Day 78- Hope

Hope, I hope there is still a chance.

I hop to conclusions.

It makes me happy, projecting.

Being able to totally control my future through my internal projections.

I don't control my future this way.

I control my expectations.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be influenced by my projections of how things will happen.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself from improving, because I have already projected how I want things to happen for me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel happy when things work out the way I'd like them to, and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel sad when they do not.

Projecting events in my mind, allows me to only work with what I would like to see.

As I'd like to be able to control both the positive and negative outcomes.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project the way I'd like people to act onto them.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try to control other people through my own projections.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try to create reward for myself through trying to control others through projections, when for me to live and speak projection, is for me to not live and speak best for all equally.

I could imagine the perfect world, a utopia, and it makes me happy.

I can look at my own memories and create different scenarios of what is happening. I was where I was and did what I did, because of karma, because of god, because of my own decisions, because of other's decisions, because any reason I can.

The way an event really took place in my own mind can still be manipulated once more by trying to make it into something else, when it happened, I thought this person did this because of this, but when I thought more about it, he did this because of this, because of this, yet what actually happened was he did this, because of this, because of that.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto memories that should have no influence or affect over me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react with embarrassment and displeasure when I'm trying to remember certain events a certain way, but end up seeing them completely differently.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to let my memories of the past, become what I will live in the future.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize I cannot control ever single aspect of my future for real.

Why am I unable to live what is here, what is real, utilizing projections as a tool, but not a destination.

As with opening any new door, comes some very specific problems.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hope my imagination will become real.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge imagination as a bad thing, and I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize how I can use my imagination as a tool.

I commit myself to stop, breathe, and direct myself when and as I see myself obsessing over false idols as dreams, memories, predictions of the future, as I realize images as representing suppressed parts of myself, where an image must be formed, from where I cannot see.