Day- 16 A Radical Call to Breathe and Self Forgiveness

I have only one consistent and efficient means of self stability in each moment, and I need to be able to secure this means of self support within myself, as regardless of what happens or where I arrive in my life, my breathe is the only point that I can trust to rely on in each moment.

Yet, I do not allow myself to rely on breathe.

I react to something, and all of a sudden, I’m somewhere else again.

With all the points I’m running into every day, every minute, every few seconds, a clear and vivid points needing addresses through self forgiveness.

The other day, I tried to explore doing as much in terms of self forgiveness as possible, in writing, and in just speaking as I go about my day, as I realize that however not as organized and to the same level of specificity, I can still speak self forgiveness without writing as an option to explore and elaborate for myself as the living word.

I found that I could have just kept doing self forgiveness all day, speaking it for myself all day, and I did a lot for one day, and yet at the end of the day right before I went to bed, I felt like I had overloaded, I felt overwhelmed, like I had token on more than I can bare. It was not that the self forgiveness had any kind of charge weighing down on me, it was just everything else, everything you cannot address in a single day, everything that gets in between the cracks, and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to perceive myself as any better then any other being to ever exist, where, of course things will slip through the cracks, my whole existence is cracked.

For when I’m overwhelmed by everything that I cannot address within the time span of just a single day I commit myself to stop, breathe, and correct.

I commit myself to realize no matter what length I go to in terms of self forgiveness within a single day, without me standing here as breathe, something will break me.

I commit myself to live one and equal to the world as real time, where in real time, I cannot just sit and write out every single thing that needs address and then be done, I must live, work, eat, continue, and in these moments I need myself, I need me to give to me, my own breathe, my own birth right as breathe.

Yes I am in an ongoing process of writing out how I manipulated my breathe as a means of energy abuse and consumption within and as my mind’s energy systems.

But, I cannot let the fear of abusing my breathe, stand in the way of me having self awareness in breathe as much as I need it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not trust myself with my very own breathe.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to withhold my breathe from myself as breathing as self direction as self support within self honesty in each moment, because I fear losing my breathe through death, as addiction to energy as breathe manipulation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear what I cannot accomplish in breathe, and within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not trust myself as me making the decision for myself, to address whatever I cannot do in breathe within writing of self forgiveness as the break down of all that I cannot accomplish in one day as breathe.

I here and now, commit myself to breathe within self awareness as self honesty as self support, in each breathe, to find the points of corruption, and to face them within writing as self forgiveness, and I commit myself to face everything in-between without fear, as I fear that I might face something so devastating as my ego, as what I have allowed, and that I might die with knowing what I have done, without ever having the time needed to face this point.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear where I might fall, instead of standing up, where I can, as breathe, and self forgiveness.

I commit myself to stand one and equal, to breathe, and self forgiveness, as the only two things I know, and still only know so little of either, even if only, just a spark of hope, where I have seen what these tools can do, and know that just maybe, I might just change for real, as the only thing I can change in this world for real, as myself, as one and equal to all of life as one and equal to all of the physical.

I commit myself to know self forgiveness, and to know my own breathe as self awareness within breathe, the best that I can in each moment.