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Sometimes I hate sharing what I'm walking in my process.
But, for years when I went to walk my process all alone without self forgiveness without sharing myself with anyone, I didn't get anywhere, I had nothing to share.
Now I see it like, as stupid as I feel sometimes, or am in a bad mood or just don't want to share, it's just good for me.
It's like, here I am.
I want to share what I'm doing in self forgiveness because it's so simple, and it works, but if no one shares it, there's no point, there's more impact in sharing and being open.
It puts me on the spot, it's just good, it was the first thing I wanted to do when I got back into self forgiveness a year ago.
I hadn't talked to anyone in the group about coming back because it's not something that works like that, I just had a moment that's a whole other story where I was done walking without self forgiveness, I couldn't take not using it any longer.
Then the first thing I wanted to do was start my blog again, that's just what I knew to do.
I didn't ask anyone, I didn't even know anyone but a few people who were still visibly around, I was alone in making that decision and that's what I want to maintain.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I share for other people and not myself when I remember when I started back up a year ago, I was dead alone, the only real relationship I had was with my mom, I didn't have anyone, it was just me deciding I'm going to try this again and I'm going to share it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear I've drifted away from that genuine moment of seeing what I need to do and doing it for myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel stupid sharing myself everyday.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as not having anything worth sharing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stay with myself in my original direction where I see it as important to share what I'm walking in self forgiveness and that's not stupid.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to validate my sharing myself in self forgiveness in trying to find ways to give myself more value within it where I don't need more value it's me sharing self forgiveness there's nothing more needed then that.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel ashamed that I can't stick it out in just sharing unconditionally where I need to create other dimensions of validation for what I'm doing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel stupid because I don't know if sharing my process like I try to do has any impact on anything or not.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to have an impact in the world where to validate myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to impact other's to give myself validation.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to emotionally invest myself in impacting other's to be inspired to look into desteni and self forgiveness where sharing my blog to me is my utmost potential and that's what matters what other people think it's up to me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear drifting slowly away from my intentions in sharing myself in self forgiveness every day where it's been a whole year and I haven't hardly written out self forgiveness for sharing myself and everything is mostly in tact so it all held up pretty well.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be paranoid that there's no way that after a year things could still be holding up so well with such little mantainace.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to consider that sharing myself might be a strength of mine and that's why I see it as important and do it so casually.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume that something must be wrong under the surface instead of considering that I might have a strength in sharing myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for being shameless where that can be a skill and strength to develop.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fee like I should be ashamed in sharing myself so brasinly without anything planned out or that is well written or comes through very well.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress how I don't care how poorly I come through where that not caring isn't neccisaraly a negative thing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for being a jackass for not caring how I come across in my writing online where that can be good to be able to just speak out and
express myself from where I'm at, where I trust myself because I know I'm trying so I don't hold things against myself in that way.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to hold things against myself where I react and regret, 'I shouldn't have said that', 'that was stupid', 'why'd I do that out loud'
When and as I see myself juding myself as not doing good enough or not being effective enough when I share myself and my process online, i stop, I breathe, I realize I can't express myself from more then where I'm at, and I shouldn't be then judging where I'm at as not good enough because it is what its, thus, I commit myself to stand by myself in not judging myself when I share myself and my process online because I'm not being fair to myself when I judge myself as not being meaningful or coherent as I see other's being.
I commit myself to not compare where I am at in what I can share of my process with that of other's.
I commit myself to keep finding cool fantasy pictures for my picture art for the blog because that's a fun part of my daily routine where I can look at cool pictures and find a nice one for my blog, where even if it's not relevant it's adding more fun and flesh to the whole experience and that's important to me.
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