Day 438- Sharing the breathing process

I was told that I'm not effective at teaching the point of breath, 

I reached a point in focusing on breath and in applying it as a word into a word flashing technology, in a pyramid structure called pyramid building,

due to that extensive practice on focusing and applying myself here within breath and advanced vocabulary building around the word I am able to live here as the word breath in every waking moment, 

Yet, that is not satisfactory to me when I cannot convey it to others effectively, I am not content with simply of and as myself alone being competent at breathing where I cannot share this with others it is an obvious common sense issue and limits my capacity to live and express myself where I am not standing equal to others within and as breath and the education thereof, 

It is not that I should want to teach it or not, or feel shame or pride in teaching it or not, it is that there is common sense equality issues where I cannot walk equally with others if I cannot share and convey this point to them, 

For me, I used the very point of breath to in fact create this dilemma, I used breath to circumvent other aspects of my life and process and so created more inequality as friction in myself form other parts of myself, breath should be used to support and group and expand yourself in your life and living not used to narrow yourself down and suppress your living. 

What is breathing for if not living, and what is living if not giving, 

To give others the greatest capacity to live, 

To live to give, how do I share what I abused and took for granted for so long? 

Starting with forgiveness to clear the path forward, that I didn't ever want to share or teach I wanted to dominate and to take to elevate myself over others, 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to develop myself within breath from a position of superiority, 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not share my process effectively with others due to participating in competition in superior and inferior that I needed in my mind to be superior because I felt inferior to others and needed something special that gave me an edge and an advantage in the game of life as a competition to be won. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty that in remaining trapped in cycles of superiority and inferiority that I have not moved myself effectively, and what I have lived was not really lived and that life starting from me was diminished because I participated in a process of abuse as winning and losing as a hierarchy of power. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not clear my starting point and want to remain hidden in my self agenda ego complexity of hierarchy 'higher air'. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that what I developed as breath was superior when who I was within it was making myself higher in the hierarchy through air as arrogance. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not humble myself and ground myself to coming back to process as a journey one and equal breath by breath developing self to become what's best for self as all as self as one and equal not as a game of winners and losers in energy addiction. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not come back to sharing myself and my process of breath of which I can be mistaken and learn and grow through giving and sharing relentlessly as who I am, 

When and as I see myself holding the point of breath as a belief system that I am higher in the hierarchy of high air as arrogance when I am living breath, I stop, I breathe, I realize that I cannot share that which I attempt to take at the same time taking breath for granted, thus, I commit myself to share the process of breath not to take others breath away, but to give them breath to elevate all through air shared.

Day 437- Cheating process

https://eqafe.com/p/reptilians-patience-and-how-to-live-it-part-43

...

Quantum mind speed. 

I have still within me the point of which I tried to 'cheat' process.

I can now relate it back to the need and capacity to live and redefine and apply words, purifying and incorporating. 

...

The absolute drive and determination to cheat my process, the idea, within my own secret ego/self to go faster than anyone else. Is well outlined in this EQAFE audio posted to the top of the page. 

I really wanted to go hyper speed. And it stemmed from a lot of reactions and programs and things within myself I did not want to face word by word in detail and specificity and self honesty. 

I had forgiven myself in writing to a great extent regarding this time where I totally lapsed in my process trying to go to this fucking ultimate hyper speed dimension, and yet in reality probably being the most suppressed and neglecting of myself and creating substantial consequences still being dealt with to this day.

However, the regret of lapsing for such a long time in the past from doing my self forgiveness trying to cheat process, today I considered, a different dimension of approach I may not have considered. 

...

Redefining that drive to go fast, to create, to do immaculate great things in any moment, how I might still live that very same point, that I may require to live that very same point, but not in the mind delusion of hyper space of going faster than reality, but in fact by living it and applying it as my word in my living. 

....

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret proving a point to myself through trying to cheat process and go faster than the pace of which reality function through self forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I did something wrong, that i cheated, that I should have known better than to lapse for so long not applying my self forgiveness. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame myself for pushing a point within myself so fast and hard and consistently to such a great extent that I could never unsee it, begging the question,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame myself as the past as memory where who I am now is so captivated by applying this point of creation that I discovered and was exploring and ensuring it is being self honestly considered and applied in living word in self forgiveness in Techno Tutor. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel angry that I created from my mind as words from my mind not being applied self honesty proven and referenced through self forgiveness. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to mistake what I was creating in the past when I was not applying self forgiveness as being something and being real and being of substance where I was not using the tools that could guarantee my proof in words in writing I was acting as a mind guard a mind machine trying to prove my value as mind over my value as life. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear checking my starting point through self forgiveness through self honesty to prove the truth to myself where I would challenge if my ego was driving the point or not. 

I forgive myself that  I have accepted and allowed myself to not apply the point I saw in the past, here and now in the present and simply live the correction of utilizing and implementing my entire arsenal of tools enabling and ensuring my self honesty as I delve into myself and what is possible on the cutting edge of living words. 

When and as I see myself regretting the past where I pushed a point to an intense extreme without applying self honesty of my starting point as self forgiveness for a very extended long period of time, I stop, I breathe, I realize that a part of me needed to push this point to ensure that I would never forget or unsee it, while also coming back to the self honest revelation that self forgiveness is inevitable no matter what and cannot be escaped or avoided, thus, I commit myself to push the cutting edge of who I am and my potential as living words to it's ultimate limit, and to utilize self forgiveness in all ways always to ensure that my starting point is always clear. 

Day 436- Loss redefined

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can lose.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my purpose can be lost.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing my money as losing my grip on what matters in matter.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing losing my car.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing my wallet.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing my phone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of becoming a loser in this reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I have lost time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing order.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lose myself in a moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lose my dignity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lose my equality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lose my worth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lose my merit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lose my fortune.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can lose anything of who I really am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want others to lose.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want others to lose so I can win and be great and be grand. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am too important to lose that my point is too specific to be lost to time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lose myself in a moment where I grow too big in my mind and lose the importance of my purpose.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lose what is important in reality where I hang on and cling onto things that are not substantial. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lose when I play only to win for myself alone without care or consideration from others perspectives as their lives.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to die to lose my opportunity that I might fail, as ensuring I fail, to lose the chance and opportunity that I might not fail. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lose my grace where I give into what I know is the worst of myself as my memories of myself in the past. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lose myself to memory.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lose myself to history.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lose myself to heroics and being supreme. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lose myself to competition. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lose myself to a single word.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lose my potential as word.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lose myself to chaos of my words.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lose my connection to the physical through tainted words killing the flesh. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lose myself to what I could be could have been and am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lose myself to patterns and habits lying to myself about what I am in truth. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lose the truth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lose the game of life.

When and as I see myself losing myself in the chaos of what I have created word by word programmed into the flesh and ordained real a my order a how I must have always needed to operate in my belief structure, I stop, I breathe, I realize that I have lost much of myself through belief creation and action accumulation not considering the primary principle of what is real and relevant as life and giving equally life substance and equalizing as my goal and purpose on earth, 

Thus, 

I commit myself to not lose myself to consciousness as pictures symbols representations of things not given life and not made real by me due to me. 

I redefine loss as only being possible to lose what was never lost in the first place. 

I redefine loss as the deletion of a program or a system of which was never real to begin with. 

Day 435- Purifying, 'Growth'

 I always go back to the same point.

Like I made a choice to isolate a long time ago, to challenge and risk and try to 'grow' from a point of dishonesty with myself. For a time that I could not even face myself, face myself as Desteni, face myself as the Destonians, face myself as Bernard as the portal as parts of myself I refused to take accountability for. 

I always go back to this point, like my greatest point of regret, where I can stem every single choice, every word, every moment now to this exact moment in the past, where I made a choice and accumulated choice after choice after choice to remain in that isolation and push a point within myself where i refused to even take self honesty to do any writing, self forgiveness for a very long time, over 2 years. 

A time I created an illusion of 'growth', I did grow as consequences, I grew as generating myself as energy as consequences as problems I'll have faced and continue to face now and for eternity. 

I raised a middle finger to common sense to actually doing the work, I fully embraced and indulged in my consciousness trap/delusion and a part of me was non privy to the reality of what I was doing, and yet a part of me was so certain in myself and my capacity, and in a way I was right, but in more ways I was wrong, and I was very very afraid. 

...

I walk damned by myself...

...

layer by layer, word by word, I have the new opportunity, but it's a burden still and a lot of work, a lot of birthing, birthing self as the physical, birthing self as self honesty, birthing self as my final stand in this last life, in this one life and one body.

FORGIVE ME.

...

I'm so sorry to myself, to all as myself for what I could have stood as and created, I give whatever is left, I resign myself to whatever I can still do, ad infinitum. Till here no more. 

...

Growth;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit my idea of what it means to grow.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit my idea of my potential to grow as a being as what is best as who I really am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not grow that part of me that could have seen myself through the storm with grace and dignity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to grow that which was the seed of which I was already programmed to be. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to grow as malice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to grow as fear and constriction of my body holding myself down playing a game of suppression until I realize I was not going to stand unless something change of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to strip away from myself my potential to grow free magnificent unmolested undisturbed unbothered by abuse and constraints of spite and undue danger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself ot grow as ego as illusion as the idea that I need the mind to be more that I need ideas to be more, that growth as who I am was not real and not possible and not plausible. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever give myself as a choice anything but to grow as self honesty as oneness and equality as absolutely giving my life to the point of what is best despite my copiousness interpreting and controlling and restricting the possibilities that could have been.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my time to grow has long ended and that survival is all that is left and all that I am worth or can ever be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that to grow in this world system means you cannot grow as real value as self while still having no choice but be here in this system where you are a participant and so a parasite. 

...

When and as I see myself limiting my idea who I can be as growth to a feeling, to an experience, to my past trauma embed in the flesh, I stop, I breathe, I realize that I can walk a scientific path, as a path that I can make clear and concrete to myself and others for eternity of who I am and who I will allow myself to be where real growth can be seen proven and trusted, thus, I commit myself to grow only as what is best as what is here in words and so in flesh shared for myself and others to agree upon and move physically as a basis of decision making. 

Growth.

I redefine growth as to establish point by point in the physical, to accumulate over and over the proof and absolute certainty of what is best based on the physical as reference together one and equal with all other points of physicality here as all beings physical alive in flesh.  

Day 434- Speaking as knowledge and information

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to diminish my living of communication when I speak aloud.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to actually communicate less effectively when I am speaking my words aloud.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to harbor so much knowledge and information that when I speak, I am actually communicating and sharing less effectively than if I were to simply be in silence within my own word as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume that speaking aloud is good without any methodology of ensuring and cross referencing that the words coming out of my mouth are living words not just words with a mind consciousness agenda. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having to reteach myself how to speak words.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have taken my ability to communicate my words aloud for granted as assumed good and useful and proper.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not filter and challenge and equation every single word that comes out of my mouth spoken aloud.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to speak my words from the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse life with my words spoken aloud not representing me as life but representing the systems of the mind being allowed to speak on my behalf.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself ton t question if any word I have ever spoken was a real living word or simply information meaningless and void without regard for life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having to create a new language as a language of living words.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not ensure that I am living the words as I am speaking words so that I can cross reference myself while I am speaking the words aloud.

When and as I see myself speaking as knowledge and information without life as substance, I stop, I breathe, I realize that entirely rewriting my language into a living word language and to be living words as I speak words is totally contradictory to what has been permised and allowed in the system up to this junction, thus, I commit myself to take on the greatest and most rewarding challenge in all of exsistence to rewrite the human language starting with myself as a living word language, I commit myself to be living my words as I am speaking my words.

I redefine language as a set of codes and symbols meant to be used to project and create an idea into substance.

Day 433- Living words

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to learn to speak words before learning to live the words.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have spoken words my entire life without living them and being clear who i am as the word as the potential within each word.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have learnt words in terms of to manipulate.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have filled myself up with as much useless information and knowledge in words as possible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have denied my potential in never considering who I am as living as more than information as consciousness as experience as imagination as word designed to separate me from reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there is anyway forward for myself in my life than to come back to who I am word by word lived corrected and applied.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have rendered myself useless without living as my word in each moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have gone to school to learn that life is about nothing and there is no purpose to life than to be a slave to knowledge and information in the mind stored without any divinity or purpose behind a single word integrated.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to cheat my way through life and exsistence using word to abuse myself and others to get ahead as ego as the idea of why I am here without definition or purpose or reason seeking only for energy for the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others for not presenting this point to me where I had to simply suffer and face ceaseless consequences and discomforts until I could come to terms with certainty the obviousness of process beginning and ending with the living word.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into spite towards others believing that others are responsible on my behalf to take charge and direction over the point of the living word.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse myself and others as life as not bringing forward this solution sooner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my mind to subtract myself and so live my word as subtraction as energy brought back to myself in a loop of self interest.

...

When and as I see myself not directive and living as the word as the living word, as seeing who I am as living as a word, as directing myself to live as a word in any moment, I stop, I breathe, I realize that this is the only solution, as this is the basis of process, thus, I commit myself to share the living word with others as myself in all ways possible until the point is clear and process can be walked effectively by all.

I commit myself to never lapse a moment where I am not creating myself and taking responsibility for myself as an individual as a living word.

I redefine living word, as to be here expressing and acting according to the words of which I have programmed into the flesh in a way that is best for life in a way that brings the word alive as more than knowledge and information for self to become subtracted and limited to energy consuming to fuel words misaligned in the physical body.

Virus free mind.

Day 432- Physical living action

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret going into my mind as into separation within myself where I am not acting but letting the mind act as me in my steed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be inactive while my mind is active as energy is active as experience activates constantly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define action within my mind where I do not see my real actions in reality as relevant and only what moves and so what is being activated inside of myself as programs and systems.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty of having defined my most important component here in my living of action to be delegated as self interested as mind experience activating. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take for granted all the cellular activity as every cell in every organ of my entire body is acting and doing so without mind without experiences but simply as an action of what it is as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to act as the mind and not as life giving myself free choice to always chose to not act and to go into inaction and a state of repression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into reaction as shock as disbelief as still denying who I was as allowing myself over time to be so self interested as a system devoid of live not acting in the physical not living as action not considering that I am power here in my real living of action.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create myself as depression as inaction as giving into energy states to totally possess me and decide for me fi I take certain actions of abuse to serve my mind and keep my mind alive or if I actually change myself in action where real change always is occurring physically in reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to act according to self interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself and live greatness as pushing my physical living to it's ultimate cutting edge of possibilities to create in reality and so give.

When and as I see myself giving into depression as the experiences as letting my mind as energy as reaction act in place of me living action and creating best my potential here in the physical, i stop, I breathe, I realize that I have been taking actions within myself as illusion and deception of separation and so my physical actions of accumulation over time has showed me being possessed and completely rendered irrelevant and useless in reality, thus, I commit myself to wholly and fully dedicate myself to who I am as live where action is my greatest power and the best version of myself possible take real significant meaningful action in every moment.

I redefine action as to move and create and construct according to my physical body in relation to all other physical bodies in exsistence. 

I commit myself to act in ways that will actually accumulate in time what is best and not just serving me to hide and isolate and dwell in the space of the mind that directs me to withhold and reserve myself from within exsistence yet separated and not considering it. 

Day 431- Actual understanding, seeing.

 Money system is equal to me.

Who am I as changing my living relationship to money?

Politics is equal to me.

Who am I as living politics? 

Language is equal to me.

Who am I as directing myself as my words and supporting/directing others equally as their words and so the words that bind and tie everything together starting as ourselves? 

... 

When will I ever actually take it all back to myself and become certain in who I am as getting to the bottom of myself and this reality, as actually caring for myself as this reality?

...

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to walk my process in fear of being wrong.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame Bernard that he must understand everything and direct me upon what to do and how to act, despite him having given the tools and resources that I might discover starting as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to see clearly for myself where I see the truth starting as myself and stand and live for that truth every single day until I die.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live as pathetic half measures not seeing things all the way where I am refusing to see starting with myself and questioning starting with myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not commit myself to seeing the truth starting with myself, as seeing what I need to do, seeing who I am as this world, seeing how far I need to go for myself as all others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself and all others as pathetic as not seeing everything as I myself am afraid to see everything clearly and see the indisputable truth of this process I am walking equally with all others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to see things in a way that suits me as how I was already living or abusing or not considering serious points within myself as the world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be willing to see the truth starting as myself once I am already in deep shit, in deep pain, in deep mistakes, in deep consequences for myself and others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to see how committed I must be where it is not a game of energy of up and down reward as that was what fucked me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hesitate and hold back and refuse to see myself all the way through despite having seen enough of myself and others to have the full pictures of all that is entailed and required of me in this lifetime.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see myself as the most responsible for myself as it as always been me as myself fucking with reality as creating reality inverse in experience in energy in not wanting to see that there is a solution that I must actualize. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want others to see on my behalf that I may not have to walk as far as required or be as diligent as required or do the research to see for myself as much is needed for me.

When and as I see myself struggling and in conflict on what I am seeing in this reality as myself as I see it within myself equal and one, i stop, I breathe, I realize that if I rely on others to see the picture for me and keep feeding me answers and not asking the questions and receiving of myself, then I will never actually stand for what I see and keep deceiving and creating illusion and lying to myself and being spiteful that I see the obvious but want to justify myself as excused as not seeing or not capable of seeing the full picture of what is occurring in this reality as myself, thus, I commit myself to see for myself, to study for myself, to ask for myself, to try for myself, to act for myself, to be responsible for myself and stop expecting others to do what has always been my responsibility. 

I redefine to see, as to direct myself as my I as the one me, to recognize all that is around me as also me equally.

I redefine to see as to take in the information onto myself for me to direct it accordingly to my process of where I am in relation to myself and all that is around me. 

Day 430- I am spiteful

 https://www.desteni.org/desteni-material/blog/interviews-farm-11-why-are-we-here-earth?fbclid=IwY2xjawIm5ctleHRuA2FlbQIxMAABHbXSdsbxj5tbnGqjMYEocfjf2RWO9fKaP8bhHD0-SB6gTPQhcHcRNPselQ_aem_PEsKMjxNQAT3PrF_0H7EQA

...

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be spiteful in refusing to forgive myself. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give myself a hoice of how I walk my apparent process for my self intrest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be spiteful.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have destroyed my reality through spitefullness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my spitefullness based on judging others as more or less spiteful to myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not embrace myself in self forgiveness of myself as the most spiteful being who ever exsisted.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project an idea as judgement picture in my mind that the elite are in fact the most judged as spiteful.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others when I see they are clearly going into spitefullness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear destroying myself as life in a final moment of spite as the moment of death where I had not changed despite the fact that it could have been.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep giving myself the idea that I can make choices or that choice not clearly defined and acted upon as what is best as being the only choice that is ever valid or real.

When and as I see myself struggling and in difficulty and pain due to having made choices that lead to this suffering, I stop, I breathe, I realize that all of my suffering I have ever endured was due to me giving myself an idea of choice, that I should be best to learn from suffering than to simply do what is best for myself and all in one and equal, thus, I commit myself to decide in this moment to remain steadfast moving forward that I reamin here in breath where I can decide what is best for life in each choice wihthout being comproimsed by mind as the spite of, not being here, in spite of the evidence that here is the only thing worth hearing. 

Day 429- Star 15- Electromagnetic radiation

 https://eqafe.com/p/you-re-a-star-reptilians-part-466

...

Stars produce energy through nuclear fusion. This process creates electromagnetic radiation, including light. 

I am learning about stars. 

I learnt about stars relating to electricity. I put in a long list of words about electricity

 into Techno Tutor.

I did self forgiveness on the word electricity and some things I realized tied

directly into my living of the word electricity. 

Then I redefined the word for myself.

...

Star is a word that represents something to people, and also has a physical cross reference in reality.

There is a lot of science and understanding behind the word star when looking at the celestial body of the star in space. 

Taking on the unique aspects of the word star and then processing them, takes the word back to me, and so back to myself and my living as equal to star. 

There is a lot science to take back to myself and uncover within the word star.

...

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look at the word star and draw a blank not considering how much science and research and words already exist in relationship to actual celestial bodies as stars.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think of the word star and just see the four letters that compose it written on a page and not consider and see the entire world and multiple dimensions of what this word represent as what a star really entail.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to learn what a star is from my mind and not from my being from processing and defining the word for and as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider that a star is an entire universe just as I am equally a physical body composed of many pieces all functioning together to make a single being. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in my mind I am superior to a star because of my vocabulary where I can create opinions and ideas of myself relative and in separation to others self's as other things I see around me. 

When and as I see myself looking at the word star, and seeing nothing but four letters on a page or screen, I stop, I breathe, I realize that I am not taking the symbol back to myself as the entire universe that it represent and I am seeing the world in black and white and void of life, not considering myself equal to all that is, thus, I commit myself to break apart every nuance to the word star over the course of the entire year. 

I commit myself to educate myself on what Electromagnetic radiation is. 

I commit myself to educate myself on what is a star and to redefine each word of interest that I learn for myself so that my learning becomes my living in equality and oneness not just knowledge and information in separation. 

Day 428- Doing only what feels good

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to gravitate towards what offers the most pleasant stimulation or sensation in my living.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only act on my feeling that I enjoy or prefer as personality of which I cannot explain

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not act on principle of establishing what is best and doing it regardless of the feeling that does or does not come with it. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider that who I really am as in my absolute reality in this moment I can see in my body how I have been living as acting on self interest as feeling has actually created the inverse where I have no connection within my body and am actually suffering proving that the feeling itself is irrelevant and just a point of distraction missing the point of substance where feeling comes from anyways.

I forgive myself that I have acepted and allowed myself to not do what feels good as a principle as aligning with what is best and then feeling good about doing what is best where I can trust the feeling as it is aligned with the actual best action.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have never questioned feelings for myself to this extent either enduring or suppressing never looking at the reality and nature of feeling and sensation as who I am and how to align the point as myself and others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make things very difficult more than they need to be to lure myself into the trap and temptation of pursuing feelings over all else.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have acted on what feels good as mind consciousness feel good that developing feeling as a living word is very difficult because of how much I have imbedded feeling as consciousness within myself in this lifetime.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give myself 21 days to focus entirely on doing what is best only and not permitting feeling to indulgence any of my decisions or actions and see who I am and my relation to myself by that 21 day period.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined my very process by a feeling and experience sensation and so devaluing who I am as living word and devaluing who I am as created by word and navigating by word and communicating by word where you cannot structure yourself or support yourself merely off of feeling.

I commit myself to attempt a 21 day challenge of acting entirely off of principle of what is best and never acting according to a feeling be it positive or negative. 

When and as I see myself anxious that I would immediately fail at such a challenge, I stop, I breathe, I realize that finding out how quickly I would fail when deprive of feeling as a directive is actually a good reference to see where I am at in self honesty, thus, I commit myself to attempt this 21 day challenge even if it is filled to the brim with constant and ceaseless failure. 

Day 427- living heartbeat

 Heart.

I am trying to live a specific word in a specific way in a specific reason.

In doing so something unrelated opened up. 

Pushing one living word actually pushed forward another word simultaneously. 

Heart.

It seems easy to live the word heart. 

Just like breath.

Yet I've found myself judging it, stopping, and not caring to live the word heart, to live like breath as the heart in each moment.

What happened that I held back my heart? Like one would hold back a breath?

...

To prove it is so simple. 

I'll stop for a moment with star, to write about heart.

...

No fancy words, nothing complicated, no sybmolism. 

Heart, as in heart beat.

Heartbeat

living heartbeat

...

Until it is done.

...

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have stopped being here as breath and as my own heart beat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider how much more effective I am i as here as my heart beat in each moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have forgotten my own heartbeat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not commit myself to my own heartbeat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have neglected my heart by not being here as breath and as heartbeat despite seeing and realizing that I could do so and it would be simple and free and supportive and best for all of life, yet I stopped and forgot.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel angry to see my weakness that I would realize something is best as to be here as my own heart and yet stop standing as my heartbeat directing and living the word heartbeat in each moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel ashamed that I have been living in reality in a point of delusion where I was not living as the beat of my own heart in each moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse myself by not being here as my heart and instead being elsewhere where life is abused and I am not here to intervene on the behalf of life as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let a single moment pass where I commit abuse by not beating my own heart.

When and as I see myself not being here with and as my heart, living the word heartbeat, I stop, I breathe, I realize that I am abusing myself when I am not here in every living capacity I can be to stop my mind fully in every dimension possible, thus, I commit myself to be here as my heartbeat not only feeling it but directing it in each breath in each moment never missing a single beat.

Day 426- Star part 13, I will be a star

 https://eqafe.com/p/you-re-a-star-reptilians-part-466

...

I will be a star.

It is best that I become a star.

It is best for all of life as one and equal that I birth myself in this life as a star.

I must become a star.

It is inevitable that I will be a star.

...

We will all be str fkrs one day.

...

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there is a choice that I become a star or not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself to become a star that shines as what is best for all of life as one and equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my past prevent becoming a star in the future.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being the brightest star possible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not enjoying the process of becoming a star.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear it being improbable that I become a star.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not create comfort within and as myself within the certainty that I will become a star absolutely.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there could be potentially obstacles of which I would fall and prevent me from realizing and actualizing myself as a star.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become possessed by the idea of my stardom.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not become a star out of self interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let others suffer as I have refused to become and stand as a star in certainty.

When and as I see myself fearing my destination of becoming a star being improbable and being sabotaged, I stop, I breathe, I realize that it is only in my mind that I believe or conceive that i will not become a star, thus, I commit myself to stop the consciousness distraction and diminishment of myself as a star.

I commit myself to become a star in absolute certainty in this lifetime. 

Day 425- Star part 12, alcohol

 You're A Star! - Reptilians - Part 466 « EQAFE

...

Tonight I was talking to X. He was drinking some alcohol. Although I recommended to him that it was not best to do that. 

He wanted to share his experiences and everything he had done so far for his life and process over the course of the year with me.

In this instance I decided to have the call with X and be of support for him celebrating his year and what he accomplished even if we both recognized that drinking alcohol in a way diminished what he had done and created through the year.

In this instance I made accommodations to speak with X where I otherwise would not like to be walking with someone who has ingested alcohol since I do not like alcohol on principle. 

X has been so active in using his TT writing his self forgiveness and reading heavens journey and creations journey that I am finding as much as drinking alcohol is step back, he has made great strides and steps forward over this year.

...

One thing that I noticed about X and their expression during our conversations over the video chat, was that normally X had quite a glow about them. 

But that in contrast to that normal appearance I could see that X did not have the same glow that they normally do while intoxicated. 

I had written about redefining star previously in regards to women. 

In this instance I noted that X usually is quite the star, not just in their glow of their expression, but who they are as a musician and in their living creation of themselves in the system. 

It was sad to see X's glow being diminished while they were drinking alcohol.

I will take this back to myself and relate it to instances where I have drank alcohol in the past.

...

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to destroy my glow by drinking alcohol.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to cause myself to erupt internally destroying my ability to effectively shine and create outwards when I drink alcohol.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to kill my star when I have consumed alcohol.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make dramatic unnecessary consequences for myself when i have consumed alcohol.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dull myself and my expression and my capacity to live to best potential when I have consumed alcohol.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge alcohol with spite and hatred instead of self honestly walking out the problem with alcohol as a substance as how it affects the physical substance without judging it through mental projections of right or wrong.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to drink alcohol to become a star and to say things and be fun with friends where I otherwise in the past had found myself isolated in myself and using alcohol to build connection as expressing what would otherwise be inhibited.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to require alcohol to have a fun time and create enjoyment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dimmish my process of becoming a star when I have consumed alcohol.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use alcohol to suppress myself.

When and as I see myself ever again desire to drink alcohol, I stop, I breathe, I realize that in every way as I want to create myself as a star in this lifetime and live the word star, that alcohol will in every way do the opposite as turn me into a black hole preventing me from being born as a star, thus, I commit myself to never drink alcohol for the rest of my life. 

I commit myself to not tolerate alcohol consumption in others.

I commit myself to end alcohol abuse in the system.

Day 424- Star part 11, stars aligning

 You're A Star! - Reptilians - Part 466 « EQAFE

...

"The idiom "the stars aligned" refers to a situation where everything comes together perfectly, as if by fate or destiny. It is often used to describe coincidences or a series of events that lead to a favorable outcome."

...

I have been very often finding myself in moments and situations where I attribute it to 'fate', or 'the stars aligning'.

I think it has actually reached a point of obsession.

Finding so often occurrences and coincidences that I attribute everything to being the 'stars aligning',

Predetermination.

That everything is the stars aligning. 

Because if one instance was the stars aligning, why wouldn't that be in fact every moment, and then no moments at all, and then I simply have to question how much of reality and how it function do I actually understand at all.

...

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a mental puzzle over the idea of things being fate, or being the stars aligning.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give my power of self over to an idea that everything happened as it was meant to and so as the stars aligning making there no decision and that everything is simply predetermined. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider that if one moment randomly was meant to happen then every single moment was meant to happen by that same progression. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into disbelief of living a real time creative reality where things can not be absolutely predicted.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to control my reality through the idea of being aligned by the stars and everything happening as it were meant to as the stars aligning as a justification to not take the most amount of responsibility as possible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the idea of the stars aligning in my reality as a escape from reality into a belief system that I could then be warranted to do anything I want because I could then say it were always what was going to happen and that I had no control or power over anything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disempower myself as my ability to create in this reality as best I possibly can by the idea and belief that things and playouts are always meant to happen the way that they do no matter what.

When and as I see myself going into the belief that in event or instance was aligned of the stars and so always meant to have happened, I stop, I breathe, I realize that to humor this thought process is not actually supporting me in actualizing myself as my living and is only distracting me from observing the reality of how things function and best manipulating reality to create what is best for all of life, thus, I commit myself to stop humorizing and becoming possessed by the idea of everything happening as it were meant to as if the stars alignment dictate who I am and the things I do in this lifetime.

Day 423- Star part 10, Cold Play- Yellow

https://eqafe.com/p/you-re-a-star-reptilians-part-466

...

AI: 
The Star of Bethlehem is a celestial event that appears in the Gospel of Matthew in the Bible, signaling the birth of Jesus and guiding the Three Wise Men to his birthplace.

My words are now yellow after copying and pasting this summary from AI about the Star of Bethlehem. I do not know how to make my words not appear as yellow or why they have become yellow. But they are yellow like a star.

I was titling this post about the Star of Bethlehem because I looked up why there is a star at the top of Christmas trees and then found out it's due to the belief of the star regarding Jesus birth and wise people finding him in the bible.

Now that my words are all yellow, it made me want to actually shift gears. Because I thought that's suitable since stars are yellow. But they aren't really yellow, and I remembered the Cold Play song Yellow where he claims the stars are all yellow. But then I saw a interview with the musician once where he said he knew the stars were not actually yellow and was just messing around in the studio or somewhere with the idea and it was more of a jest to make a song out of something like the stars being yellow. 

So, now I am going to listen to that Cold Play song and write about it in yellow. 

I could not finish the song, because I was so not enjoying it. 

I did not like how everything was being referred to as being Yellow. 

I did not like the guitar or instruments. 

I did not like the British man's accent singing the song.

I don't think I'm in a mood to be listening to this song. 

...

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel angry that the stars were being referred to as being yellow when they do not actually appear as yellow in the sky. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into an intense uncomfortable reaction to the song about stars being yellow.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be angry that my words as I am writing are appearing as yellow.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to blame the color yellow as being bad.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at the color yellow.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think of the color yellow as piss and only being good as piss and having no value as not even actually being the color of a star.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become irrationally upset about the color yellow coming into my life as I am trying to write about stars which are not in fact yellow when they are appearing from the sky to be more white than any yellow.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge a color on the color spectrum as being less than any other color simply because I cannot see where it is relevant to my life at the moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use yellow to take out my anger and frustration instead of getting to the bottom of my relationship to it and redefining the word yellow for myself and changing my relationship and equality stand with yellow.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that every color needs to equally have some great value and be prevalent in the world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have an opinion about the color yellow.

When and as I see myself becoming angry when I see the color yellow, I stop, I breathe, I realize that I am creating bizarre and unnecessary opinions and reactions and relationships to a color, which does not owe me to be the color of a star or banana or anything even piss, thus, I commit myself to stop demanding within myself that yellow have some greater purpose or that it is bringing my quality of life down due to it's exsistence. 

Day 422- Star day 9, star fantasy

 https://eqafe.com/p/you-re-a-star-reptilians-part-466

...

My most likely longest series I have written has been regarding the point of the star.

I initially had intended to write this series as a secret surprise for a friend.

I revealed the secret to them, which was not supposed to take place for an entire year.

So, now my secret project is blown, and it has been insisted that now more than ever that I should continue my work on the star project. 

...

The great beyond.

The greatest fantasy.

I found this picture above by searching star fantasy on google, then I found out it was AI generated, haha. 

Pivoting from my star secret being revealed, this specific point arising of the star fantasy is actually where the word star and my relationship to it is actually the most important. 

It is through the word star that I actually can see back into my past, where my mind consciousness had the greatest control over me.

Because of images like the one I added onto this page of a beautiful galaxy and fantasy planets and environment.

Fantasy had me by the balls when I was young. Fantasy was the reason for existing. But, fantasy only really had that punch and could even seem remotely real or tangible through pictures.

Fantasy of sci fi and space and the wonder of the galaxy, but all only really known through pictures on a computer screen.

...

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create huge eruptive reactions towards fantasy pictures of the galaxy and space and strs.

I forgive myself that  I have accepted and allowed myself to have given up all right to life to live as a fantasy projected out into outer space in pictures of the fantasy of unknown thriving alive planets and stars in pictures drawn by people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have turn the stars into a point of fantasy of great reaction and energy in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have corrupted my relation to the stars and galaxies that are really out there by making them into fantasy in my mind through media and movies and fantastical pictures and images.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have not considered life as value as one and equal when I as a young child was ready to give up everything of myself to have this experience of myself out in the stars in these pictures I would find of planets and stars exaggerated in art online.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have killed off the part of myself that were capable of actually creating a life of fantasy for all living beings to go to the stars where I wanted to be in the stars just in my mind just in my own secret escape.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have traded my childhood to consciousness fantasy leaving me in a state of projection way out in the stars and not actually living and facing reality.

When and as I see myself looking at a fantasy picture of stars, or galaxies, or science fiction images, and going into a longing and a deep reaction and wanting it to be real more than anything else, I stop, I breathe, I realize that when I was a young person a part of me know something was wrong and something was missing on a very deep level and so I corrected this off and wrongness through consciousness and through projecting onto images I was finding on the internet, and now I realize that I was just creating friction between two points, as the point of dullness and emptiness to the lives we live in this system, contracted with great images and reactions in the mind as the high to contract the low, thus, I commit myself to live in-between as where reality exist not as a polarity, and I commit myself to create a life for all on earth best that we could one day go to the stars together as all of life equally and not just for a few people with money to escape into the idea of stars as fantasy.

Day 421- Star part 8, Babylon part 1

 https://eqafe.com/p/you-re-a-star-reptilians-part-466

...

Babylon movie:

The 2022 film Babylon is about the rise and fall of several ambitious characters in 1920s Hollywood during the transition from silent films to sound films

Babel: The Tower of Babel is an origin myth and parable in the Book of Genesis meant to explain the existence of different languages and cultures.


I watched Babylon the movie with some other Techno Tutor distributors the other night.

We had a lot of fun and I was supported a lot about building a business with Techno Tutor. 

We watched the movie babylon which was about big parties and an earlier time in hollywood so had a lot to do with 'stars', the star of the show, the star of the movie, the star of the party, and it was all meta because this was a movie with movie stars about movies with movie stars. 

Although I'm not clear if the words are directly related in their history and etymology it made me think of babel. Where man was trying to reach the sky (stars/heavens) and then in the story god messed up their languages so that they could not communicate to finish the project.

So, Techno Tutor is the actual tool to allow everyone to speak the same language and speak effectively and speak as equals so that we can build heaven on earth, or a 'tower to the stars'.

I might pause on this movie and all that is coming from it, especially since I have not really notably sat down and watched a movie for maybe over a year/around a year from as I recall.

...

The first thing that really struck me about the movie was the nudity that was presented in it.

I have written in my process extensively about my relationship to women and the naked female form and make effort to not pursue/seek for images of naked women on the internet. 

I assumed going into the movie that such images would have a degree of prevalence given the plot and what the movie was showcasing and it's mature themes. 

I was with other distributors for Techno Tutor/others walking the Desteni process so I was comfortable knowing that I would be going into seeing some images I would have reactions towards. 

The images of the women in the movie who were partying and exposing themselves completely in the nude, did cause me some degree of a very deep visceral reaction/shift/unease within myself.

I'm realizing how versatile the word star is and what it really represent, where star can almost be used ubiquitous with life itself.

In knowing I wanted to take my watching of this movie back to my blog, I was considering how many dimensions of the movie I could trace back to the word star beyond the obvious of movie stars.

My reaction to seeing the women's exposed bodies while watching the movie, brought me to consider a couple interesting things.

The actual body, the human body is emitting, life emits, life radiates just like a star, even though on the direct surface you just see the flat of the skin like dirt or soil, but in fact we are resonating and vibrating and whatever accurate scientific term for the emissions we are giving off.

So to see these women exposed in the movie completely is like seeing and downloading the entire emission radiating from a star. 

Then the attraction/drive that I experience towards the women is like me as a star myself wanting to create a new star with that star to make a human baby as a birthing of a star from two stars coming together. 

...

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stand as equal as a star equally emitting when I see think of or experience a women emitting herself as her total physicality as a star.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into separation from women emitting as stars when I see their bodies.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want women as wanting the star they are for myself to consume and doing so through creating a blackhole vacuum to suck in the star as my mind as my consciousness as my separation from living best in equality and oneness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want women as their star as their emission as a radiating star for myself to be consumed and controlled into me as a black hole destroying myself and them out of spite out of fear and out of separation from me being equal to women as a star as me and star as them creating the best of ourselves.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have reacted to women and reacted to their physical human bodies due to never being educated about who I am and who a women is and so only creating mind imagination based on preexisting separation I was already become in the system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to consume the shine that I see when I look at what a women is putting off as her very core radiating exsistence as a star in this physical world. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have not communicated with women as equals as I am a star and they are and we can both stand together and create as equals so instead going into reactions and compromise within myself and so never actually knowing myself or women as stars as equals but living as a black hole destroying myself and my star potential along with theirs never knowing them nor knowing myself.

When and as I see myself going into separation and so becoming a black hole attempting to consume myself and a women as my and her star potential before it can be birthed as the physical, I stop, I breathe, I realize that I have the potential to become a star that is living and emitting as myself what is best for life just as a women does, thus, I commit myself to communicate with women and create an equally supportive communication and relation to them to support myself and them as equals to becoming stars as life where at the moment we are not and are in fact black holes sucking out all of the life potential from ourselves and each other every moment.

Star

I redefine star as that which is life that emits and radiates itself as giving as life gives.

I redefine human beings as stars which are emitting and creating and resonating themselves at all time and which have the potential to either create and express themselves as life as what is best for life or to become black holes that consume themselves and their star potential before it can be birthed as the physical.

Day 420- Star part 7

 https://eqafe.com/p/you-re-a-star-reptilians-part-466

...

"a conventional or stylized representation of a star, typically one having five or more points."

I realized today that I actually have a star on my back. 

It's funny in writing about the star for a few days that it's only occurring to me that I have a star tattoo. 

I was driving and looking at the carl's jr restaurant which advertises itself with a logo of a smiling star. 

I have the Baphomet sigil on my back which is the upside down version of the regular conventional Carl's Jr logo.

There was a specific reason I got this tattoo of the satanic star

I got the Satanic upside down star during a time where I was having severe revenge of the ego, and was having some mental issues/mental distortions. 

I saw the Satanic star two times. Which is not a usual thing for me to physically see something from my mind projected on the physical/ potentially see something very deep that is not the normal things you see with your eyeballs.

I saw the star right before I was becoming a Techno Tutor distributor as someone was talking to me on the phone relating to becoming a distributor, and at the time I experienced it like they were showing me a part of myself, that they were showing me this part of myself which were represented in the satanic star, and then another expression of myself which was really nice and I liked, I didn't like the expression that I saw from the satanic star.

I saw the Satanic star, a second time, where I from the first time I saw it, saw that I was being warned from a part of myself not to go that direction or that there were two different courses of which I could go in my life and that one was this not great direction and the other was really great. Through many decisions I made and due to instability I was struggling with in my mind I went down a path of a lot of abuse and violence and it was during a violent altercation with my ex wife that I saw this star more vivid than ever surrounding her head like an aura, and I saw this physically with my eyes. 

So, after seeing it the second time over around close to a couple years even from seeing it the first time, I remembered seeing it and the warning and realized that I had chose the path of what this symbol within me represent.

.....

So, time to clean it up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider that going down the path that I did, because it happened, showed that the path in life which the satanic star represent was the path that I was always going to take as it was always within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to panic when seeing that this evil was within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have walked a path of evil when I wish that I had chose the path which was not represented by this symbol of the inverted star but a path that was more like a cool soothing ocean.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate myself for walking a path of evil where I was abusive and being abused in a partnership with my ex wife.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have made ideas and projections about this path that I have walked and the tattoo that I have got to cement the symbol and the memories so that they are not forgotten.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not forgive myself for the evil that I have embodied and realized has been in myself for an unknown amount of time.

Day 420, it's funny that weed played a big role in the path of evil, the path of satanic that I have walked as abuse of myself and my partner and using marijuana creating instability in my mind body being relationship. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to walk a path of evil by smoking marijuana.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to walk a satanic path due to smoking marijuana.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have judged the satanic panic and the relationship to marijuana as a joke or as stupid and yet I have seen how big a role Marijuana played in my disruption from process from success in life and being my best self. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not utilize my star of Satan tattoo as a point of reference as a point of correction as a point of reminder of where I have been and the worst of myself I have seen and why self forgiveness is and always will be required of me to walk every day. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have not even considered that the sigil of Baphomet is actually a star and I saw who I am as birthing myself as the star of Satan as the star of evil, as the star of my own abuse and separation and annihilation.

When and as I see myself fearing the sigil of Baphomet and remembering my abuse and my evil that I endured at the hands of others and acted upon directly myself, I stop, I breathe, I realize that I have this inverted star on my back as a reminder so that I always come back to process and self forgiveness and changing myself in this lifetime as I have seen without a doubt the deepest depravity of abuse that I have walked as victim and as perpetrator in this life, thus, I commit myself to look at my tattoo of the inverted star on my back as a reminder and to bring everything back to process as I have sealed on my back the absolute wickedness of the mind as what I have created and allowed as consciousness as separation as abuse as evil.

I commit myself to forgive myself and correct myself of the evil I have lived in this lifetime. 

Day 419- Star part 6

 https://eqafe.com/p/you-re-a-star-reptilians-part-466

...

Star is close to start.

You cross like a t a star as a starting point.

When I found process through You tube listening to Bernard, that was my star and so that was where I identified my starting point.

I identified then many other Destonians as different dimensions and starting points, and that although Bernard was the primary star there was many references and that it was an entire constellation of stars as different Destonians clearly visibly walking their process. 

start. 

I have started my process in different calibers and different dimensions, and then have stopped.

I use to blog a lot more frequently and saw it as the pinnacle of what process was.  

I started and then I stopped. When I really stopped was when I judged myself as seeing myself as a star simply for writing an 'online journal', and so I had found other Destonians walking a different path of process I never knew before. 

I judged what I had walked as insignificant, I judged my journal as poor, foolish, naive. 

Now I have begun reigniting that point that I had found and started, now at this moment I am walking multiple dimensions of 'process'.

I have heard some people regard process as being one thing, and some as process being another thing. 

I have started every single facet of process which I could identify thus far, spoken to many different Destonians and people involved in process. Consumed many different pieces from the material from Desteni.

I see that I have identified and started in some capacity anything I could consider being the pinnacle of process. 

Even being in an agreement/relationship is an aspect of process which I had seen through to it's bitter completion over the course of many years. Actually potentially a great departure for both parties, but that's only for time to tell.

So, I have started a many different aspect and dimension of process.

So, a real star, someone hellbent on birthing themselves as a star best for all of life, regarding all within it's nature of oneness and equality, a star like that would shine with everything considered, and see it all through till my last breath. 

...

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to start and not finish my blogging out of judgement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become sidetracked starting a process of developing a relationship to breathing and in so abandoning my self forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have started breathing and living words and writing self forgiveness and yet stopping being engaged and finishing to completion all of these process when I became enamored in a relationship with a women over the course of many years. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to start a process using Techno Tutor and then abandon the things that I had developed and started in regarding other aspects and relationships in my process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have started using Techno Tutor and seeing it as an aspect missing in my process and then have stopped and given up on it resuming with other endeavors. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have begun as started a process with living words and then judged it as something I could not figure out nor understand and so go into a state of lacking of word lacking of defining and refining myself and my reality as the words I am actually living and expressing. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have started forming relationships and getting to know the other Destonians and then stopped when I became a Techno Tutor distributor going into hostility and reaction to them for not having started an aspect of process which I deemed as invaluable and undeniable. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have begun Desteni I process only to have stopped and not seen it through even when having switched to different buddies or looked into different means of either paying for or getting a grant through writing blogs. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to begun as start a process with exercise needing to improve my health and my relationship with my body so that I could succeed in all facets of process by having an optimal managed relation to my body and the physical yet stopped when my prior relation found that she was not as enthuastic about exercising for herself and so I stopped a vital process within myself to appease this relationship that made it difficult to exercise as an agreement. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have stopped working at certain junctions in my process despite seeing that upon starting to work and how I was able to afford certain physical requirements in process like DIP pro, Techno Tutor, or EQAFE and other ventures I was supporting within moving reality to a position of being corrected through process through changing the system, yet I went into overwhelming that it was so hard and so difficult and so beyond what I realized that process would not always come easy if ever. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look for shortcuts and go into denial of building a Techno Tutor business being the most difficult aspect of process that I had encountered to this day going into total and absolute revenge of the ego ravaging myself in my mind going into total and absolute denial and self destruction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have started the journey to life blogs of heavens journey and creations journey only to fall flat and give up on those never reaching very far into them as a daily habit. 

So many things I have started and stopped. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have made a jagged and rough and turmoil filled process because I have started and started and started many a thing I realized is vital to me in my process and then traded or discarded or did not finish or see through to completion. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have begun my process very early on in my life of stopping my mind consciousness and yet stopped, so far back that I cannot remember why more than, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have begun my process in the very beginning of my teenage years and then stopped to pursue delusion of spirituality and drugs and sex. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself in this one last lifetime to starting every single aspect of my process but not finishing or seeing to completion any of it. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have stopped walking process during a phase when I had lost my father and was forced and thrust into survival in the system having to work and drive and figure out what to do for a career and a future for myself in the world.

starting and stopping and starting and stopping.

I have been stuttering and stumbling through my process very not smooth and very not graceful and making the load very hard and big.

When and as I see myself having dropped an aspect of my process, I stop, I breathe, I realize that in this last lifetime with these last breaths and moments I have that I cannot leave a stone unturnt and forgotten, thus, I commit myself to challenge and question in myself and others whey any aspect of process is being left behind started only to stop.

I commit myself to see through to completion all of my process considering every aspect equally of relevance and importance in totality.

I commit myself to finish what I started as birthing myself as life as the process of me becoming a star in this lifetime as a star of my process which I can then as a star give that same potential I realized to others. 

I commit myself to document my process through writing my blog.

I commit myself to using Techno Tutor.

I commit myself to building the Techno Tutor business.

I commit myself to reading the heavens and creations journey to life blogs.

I commit myself to participating and connecting with other Destonians.

I commit myself to form an agreement with another to share in process together.

I commit myself to write my self forgiveness and correction every day.

I commit myself to breathing actively in each breath never missing a breath.

I commit myself to living words as defining and refining my living and my potential itched out in every cell and breath and moment as the words I am embodying and living and expressing writing and speaking the words out to be shared and communicated how I redefined them and lived them for myself and others. 

I commit myself to finish what I have STARted from the day that I found Bernard.

I commit myself to finish listening through EQAFE.

I commit myself to read the Desteni material.

I commit myself to listen to all of Bernards audios. 

I commit myself to never stop any aspect of my process ever again, as killing and denying a part of who I am leading to immense suffering and horrible abuse.

I commit myself to exercise to support my body to be at it's best even when feeling sick or faced with resistance.