Day- 13 Dignity at while at Work

All day at work, I face constant ups and downs, tribulations, it is an intense experience.

Some times painful, physically.

I thought about how I feel like I’m in a boat out at sea, can’t leave no matter how stressful. There’s no where to go out at sea, you’re stuck with those around you, and the water.

I realize that by working I’m able to fund my DIP process I just recently purchased, a good way to spend the money I work for, a way to make my work not ‘just me getting by’. I can also afford to pay rent and buy food, and support myself in that regard.

I realize the strength, decisions, relationships, and discipline, as well as the privilege to first hand face what the world has come to as working to just get by, while still having support systems existing within my family in the case where things might fall through within my jobs for whatever reason.

I think about during my day what I can write about, and come up with a lot of ideas, but right now I reflect on everything I had to face within my work, and I realize that’s a major point I need to write on.

Something that effects me dearly, in that, I cannot stop what I’m doing at work to go write out my reactions, my thoughts, my feelings. I only have what I can do for myself in those moments, be it slowing down, breathing, introspecting, reflecting, all fine things, but not to the degree required for actual change as self forgiveness and self honesty.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create the alternate personality of ‘just get though the day’.

Then what? Go back again tomorrow.

There are times in my day where I have practiced quietly doing self forgiveness aloud while I’m alone, and these can be supportive moments, but I cannot be loud bringing attention to myself by doing self forgiveness while I need to be doing my job.

It’s a matter of common sense, I’m there to do what I’m suppose to, anything else can potentially be a liability for my job security.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I have no means of self support while I’m at work.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not give to myself the many means of self support available outside of writing, which still can reflect me supporting myself in self honesty, as within self honesty I realize I must compromise, because speaking self forgiveness aloud is very rarely an appropriate behavior for a working environment, but I can do as I mentioned, in breathing, thinking about things in a practical and direct manner without allowing my mind to stray, bringing my attention to myself physically and the tasks I am doing, and directing myself to stop participation in my mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear brining self honesty and self commitment to my day to day routine at work as being too difficult.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself into the personalities of ‘I’m a work’, and ‘I’m at home.’

When I’m existing as, ‘I’m at work’ there’s a feeling of constraint, as I cannot do certain things that might support me, I must do what I am required. When I exist as ‘I’m at home’, I experience peace and comfort.

Yet for a day like today I’m at work more than I’m even at home, so why not give to myself the same comfort and clarity that comes with being at home.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not bring myself comfort while at work.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself by the notion ‘I’m at work’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that work must be painful and difficult.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize how I am the one restricting myself at work, as there are no rules for how one must exist within themselves while at work, and if I was content and comfortable within my own body as each breathe as physical self support, no one can take that.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wait until I have a particularly challenging and chaotic day before I realize that something must be done.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize self support as the means of which I can give to myself strength and comfort beyond the bounds of writing and speaking self forgiveness are available for me if I will allow it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not take things slow within myself while at work.

I could be required to work very fast, but within myself I am still competent within being able to slow things down to support myself within the act of working.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel scared at work.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel like the challenge is to great, and that I must simply struggle through the mud just to get it all done with.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not give to myself whatever I need internally to be able to support myself in the moment no matter what occurs at work.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge the word ‘work’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to associate work, with punishment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to associate work, with pain.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I must work, because I am bad and being punished.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to let my time at work be a miserable and horrid experience because I believe that it is what I deserve as life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I deserve to be punished and in pain through the act of working.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not conceive that work is not an evil in itself, but that I as a human being have tolerated it as something to be forced upon the innocent and unsuspecting.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am innocent, and that work is something that has been forced upon me as a punishment I wish no one should have to receive in the form of working for money under poor conditions just to live another day.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not accept the lesson that is being presented to me, that work is who I am, as my body works to live, so do I as working to collect money to feed and house myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel tired at work.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel tired as ‘I can’t do this today’, ‘this is too much for me right now’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not carry myself through work with dignity, as facing what has been created by humanity in person, and without hesitation.

I commit myself to do anything it takes within myself internally to do well at work, while still supporting myself to the fullness of my potential within whatever means of self support I can conceive of, to guarantee that not only do I do what is required while at work, but can also assist and support myself to stand for honor as what is here as my creation as life while still standing within self honesty and self forgiveness.

I commit myself to stop, breathe, and direct when and as I see myself feeling anxiety within myself as I think about work, as I realize that I must stand behind my self forgiveness and face the day without hesitation.

I commit myself to stop, breathe, and direct, when and as I see myself struggling at work, and instead, give to myself the means of support I have available within that moment no matter how radical, as I realize I must be able to both draw the line, and compromise as I have no means of self forgiveness within writing and speaking, I must push the bounds of how I am able to support myself in each moment within myself as each breathe I take.