Day 172- Beating Myself Up Over Smoking Cigarettes

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to beat myself up over smoking cigarettes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame myself for not being consistent in if I'm going to quit smoking cigarettes or not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to turn smoking cigarettes into in all or nothing instead of just investigating my relationship to cigarettes in self honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to beat myself up in relationship to smoking cigarettes as if I'm attacking myself for being and creating problems in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to punish myself instead of just investigating what is really happening beneath the layer of blame and spite that I've put over the situation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame myself for having a negative experience of myself in relationship to smoking.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a positive experience of myself in relationship to smoking cigarettes.

My mind is going to many other places, I breathe in and breathe out, I focus on the task at hand, I can only handle one thing at a time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my confusion on cigarettes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to say within me if I could just stop smoking it would fix all my problems, then I realize going outside having a smoke and doing some writing would be nice and also help me address my problems.

I've never before seen how much guilt and regret and judgement and good and bad and doing the right thing affects me so much, so I channel that into this one point.

I understand see and realize the conflict within myself in relationship to doing what's best from the point of right and wrong and not from moving myself on principle.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my emotions get in the way of me writing about this point as efficiently as I can.

I'm not trying to accomplish something outside of myself, I'm trying to support myself where I've seen myself struggling and in pain.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to overshadow the conflict within me when I say within myself I don't care if it's right or wrong I'd just like a cigarette right now.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to act from the point of caring about if this is good or bad when i say I don't care, as in reality I do care that's why I have to supress myself in saying that I don't care.

So I'm not in the best state of mind to be addressing this specific point at the moment, so I see what can I scavenge here, and then move on.

When and as I see myself going into fear of cigarettes being bad for giving me a bad experience, I stop, I breathe, I realize the bad experience is coming from me not from the cigarette, thusly, I commit myself to not blame cigarettes for causing my problems, but instead breathe be here and in being here as breathe see and identify where the actual problem is coming form within myself as showing myself this is me that in experiencing not the cigarette because I'm not a cigarette I'm myself.