Day 317- not strong enough thru comparison

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I'm thinking about how you would look at things from a motivational speaker, like 'I am strong enough'  'I can do it', I go into that sometimes and then it doesn't actually hold up you have to keep applying it keep going up and down to generate that energy.

I just want to be strong enough to keep living how I am living.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as not good enough.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge other's with self esteem problems like 'just get over it', where now I see how deeply woven it can be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create deep self value issues in myself where I always through my life needed to be valuing myself through other's.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to require to be valued by other's where I didn't feel complete within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look to other's to complete the picture of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself with other to 'find myself'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have not let go of this needing others to complete me even when I saw how self destructive it was.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to other's through my whole life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to other Destonians where I find myself not holding up not good enough so then create that and live that experience of not being strong enough.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I've been living this comparison of myself to other's and not feeling strong enough not good enough since I can first remember.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that a very deep part of my process since it's from my earliest memories is feeling not good enough in comparison to others feeling I need to act on this comparison and move myself into more power.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let this simple point be so existential from my earliest memories where just stop judging Everything and walk things out the way I'm supposed to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as not good enough in comparison where I'm judinh myself to someone else and then deciding I don't have enough value.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to value myself through judgement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place value of life through judgement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge other's and other's where they are within their life process as equal to my own.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create this system where I could have seen everyone as equal within their process from my very first memory instead of judging everyone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear how my first memory I can recall involved me judging myself and others where I can't go back further then my first memory so I just draw the line there, stop judging where I'm at in my process or other's.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek value in judgement of where I or other's are at in their process in ego self intrest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be selfish where being selfish isn't even in my best intrest so it's not selfish but totally misconceived.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be totally misconceived about life through judgement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be totally misconceived that I am my mind of ego.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be misconceived that I'm not good enough because my mind where I should have just dropped my mind instead of trying to feed my ego through comparison.

When and as I see myself not seeing myself as good enough compared to other Destonians, I stop, I breathe, I realize this judgement comes from me not being properly brought up where my first memories are of me living this misconceived judgement, thus, I commit myself to take my programming into my own hands now as an adult and stop judging where other's are within their process but see them clearly for who they are where I then see myself clearly for who I am unconditionally without judgement.

I commit myself to stop trying to live out my ego values through desteni where I want to find my value through my position in my process but that's like I saw coming form my misguided ineffective upbringing.

I commit myself to take full responsibility for my own upbringing and his it made me who I am to this day through conscienceness.