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Sometimes I get afraid that having any assosstion with desteni will lead to the government coming after me, the elite sending their boogymen after me.
It's a simple and perfect fear.
No way to substantiate, no way to ever know, the perfect Boogeyman always there in the shadows, making myself see things in the dark that aren't there, that were never there.
That the elite will see that desteni has the tools to change ourselves and people coming together to use them, to be the change they want to see.
What I see, which is very relevant, is that I'm my own boogeyman, what I fear the government doing to me the elites doing to me, I manifest and create for myself already in the most sickening frightening ways.
Exactly what I fear of the government doing to me the elites doing to me, I did instead to myself to a tee.
The government the elites has been not yet successful in suppressing Desteni, but I on the other hand have been unquestionably successful in suppressing myself when I left Desteni when I left self forgiveness.
The government and elites have not yet succeeded in slandering Desteni in making everyone within Desteni everyone using and applying self forgiveness as loons as degenerates, but I have been very successful in wielding the name of self forgiveness of Desteni and proceeding to act in degenerative ways towards myself and other's to slander myself and others.
In all the ways that the government the elite have failed to manifest my fears my paranoia, I have been very successful in manifesting them for myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the elite always being around the corner.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I'm a threat to the elite in proposing a real change through self forgiveness.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to hide away where 'they' can't find me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to the elite catching wind of Desteni
and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear how I'm already giving the elite a perfect psycological profile to use against me, like... literally everything about me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear how easy it would be for the elite to use the transperency of self forgiveness to know how to manipulate me or other's in knowing what things me or other's are still working on and are sensative about.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that the elite could show up at any moment and destroy everything the people within Desteni are working towards.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being a martyr standing up for change in the most real way sharing it with other's and having to be put down or slandered for it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having to go up against the elite when I'm already having such a hard time going up against myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I woudn't stand a chance against what the elite could in my mind theoretically throw at me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not work with reality where I go into paranoia and all of sudden anything is possible.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what my breaking point would be where I would no longer have the courage to speak out to make my voice heard.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within myself go into fear and isolation before any real threat of such things happening has even occured.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let this backchat possess me of 'I know it's going to happen it must happen at some point.'
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having to ever make the choice of having to stay or go from being open and expressive about Desteni to having to isolate myself in the face of persecution.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I've been my own government, my own elite.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that these thoughts and ideas of what the elite would do in persecuting me I've already done in persecuting myself.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see what I fear of the elite and goverment focing me into isolation is what I have already done to myself.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see the government and the elite in my mind is just an echo of myself and what I have already and still create in paranoia distrust slander manipulation.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to externalize my own abuse onto the governement.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame the government and elite responsabile for what I do to myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to cut away all these parts of myself that I've created and use them to then paint a picture of some boogeyman out there when all the pieces I've created of the boogeyman is coming from me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that somewhere somehow the boogeyman is going to creep into my life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that each time I've blamed the illuminati for all the problems in the world I took myself out of the equation and said this world and me is their problem to fix.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I knew some great secret about there being a ruling class where when I look around it's become a meme such a common known fact that it's joked about, it's irrelevant it's obvious that there's a ruling class because of how the money is distrubuted.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be the boogeyman of those who suffer, where I take from the suffering of other's in my products my consuming, without question or consideration.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be the boogeyman of those in poverty where I hoard my wealth do nothing with my potential to change and in my actions tolerate everything that is occuring in the world as not having anything to do with me.
When and as I see myself fearing the elite sending their boogeymen to get me, I stop, I breathe, I realize that I'm the boogeyman, thus, I commit myself to stand with Desteni and self forgiveness and make it visible and clear what I'm doing and what's availbe in terms of information and supoprt as long as I can bare to do so against myself letting fear influence me.
I commit myself to see how far I can go in standing up within self forgiveness and making it visible and clear that it can be traced back.
I commit myself to make it clear once I change if I ever change how I did so, where there's no point in just changing myself without extending that to other's so that it can reach the whole globe one day.
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