Day- 11 Thinking as a Tool of Support

Yesterday I experimented with seeing just how little I could think. I was shocked by the results, because I realized as I saw myself still able to think, but not as a word in my head, just as an understanding I experience within myself.

One thing came up where I was at work, and was doing fine without participating in any internal talking dialogue within my head, but then I got hit with this fear, as an anxiety that felt like it had punctured my heart, when I had the thought I need to cash in my work checks.

So, I realize in a sense I was just suppressing a lot of the things I would normally have been thinking about, and so it found a different way to come into my mind as a thought that came out of no where, and I react with fear and pain in my heart.

So, then I wonder, there are things I do need to think about, like I’ve told myself before, eating, sleeping, going to work, writing, all the things I actually do, I have to have some kind of awareness of them and be able to direct myself to act out these activates.

So, it seems like I do need to think, but within that, I can try to be as directive, and strict as possible, where I do not fade off into the neither as I think about doing something, and then think about something else, and then all of a sudden I’m day dreaming, and have no physical awareness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear thinking.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear facing my own participation within thinking.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I cannot utilize my mind as thinking in the most sufficient supportive way possible.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to let thinking about the real things I need to do, and the real decisions I need to make, to turn into me using these moments to drift off into the depths of my mind, as thinking about things that are totally irrelevant, and not how I should be using my mind to support myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think about things because I am experiencing myself as bored.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think about things like television and video games, and within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize where I have placed value within my mind as looking at the things which I experience the compulsive need to think about.

I value my writing, I value having a job where I can support myself, I value being able to make decisions and being able to weigh what is the best decision within myself.

I commit myself to make the values that actually support me as life be the things that I think about, and only to the degree where I am still here breathing, and am directing the thinking to not stray from the path I decide it should go, and within an efficiency that allows me to not spend more time thinking about something then I need to.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I will be a zombie if I do not think.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own mind’s functions, instead of practically facing them within writing as self forgiveness and self commitment statements.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think about memories.

I pick, and pry, and dig deep into memories, because I am still holding onto the memory as my mind, still digging for some satisfaction, some reaction, something to feed my mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use thinking to feed my mind energy system.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think about memories.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use my thinking as a source of energy where I think about things as visions and words to cause a trigger within me.

Earlier today I was thinking about an event I was going to write about, but in my mind I kept thinking and thinking about the event, as the words ‘look at this’, look at this, remember this, hold onto this.

Then I said, okay, I am going to set up a time to do this, and then I will be done thinking about it, because I have set up a time and date to write about this thing, so now I know, when I  am thinking about this event, I’m thinking about it as drifting into my mind for energy, because I have already established a date to write out this event, and have no reason to pry into this memory as and within the search for an energetic reaction.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not trust myself to be able to think about what I’m going to do, one time, and then do it without having to think about it many more times between then.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have constructed my mind in such a disorganized way, that I cannot even think about organizing and planning an actual event without going into the neither of my mind and pulling up all kinds of things without even realizing it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not have given to myself the gift of a clean, effective, and organized mind that can be utilized to support life as making decisions, planning, and in some cases just generally thinking about something in a way that is productive and allows me to understand the world better.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be programmed into what I should think about, and within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that the things I am allowing myself to think about which are vacant and selfish will result in me behaving based on that thinking, because it is what I am imprinting onto myself as my mind character.

"I think, therefore I am", when really, 'I am what I think'. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to develop a selfish and cruel mind character for myself through my acceptance and allowing through thinking.

‘Screw this, I don’t want to do this’, ‘Wow, look at how dumb that person is’, ‘I can’t believe that person just did that’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create my evil mind system through thinking.

I commit myself to stand for myself as life by using my thinking in a way that promotes what is best for all of life at all times.

I commit myself to stop breathe and correct when and as I see myself thinking in a way that is not as efficient as possible.

I commit myself to develop a more efficient thinking method.

I commit myself to stop, breathe, and correct, when and as I see myself thinking about things that are not going to actually be applied in my real life as things that do not have any value to life.

I commit myself to stop, breathe, and correct when and as I see myself drifting off into day dreams within my thinking.

I commit myself to explore my thinking to the degree that I can learn how to manifest it as something that can be best for all of life, and to understand how I can also think here as my body.