Day 51- Relationships

I say relationship with myself as well as other's in this post, because I want to make it clear to myself, that I have a relationship and personalities that I interact with towards myself like I would anyone else in the same way I might judge myself or another, I might behave a certain way towards myself as I would towards another, to help me understand in how I am taking my relationships back to myself, because my relationship with myself is my starting point from where my relationships with other's evolve from.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wait for my relationships with myself and others to improve on 'it's own'.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize myself as an active participant as caring about the relationships I form.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that I could be living self support for myself and others by actively working on creating better relationships between me and others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be lazy as expecting my relationships to just fall into place on their own.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to direct myself within the knowledge I already have of what a better more stable relationship between me and all other's looks like.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to 'wait' for my relationships to fall into place within me writing myself out, and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to let my relationships fall apart as I wait for something to just come together within myself.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to live as the directive principle of what is best between myself and others, where I know I could improve through writing, but that is not to say I do not already have a foundation of what a secure and stable relationship looks like within myself already, and I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to give to myself and other's that part of myself, as within this being selfish.

What I was working though about selfishness in the past, is that selfish is not in my best interest, nor the best interest of others, selfishness is a disease, no one gains anything, one and equal is best, one and none where what the selfish action intended to give to myself, does not even support or give me anything for real, selfishness is not anyone's interest.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be selfish within my relationship with myself and other's, as I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to say if I cannot 'win' in this relationship as my ego, than no one may win.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be selfish within my relationships with myself and other's by not rising to the occasion each and every time, by doing everything within my power to stand for what is best between me and another, as it will take time do develop, but the time to start is now.

I commit myself to begin to stand for what is best between myself or another in each moment, as working toward forming relationships that are best for life, as starting with what I know is best, and rooting out what is and is not working best, and failing, and falling, and learning with myself and others.

I need to also prepare myself, because I know this is no simple task, that I have been neglecting to stand for my relationships with myself and other's and to now simply switch back on, shows a polarity as energy...

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to put effort into maintaining myself as being kind, respectful, listening, being supportive within my relationships with myself and other's when I 'feel like it'.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as personality as ego, which can be moved by energy, where I stand for what's best between myself and other's as my interaction's when I 'feel like' doing so.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear stepping out of my shell, where I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to retreat into my shell of thoughts, backchat, emotions, and feelings, where I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to stand for relationships that support me in being able to express myself here to the best of my abilities, yet I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to only support myself within relationships that support me, showing my dependency when I retreat into my shell because things did not go accordingly.

I cannot just hunt down relationships that are always in my interest as self support, or mutually supportive, things always snap, within weeks, days, minutes, everything is unstable, so I cannot exist as this personality dependent on my stability within relationships that I experience as liberating.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to partake in relationships that are 'liberating', where, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek to liberate parts of myself through other people, where I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that this liberation as expressing myself where I otherwise felt unable to, is showing me where I am not standing for myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to liberate myself within the experience of a relationship, instead of changing for real that which require my attention as forgiveness.

The point here is about how I have something caged in, and then experience pleasure or joy as releasing it, so it's clearly needing self forgiveness as it already has a system, where I can relate my memories of being at work, at school, with people, and feeling suppressed, but then starting to click and expressing myself made me feeling better, but nothing really changes, it is just the forming of a personality, using relationships as reinforcement.

I commit myself to continue to investigate where I have enforced my inner reality of my mind onto the world, through enforcing it within my relationships with myself and other's, as taking something fictional as the mind interpretation of events, and feeding into said memories until they are ingrained in the very fabric of my behavior and perceptions of myself and others.

I commit myself to further my research into my different personalities within relationships, as I realize relationships as another element of my internal dynamic, as relationships with other people and myself reflecting me back to myself.