Day 22- Redefining Purpose

"Porpoise"

Purpose, Desteni has been what I define as my purpose.

Yet, what has that meant for me? It's something I've held in my heart, what matters to me... Yet, I haven't devoted myself to daily writing in years, I haven't even been actively seeing what anyone else has been doing in a couple of years as well.

It was just something I held in my heart, not something I manifested to create a better world.

A better world for me has always been my own content, my own interests, my own desires.

If I have been holding Desteni in my heart, the writing, the agenda to create a better world system as reinventing the money system, the drive to become educated and more competent, I have done none of that for a very long time, yet that's what my purpose has been?

A shallow meaningless purpose, not lived, not real, just like an idea, I liked the idea of Desteni being my purpose, the same way a person will say, "I wish the world was a better place", for me, 'I wish I could embody the purpose that Destonians share'

The only other purpose I can recall, is a quick run in with spirituality, as my purpose is to be blissful and magnificent... Within the context of all the pictures and feelings I can create. A brief run-in, but how far down that rabbit hole might I have gone?

Those were the things I held in my heart as my 'greater purpose', neither really brought to fruition.

So how about, my purpose being how I chose to live? I chose to go to school, to hang with friends, to watch TV, to play video games, to work.

That's what my real purpose has been, the things I have actually done, not just what I have held in my heart.

If that's what makes me content, why change it?

Why am I about to re-define my purpose? Re-define the very word so I can change as the living word? Why? Why not keep everything as it is? A deep down feeling like all is not well with me? Because that's what other's are doing within Desteni so I might feel included? Because I want to make the world a better place?

I ask myself this question, and in my mind I think, 'it's death', I realize I will die, and what will I have lived for?

I realize I live in a bubble of a society, with amusement and alcohol to numb the truth. The truth of the world's pain, of my own pain, but I have not hidden death from myself, I realize I will die, and within that context I look at what I have been living for and as.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to have a purpose because I fear I will die having lived for naught.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to return to Desteni because 'I' realize I am running out of 'time' as I don't consider the greater role of my actions until I am motivated by fear of dying for nothing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realized that the purpose I have been creating as the living word is to define my purpose by what I see as best, but to act on the purpose of my self amusement and self happiness.

I commit myself to re-define myself as purpose, as what I strive for, as what I place my will into, as what I act on, as what I live for in every breathe.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create my living of the word 'purpose' into an excuse.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live the word 'purpose' as doing what I please, but defining who I am as what I believe is the best and greatest of 'purposes'.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not have challenged my creation within the word of purpose, where purpose always seemed to define just a few special activists who truly seemed to be dedicated to a cause.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to degrade the word purpose, because I had not found a cause that truly drove me to action, so defined purpose within my life as 'waiting for a purpose'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live out the word purpose as, waiting for action to call me, instead of calling myself to action.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to 'hold' purpose within my heart, instead of living it for real, as realizing my purpose I'd like to both give and receive, and live it, because it is what matters, because it is what I do.

I commit myself to call myself to action.

I commit myself to live the word purpose, redefined for me, as writing with Desteni, being a part of the Desteni community, sharing my perspective with others and listening to theirs, learning what is happening in the world, being critical of how I behave and spend my free time to make sure my actions are being aligned with my purpose's, to change myself within self forgiveness and self commitment so that I can be better aligned with the world as one and equal to myself to change the world as one and equal to myself, and to discover what I individually can contribute to the creation of an equal monetary system where all life is held with honor and all life can receive what is best for life.

I commit myself to realize purpose as ever expanding, as I learn more, as I improve.

I commit myself to realize purpose as not being an endpoint, but being 'the' point, the single point that I am driven by, that I move as, that is the living word, as the purpose I give to myself in each breathe within my own free will to choose what is best for myself and all beings together as one.

I commit myself to not fear that my actions are not aligned with my purpose, as I realize my actions are my purpose, as my actions are what I give to myself in each moment, so it is not to realign what my purpose is within the definition, but to realign my actions, and face the interference and resistance that I will be facing in regards to my new purpose I am giving to myself for myself as one with all life as equal, as the equal purpose of a better world for all.

I commit myself to no longer wait for a purpose, but realize my purpose within each breathe, as realizing the living of my commitment to Desteni, to changing for real, to being here with others and learning and sharing with them, and creating a system that includes all as one and equal as what is best for all as life.

I commit myself to live this purpose, as the living word, till death, as I use death not as an end point, but as a reference, a reference as YOLO, (A popular acronym representing the desire to live life to the fullest in sometimes radical ways, meaning, You Only Live Once)

What can I do with my time right now? Where should I take my life?... YOLO, I will make a better world for all of life as one and equal to myself, YOLO, I will write to improve my quality of life as one and equal to the quality of all living beings, YOLO, I will try to change the world using myself as a reference as stopping the influences over me, and reasserting myself in a way better for all life as one. YOLO, I do not know when death will arrive, but I will not take that as a reason to fall, but a reason to stand while I can.