Day 39- What do I Want?

I recently was talking to a friend whom is utilizing self forgiveness to support himself in regards to certain points he is struggling with in his life.

What I saw, was him taking self responsibility, doing what he needed to do to support himself in relationship to certain points that were damaging his life.

His goal was not outside of himself, his goal was to take his problems back to himself in self forgiveness, and in this way he had become more stable and supportive within his relationships.

He had no agenda, no plans to create a better world outside of himself, yet that is what he accomplished within himself, and it has shown through to the whole world.

It's all here, the world is within me, and so I might become consumed with fire, the fire to transform myself as one and equal to my world.

I thought of how the point is to take on my own world, myself, as one and equal.

I wondered how do you go about that?

I think you just decide.

I think you just take points back to yourself one at a time, as above so below, there's no ultimate point.

All points as equal, so I ask myself, what do I want? I can give to myself anything, as any point I'd like to change for myself in self honesty. And within this, couldn't I take a step back for a moment, and ask myself what I want within self honesty.

I want to be the change I'd like to see in the world, I'd like to be of this world. I'd like it if I gave myself as one as to all the gift of life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize there is only me, as I realize I am equal and one as one individual equal to all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I am responsible for the suffering of other's, as I realize I must first stand as stopping the suffering within myself before I can support another within myself as the same point.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the means of which life has been governed and controlled, as I realize I must stand as forgiving and re-directing the very ways of which I have governed and controlled myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give my life rule by spirituality, and the belief that everything happens for a reason, instead of realizing within myself how this belief has been given to reality from within myself, as I commit myself to discover the actual mechanics of reality, and how what I perpetuate within myself becomes my creation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe the world will always be in war with itself, instead of realizing myself as a stable being not participating in violence or aggression within or without myself in any way, and within that becoming the rock for myself of which I can carve out the message of peace as equality and self forgiveness, where life can be given honor.

Yet, in self honesty, could I not try to be a little more radical, a little more selfish, as I realize this outline of one and equal, as above so below, lends itself to all points equal, one at a time.

As I realize, selfish is to take life away, as a mind, as a system.

And so I commit myself to stand as life, as equality and integrity, as stopping all systems of inequality within myself as my mind, and I realize anything I give to myself as me supporting myself as life, is a gift to myself as a gift to life.

I want to sing.

I like to sing.

Yet I struggle to give myself that gift.

I have given away my voice as I have any other point to separation.

I was singing with my friend the other day, and what I saw was as above so below, how my mind had infiltrated my very voice.

Where just as reflected in my life as my day-to-day, I can see what I'd like to accomplish, but am not willing the face the path in self honesty, so seek out to circumvent, and within this never arrive where I meant to, because I did not follow the path, just as when I had left Desteni for 2 years in an attempt to short-cut my process, yet within this I realize the path is process, so to circumvent is to arrive no where.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear singing as an expression of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to sing as a reflection of my mind, as the desire to 'be more'.

More than myself, and what I find, is that I am then forced to face this point within myself, within others.

Am I more than you?

Am I more than life?

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as desiring to be more than I am as life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to be more as ego, as power both given and taken.

I realize this power of 'ego', is the competition of hate, as who can sell their lives to a greater degree of vanity, who can sell their soul as life to a greater greed or sin, who can despise life so much that they would see life end, who is so possessed by their mind of separation that they would launch the nuke, the 'nu-ke'.

The 'new-key' to life, has become total obliteration.

The key to life was here without time, but the new key, is a little red button on a panel which decides whether life should exist for another moment or not, or if one should be so possessed that he might hit the red button releasing the nuke as the most powerful weapon against life.

A new age of spirituality, and a new key to total destruction.

As above so below.

I commit myself to sing, to express, to forgive myself, to drive my life they way I'd like all life to be driving, while I am still here, as I realize there is no such thing as time, as time is what I give to myself.

And so I thank the nuke, as the 'new key' to life

I thank that there is a button that can be pressed, that can destroy all life on earth, if not lead to total chaos and collapse, so I might realize for myself time is given, and use the red button as a reference point, as I realize time is given to one and all equally, and someone with power of ego, might just decide the time for life is up.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give away my power of life out of fear of time, as I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I will run out of time to abuse life.

I commit myself to walk time, as real time, as a gift in each moment, as a gift to all that cannot be taken away as the real key.