Day 327- damnation is cool

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I was having to go back to my shame and regret anger ect of turning away from my calling in self forgivenss and walking with desteni.

I have to go back to it ever now and then because deep down I know when something is actually getting resolved or just held at bay for a little.

So I think it's like I've damned myself.

Like damn I messed up, I went the wrong way, so proud, so sure of myself, going go do things my own way.

And what I did, I tuned my back on myself.

So I'm fucked every day.

So negative so uncomfortable in my own body.

So lame so lost so deteriorated.

No solace no heaven only illusions.

Unbelievable.

The more I get to know myself the less surprising it is when i discover my nature.

What's my nature?

Pretty selfish, like, how do I managed to justify how selfish I am?

But then am I happy? What has being selfish gotten me? Nothing I'm in hell, the kind of hell when you have food shelter and everything you need phsycisl and yet nothing can statisfy nothing can bring comfort.

Pretty cool through, I'm out of outs, just have to go all in self forgivness oneness equality what's best for life, don't have any other ways out.

Can still Support myself and other's through my mistakes can be proud that I've come to the point of loss, lost all conceivable means of escape from who I need to be and what I must do with myself while I'm still alive.

No choice, the littlest things, a little spiteful comment, and I'm in trouble, the littlest thought... No good.

So cool though.

Every little things counts, every little thing, so cool.

This is awesome, I'm stuck here having no choice but to face myself to share myself.

Fantastic.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to appreciate my damnation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not appreciate that I can see what needs to be done and don't have a choice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not appreciate that I'm trapped and within being trapped I see I've trapped myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to appreciate that being trapped with my consquences allows me to see what I need to change.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see how awesome being at a dead end is where it's very clear what needs to be done.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to appreciate that however uncomfortable I am and constantly spiraling in my mind who I must be and what I must do is so simple and straightforward it's a blessing.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to appreciate having nothing to loose and only what I can gain moving forward for real in giving what I'd like to receive.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to appreciate not having to think any more no need to have philosophy or having to think about things all deep, just do what's best for everyone, be my best, figure it out one way or another.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to appreciate being a 'bat out of hell'.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to appreciate the gift of self forviness that, what stands in what's best one and equal is what stands and what doesn't stand create consquence.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to appreciate having the answer to everything, forgive and correct in a way that stands for life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to appreciate the simplicity, just forgive correct what stands stands what doesn't was no who I am.

When and as I see myself feeling desperate to end my discomfort somehow but not being able to, I stop, I breathe, I realize that what stands in self forviness and correction is all that matter and all that I need to support myself because it's the only thing that can support me any longer, thus, I commit myself to appreciate that no matter how uncomfortable, no matter how much my mind spirals out, I know what to do, to take it back to self in self forgivness and to correct.