Day 267- breathing natrually

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Everything is pretty cool right now.

So it's like an opening where I want to take initiative to keep things cool, because things get uncool really fast.

What I really want to work on is breathe, I spent so much time messing around with my mind in relationship to breathe, I always feel like I'm on the verge of going into my mind in relationship to breathe.

Like I have to constantly direct myself to not go into trying to control my breathe because it just messes things up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel the need to control my breathe where I don't know what else to do with my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to direct my mind in breathing where without using self forgiveness at the time, nothing was really released and just became compounded.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel uneasy where I constantly feel like I'm needing to direct my breathe even though it has always yielded the same results of just making things messed up even more within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel trapped where to just let go and let my body breathe on its own isn't completely effective either.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trap mysekf within breathe where I can't direct myself to breathe and i cant let go and let myself breathe either.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed mysekf to fear not knowing what to do with myself where I'm here breathing and in each breathe I'm trapped.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the consequences of trying to create myself in breathe instead of self forgiveness, where now I'm trapped and don't know how much it's going to take to fix the situation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the urge to breathe while feeling like I constantly mist breathe even though my body can breathe on it's own without my mind input.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to force my mind's input onto my breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having no center where I cannot center myself because I always am feeling the urge to control my breathe and constantly having to manipulate to deal with this constant urge where I am breathing but I feel like I need to be more in each breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be more in each breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust my self forgiveness to walk myself out of the problem where I feel the problem is so deep it's beyond words, where it was created through nothing but words, 'this is what I'm doing, I think this will work, I'm doing it this way, I'm going my own way.'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed mysekf to manipulate my breathe to achieve my ego agenda of not doing things the way I was supposed to and then not ever stopping.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear constantly having to distract myself from the constant pressure of needing to breathe as my mind like I feel like i'm not breathing correctly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself by breathing through control as my mind and ego where I can't really remember how I existed before I tried to control each breathe where from my memory I can see I've always been trying to control myself in each breathe in a sense, I've always been directed by fear so I can only try to press forward from here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed mysekf to create ego to navigate my world where I have lived for my own self interest where I didn't know any better.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry about breathing where it's not that I'm doing anything wrong physically in breathing it's that what I've created as my ego my separation creates a constant sensation within me which I experience as constant as my own breathe, which I experience more intense then my own breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame breathe where it isn't about breathe at all, it's about what I've created as a constant uneasiness a constant unstableness that I can't shake off, I can only develop self honestly, forgive, and correct through my words.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having any way out of the problem existing within my soul where most of everything seems to be trivial where the best thing for me would to be doing nothing but self forgiveness, but it's also important to be exist in the world to challenge myself too.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to unconsciously block my natural breathing pattern out of fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go so deep into my mind that I fear not being able to ground myself and trying to ground myself in breathing but failing.

When and as I see myself feel the need to breathe I stop, I breathe, I realize that my body can breathe on it's own and needing to directive breathe is just a fear based defense mechanism of my mind, thus, I commit myself to when I see myself feeling the need to breathe directly as my mind to express myself as letting go of my defense as directing myself to not participate in the feeling like I must direct my breathe when I can breathe naturally without interference.

Now, sounding it out,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel stifled by needing to breathe through my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel helpless where I can't release the constant feeling of being unaligned within myself in breathing where breathing should be grounding but I'm always breathing so I should always be grounded but it's not true.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to break away from my constant experience of being broken where each breathe is a conflict.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to be stable where I always go off in my mind where I have no way to center myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed mysekf to define myself as needing a center where it doesn't really matter if I'm centered or not.

I forgive mysekf that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to center myself in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed mysekf to define myself as needing a center in my mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach myself to having a center where I see my problems as being that km not centered where I cannot center myself and blame that as being where my problems come from..

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define breathing as centering and what I'm missing within myself when im always breathing so I should then always be centered but I'm not

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowing myself to not give myself direction in my mind where I see I need to direct my mind to support myself but don't know how to do that because I haven't given myself a good direction for how to do that.

When and as I see myself trying to center myself in breathe, I stop, I breathe, I realize that I doesn't matter if I'm centered or not, and that I just need to give my mind a direction, thus, I commit myself to give my mind direction when I see myself feeling in centered where the feeling is coming from my mind and just means I need to keep my mind occupied doing some kind of chore or activity.