Day 268- word: excuses

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I am destroying my life with excuses.

I am making my life miserable because I make excuses, I see what I could be, what I need to do, and I don't follow through I make excuses.

I make it very clear that I'm making excuses because I recite whatever excuse works at the time, 'I can do it later', 'I've done enough today', 'im not ready', 'it's better to wait'.

It's torture.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my life be a living hell where what i need to do is always just in reach and I just leave it there like it's a goal to work towards instead of something I simply figure out a way to do, to just move, to just do what I need to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make excuses to the point that I believe my excuses and don't want to accept what I've caused by making excuses for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear how much the pressure has built uo where there are many things I need to do which I continue to let slide away through excuses.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my life falling apart where I see what I need to do, but I'll find any way to not do it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be petrified with fear where I'm terrified by how far I'll let things get out if hand before I take action and do what I know I need to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear how I make excuses all the time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that there is no one who can stop mr from making excuses to not reach my best potential, and then go into blame.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame myself for making excuses where blame becomes another excuse in itself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed mysekf to fear how I let things build up until it's cutting it very close and now it's harder then ever to do my responsibilities because I've let things slide for too long.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not help myself out by doing things the time I'm supposed to do them where I just keep cutting it closer and closer to a fallout where I've fallen so far behind where I need to be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed mysekf to be angry like, why do I keep doing this, just do things at the right time and stop fucking up and making excuses.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowrd myself to judge myself where it's so simple just do the things im supposed to do the time I need to do them and it will be fine.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make excuses when I'm tired.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make excuses when I'm stressed iut

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make excuses when I'm angry.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make excuses when soemthing unexpected comes up, like when I have something I'm supposed to do, but then someone wants to hang out, and I shouldn't be hanging out with someone when I have things to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use giving up as an excuse where I know I'm not going to just give jl so usinf that as an excuse just fucks me up where I try to convince myself that I've given up where I know im not actually giving up I'm just making things more difficult making up excuses.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear im going to ruin my entire life with excuses.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear im going to beg myself to take action to make my life better by doing thr things in support to, and I'm just going to ignore my better judgement and continue to play god with my life, as the god of fate, where I don't know if I'm going to succeed if I just keep living the word excuses every time I can, so i leave it to fate.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear how I don't care that I'm desperate I'm going to continue to be stubborn even if it kills me.

(Like how I need to rotate my tires, but I was like I'll just do it later, then I realized that's really fucked up, that's dangerous, I need to do that sooner then later.)

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let myself make excuses where I don't think I deserve to rise above my limitation, where I don't want to rise above my limitation only to fall back down.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed mysrlf to not just take action and stop making excuses.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not find a way to stop making excuses, fight against myself, make it easier, make compromises but stick things out, just get it done, stop totally scrambling things when it's just a matter of sticking to my schedule and there's nothing complicated about any of it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to panic at how I keep making excuses where I just need to start developing how I live this word, and that in reality I'm not in any danger except from being lazy and not seeing things through.

When and as I see myself panicking at how I am making so many excuses and it's all budikinngnuo, k stop, I breathe, I realize that I can start developing and living this word to stop by doing up this feeling of being dragged down snd not getting anything done, thus, I commit myself to begin developing the word excuses by seeing where I'm living the word and trimming it down, by living the word by not living the word, live the word excuses as living not making excuses, expressing the word excuse as little as possible, do what I need to do with as little excise as possible, take all the excuses I usually make, and cut them in half, every month, make half as many excuses until the amount of excuses I'm making is negligible.

I commit myself to live the redefined defenition of excuses as me making the choice to question what I see as my best potential, where I can only gamble on what I know is best so may times before it starts to catch up to me, where there's no need to gamble on the chance that an excuse will end up working better for me than actually taking action.

I commit myself to constantly look for how I'm making excuses and to correct my loving of the word by minimizing excuses as much as I can regularly, where j just need to get my foot in the door to push through the wall of excuses I've accumulated.

I commit myself to starting right now constantly improve my lvijng of excuses as minimum excuses.