Sunday, December 25, 2016

Day 288- getting out of the woods


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I have this experience for a long time.

Like the expreicne of being trapped in some emotion, high, pain, at work, in a conflict, in a relationship, like being trapped and that I think to myself very often all I have to do is to 'get out of the woods' to get out of the situation and then everyt
hing will be cool.

Like I'm at a long day at work, and I think all I have to do is finish this day at work and then everything will be cool, Everything will be better and I'll never get stressed out about work again and my life will be better.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be narrow sighted when I expect trivial things to resolve my problems where why would getting this one day done with make such a difference?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my external enviornment like once I'm done with work, once I'm done with this person, once I'm done with this problem I'll be fine.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider what being gone means, where I'll be 'fine once I'm done with this part of my life'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others things for why I'm not fine.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need to be fine and I need to not be stressed out where if I have stress I need to face it not be done with it magically over night.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to magically pop into a better exsistance for myself where there's some secret point that is like a break in the dam that will release me of everything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be released of everything all at once instead of seeing how things are dealt with in real time slowly in day-to-day and I can't just do anything that will suddenly resolve all my stress and problems.

I Forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that the only way to be fine as to be stable and well and living is to forgive my way out, not run, or hide, or fight, but to just keep forgiving.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry about getting through certain conflicts and points in my life where the only way out for real is to forgive my way out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create problems to them forgive my way out of instead of reaching further and really addressing my flaws and limitations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my struggle being too much to forgive all at once where I don't need to forgive things all at once there'll be problems that go unresolved and I'll have to live through them where it's too late for me as the world to stop the pain and suffering that's already been set in motion over night.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear there being parts of myself that are hard to forgive where even in speaking one point out I could be in pain due to another point and thus it's impossible to alleviate all pain all at once because things have to be adressed one at a time.

When and as I see myself trying to get out of the woods as out of whatever it is I'm blaming all my problems on for that moment, I stop, I breathe, I realize even in self forgiveness alone you still have to take things one at a time and can't just resolve Everything all at once, thus, I commit myself to embrace the pain and forgive my way out of things one point at a time, not expecting any one point to be an end all point and not expecting things to just get better over night.

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