amounts of ideas I came up with to walk my process in my mind failed, I stop, I breathe, I realize using the word compare practically, this new idea does not reflect the way I use to live the word idea, and in some ways is the same, but shows how I've developed in how I can take an idea and actually manifest it, thus, I commit myself to when I see myself fearing that directing myself within my movement is foolish and will result in the same problems as it has in the past, I trust myself, because I see that I have come from the past into the present and have learnt since then how to actually live my ideas so that they aren't just me distracting myself from what I need to be doing.
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