Day 398- Hearthstone: Rouge bounce deck

 I made some great movements for myself today, but did not completely follow through on stopping playing my game. 

I want to get into the specifics of the actual game mechanics from the specific/only class/deck that I play in the card game. 

The nature of the deck is to 'bounce' certain cards back to your hand off of the playing field. The cards do certain affects when they are played from your hand onto the board, so by bouncing the card off the playing field and back into your hand you can net the reward of playing the card multiple times. 

I think the word reward is key. 

It is very stimulating, I think it's just again distracting me from what's important and relevant that I could be putting constant time and effort into, but it is simply very effective at doing it because there are cool mechanics that have you planning your strategy and the cards are very colorful and have well designed affects when they are played or interacted with on the playing board (on the phone or computer)

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to play against other players in the game and see all the color cards and affects.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get sunk back into the game when new cards are released and the nature of the game play changes with new cards that do new things. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take this seriously as I would a drug addiction where I am putting time and money into something that is not necessarily serving me to get a certain feeling in reward no different than using a drug. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel less than and diminished when I do not get the feeling reaction that is generated for me when I see all the cards playing back and forth on the battlefield of the video game. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play with cards on a battlefield fighting someone else for my own entertainment and amusement when other people right now in the real world are fighting with guns and killing each other and I am not being a change on my own end when I am playing pretend war with card games while real war persist. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to see the fun cards playing out on the card game battle field when in my real life each day I can be accumulating and creating something to generate me money and value for myself to actually elevate myself for real as a human instead of being elevated as energy feeling enlightened when I am winning at my video game. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine the card breakdance in my head, where the nature of the card is based on the theme of the new expansion and is of a character dancing and so generates the same stimulus in me of fun and dancing and playing and excitement and rhythm. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to bounce the card that consumes the enemy cards and eats their stats back to my hand because I have a good feeling when I consume big stats of my enemies destroying their cards and generating a large creature on my board after having consumed their cards. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to bounce Astalor back to my hand which is the main winning condition of the deck because this card can deal a lot of damage to the enemy and by bouncing it and replaying it multiple times I can defeat the enemy through attrition. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not live to create something meaningful and significant in my life instead of just being an employee going to work and desiring to get out and play video games without any greater purpose or sense of creating anything substantial over time. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be willing to sacrifice this thing that I gain pleasure and enjoyment from to create something of greater pleasure and greater enjoyment as my real life and real legacy and creation in the real world beyond the limited digital world of a small online card game. 

When and as I see myself desiring to see the fun colorful cards playing on the game board, I stop, I breathe, I realize that I can and must create something fun and worthwhile in my own life or else in the end all fun and color and enjoyment will end as it was not real and not substantiated beyond a little online card game that isn't a fraction of the greater whole of reality, thus, I commit myself to try again to quit playing Hearthstone, and to seal the deal where I won't let a new expansion of new colorful toys distract me when the next expansion for the game is released.