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With my cigarette and entertainment blogs, I did not judge cigarette's or entertainment as being bad and something I will be punished for, but as something to take back to myself as seeing the influence it has had upon me.
So my current commitment for entertainment is not to demand I stop watching entertaining videos or playing video games, but to stop the desire to do so within breathe, and to realize in that moment of stopping reassert myself as what I might rather do reflecting my better interest as life.
And the fun part is seeing in those moments what decision I will make, it has self forgiveness, relevant commitment for myself, and gives me a moment in the acting out my breathing as stopping as commitment to not refrain from anything but make a decision not based on impulse.
Sleep, tired, exhausted, is a big impulse. Second to cigarette's as an impulse, or playing video games as an impulse.
Could I waste any more of mine, and anyone else's time here by committing myself to stop sleeping? It would not be a very self honest commitment.
I see how in this moment I wish I could commit myself to stop sleeping, because I can imagine all of the work and activities I could accomplish, and would not have to face waking up feeling tired even after a full night's sleep and fighting to get up.
But those things I realize here, are very relevant to my 'tired' relationship to going sleep.
I tried to get some good rest, I tried, but am still tired, I'm tied to being tired, I'd like to retire when I'm tired, and I tried to get some good rest, I wake up and have to re-wire, then all day I'm on fire, if only I had gotten some good sleep.
This a real challenge of self forgiveness and self commitment where I don't see in this moment what could I rationally, practically do to support myself within relationship to sleep.
I see I don't want to risk changing how much I sleep, because I would be risking waking up very, very not good, and then that affecting my whole day at work, making my whole day not good.
Yet, I cannot pin point a clean memory, where I had a really bad day just because I did not get good sleep, I can only consistently remember having rough times waking up, but once I'm up, I'm up, and any number of things is more likely to affect my wellness during the day, than sleep.
I've just dismantled a firm belief that a good night's sleep is required for a healthy, productive day, or at least couldn't find any good evidence backing it up in my personal experience.
What's left is the residual belief based in fear, and of the fear itself.
What I'd like to do here, is to allow me to make the decision to go to bed for and as myself, where if I did hit a breaking point where I really felt like I need to go to bed that's OK, but it's a point to investigate, the fear and impulse to go to sleep.
If I can do one thing here, I commit myself to investigate in self honesty how much sleep I am required of, so I can then act out the proceeding commitment with better capacity,
I commit myself to challenge how much sleep I need, so I can have more time to do activities/work.
With the idea here being that, regardless of the activity, time spent aware of my world awake is more likely to show me myself here, than I am to see within sleep.
To further support my commitment to being awake and seeing more of what is here, by more specifically managing and adjusting how much sleep I require to function in my day-to-day activities,
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go to sleep based on the impulse of feeling tired.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not give to myself a self honest dilleberate decision of when to go to bed, based on how much sleep I require in self honesty, and not based on mental influence as separation from what is here.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that if I do not get good sleep I will suffer all day.
There are some things I can bring up that might be a big part of my relationship to sleep.
The dreams I have, and the satisfying feeling of shutting down, being done for the day, nothing to worry about, time to just feel good.
Then the polarity of waking up feeling bad, realizing all my dreams will do nothing to support me for real, regardless of how fantastic and elaborate they always are.
The drain these two polarities and everything else and in-between is why I mentioned being outright willing to commit myself to stop sleeping if I could have done so in self honesty as a practical self commitment,
Yet, it is not self honest, because it would be me trying to avoid facing the sleep polarity,
So instead, I practically challenged my relationship to sleep, and committed myself to start better managing my sleep, and I began opening up the point in self forgiveness.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing myself as dreams if I were ever to stop sleeping.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to identify dreams as the heart and purpose of my life.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I will be discontent and dissatisfied with my life without dreams.
I realize now I'm not really satisfied within my dreams, in my dreams I'm in amazement, like, look at all there is to see, wow this is fantastic amazing.
My dreams are more a representation of the amazing system the body is while im asleep and not messing with it as conscienceness, assuming that my good dreams are a result of my mind trying to take advantage of the fantastic state my body must be in for my mind to be able to thrive and steal so much as circulating itself into pictures and expressions as dreams.
I commit myself to stop, breathe, and direct myself when and as I begin to feel 'tired'.
From here I reinforce the commitment to be directive and make sure I am the one deciding to sleep for and as myself not influenced by impulse, as feeling tired.
I am not going to be stopping myself from being tired, but could stop whatever conscience participation I have within relationship to being tired, allowing me to better decide for myself when it is bed time, not based on mind influence, as my mind being tired, where my body remains full as life.
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