Day 367- Wasting an oppritunity

I had a great opportunity and I've wasted that potential

I let my thoughts guide me, and didn't stop to question what is best?

Now I'm stuck in a position that is very hard to work my way out of, and now I'm in a state of regret, regretting what I lost and what I traded it for.

I now desperately look over what others are writing and what others are doing wishing I'd paid more attention sooner.

I should not have let my thoughts carry me away to my own demise.

I should have stood my ground and stuck with what was clearly best for me in my life

I cannot take back my actions now, I've disrupted the flow and all of the effort I put into building up my life, to be right on the  brink of a break through, and instead turned my life into a massive break down.

Saving names and details, there were people I should have listened to and spoken to, but again stayed in my bubble of thought's and let those thoughts become my twisted situation.

I see the people making real moves and making real difference and struggle to see how I will ever match those people now after having made my decisions which affected my lively hood and my income.

I am at my rock bottom, and all the dwelling over it in the world cannot change and fix my choices I've acted on as my thoughts I let become my new reality.

Techno Tutor is the best thing I've seen come through into this world, and anyone who has a chance to work with these tools needs to stick it out and don't back down.

Day 366- Too little too late

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to do as little as possible in terms of walking the Desteni material.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a state of shock and denial that there's no possible way I could be that arrogant and that deceptive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to give up in saying 'I placed this bet, and I've lost everything for it, so why keep playing'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wish violence on myself going into such a deep state of regret and remorse yet still seeking a way out to not really face the reality I've manifested.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stand as tall as I can regardless of how shallow and low I realize I've been over so many years.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to refuse to give myself another chance because within the narrative even though I see what I've done and what I've created, deep down I've programmed myself this way so much that I still don't want to stand even though I see how desperately I need to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to choose the hardest most difficult path for myself when I did not need to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not fight for myself to walk and to stand in real change even where it seems hopeless and too much abuse having occured.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be my cure despite how painful and agonizing the treatment will be when it's going to hurt me to change and heal the same way it'll hurt the entire globe and all of humanity equally as all will hurt sometimes when facing real change 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lie to myself about everything in this life and process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be proud that I have faced the deepest trench of myself and my life and am able to actually address it for real for the first time in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make special mind games instead of making a special life walking process walking self forgiveness and walking together with others.

I commit myself to fight from the very very bottom where I have found my real domain.

I commit myself to drag myself out of hiding and face the reality I'm allowing to exsist for all of eternity should I not stand and change as all as one and equal.

I commit myself to face the words of others and let the words sting and hurt as that hurt is my ego and my mind beign put into it's place and seeing the disconnect and seeprstion I've allowed from it.

I commit myself to redefine what it really means to be walking process to the fullest with the greatest integrity and effort.