Day 31 - Forcing Breathe as an Idea of Breathe

Whenever I talk to someone else about breathing in self awareness, or writing about it for myself, I always bring up how "you're always breathing", "I'm always breathing", and I like it because it speaks for itself in why I should be utilizing breathe, why everyone should.

And with me having the knowledge and understanding of breathing as self direction as self awareness as I have been introduced to through Desteni' research, I realize I should always be utilizing my breathe, and I have committed myself to do so.

Yet, I realize I am very often begin to fade away within my attention as self as breathe.

I realize I become Distracted within my mind.

I see things occurring within myself as distraction.

losing track of my pattern or rhythm within breathe, and either having to force myself to reassert myself, or then if I do not I go into a state of suspension.

I see this frustration, of giving up and going into this suspension as, 'I can't figure this breathing out right now', or on the other end of the polarity, 'I need to try harder and focus more on breathe'

So, when I am breathing, and suddenly a thought or something occur within me, or I just generally lose track of my pattern, I'm seeing how I've defined breathing within self awareness as the rigorous critical specifically thing, and I'm taking away that natural point of "I'm always breathing", so what I want to try and create and step closer to here is breathing in self awareness just as easily and naturally a breathe occurs when occurring on it's own without my direction.

I'm always trying to 'mix up' my breathe, how I apply it, how I'm using it to direct myself, and changing my idea of what the experience of me breathing is.

I understand while at work unavailable to write, if I were to lose my self awareness as breathe, it might be within my best interest to see how I could find another way to re-apply myself as breathe.

But, here and now, I have my writing to guide me as me guiding myself within self honesty and self forgiveness and self commitment to give to myself to understanding and realization of how to breathe simply, practically, and within my best interest as all of life as one and equal as self honesty, so that I will not have to go into these states of mind of trying to force myself to reapply as breathe, or just holding myself in suspension until I am in a place more conducive for self introspection such as my writing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hunt for the idea of what breathing as self awareness is, where I go into a state of viewing my breathing within self awareness as inadequate, and try to re-apply something else.

I realize that all I can do at this moment, for myself, is to try to always hold some kind of connection within myself as self awareness as breathe, no matter how 'right' or 'wrong' it is in my mind, or how closer or further from whatever solid alignment to self in each moment as breathe might actually be, I must try to always carry something, if wrong or right, just take it back to writing, back to self, and continue without judgement.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to pass judgement over my application of self awareness as breathe, where I view some things as being better representation's of self awareness as self direction as breathe than other's.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make it impossible to realize myself as self awareness within each breathe, because I have placed an immovable barrier in relationship to breathe as my mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make it impossible to realize myself within total self honesty as self direction as breathe in each breathe, because I have enforced the narrative of right and wrong, and good and evil surrounding and in relationship to self awareness as breathe.

This struggle within me is so hard to gain any traction whatsoever outside of writing as self honesty and self forgiveness and self commitment, because I'm not breathing in self honesty, I'm breathing as this system of god, of judgement, of right and wrong.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to turn my process into that of manipulation, where I must manipulate myself within each breathe to maintain my identity of self awareness and progress within my process as breathe.

If my capacity to breathe within self awareness as directing myself to stop participation within my mind is representative of my process of walking myself out of my mind as life to become that which is best for all life as one and equal in each breathe, then I am trying to twist every last bit of life out of myself before I might ever reach that point.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to construct this twisted concept of what breathing within self awareness as self direction is, to the point where I'm twisting up my body, and totally losing track of self in all ways.

If I can support myself to step back into the role I am meant for as life, than I give to myself one commitment to work on here, where I can expand and fall, and just give myself the time needed to walk breathe and process for real.

I commit myself to from this moment, maintain just one thing for and as myself within breathe, as I commit myself to maintain a connection to breathe in each moment, and when and as I am viewing this connection as right or wrong, I realize that this connection to breathe as consistent and constant is in self honesty the best thing I can give to myself as self support in each moment, so I stop, breathe, and direct myself to maintain this connection in each breathe without participating in the judgement of this way of breathing is 'right or wrong'.