After writing out a lot of big point that have been moving me, I've been a little disorientated today, like now what?
I've lost the things which have given me all of my direction in my life, all the energy moving within me, and me directly participating with that, and trying to stop everything within me has been my direction in each breathe.
If I don't give myself some direction, I'm going to have no where to go but to fall back on my old habits internally, I've cleared the path now I need to make a change.
What's the word I can start living in each breathe, where instead of falling back on old habits I can give myself direction...
I was thinking the word fun, because I like to have fun, and I like to work and do my writing and I like for it to all be fun, to be enjoyable.
I like that word, but it's not exactly the best word I can come up with to give myself new direction in each breath.
I got it.
The points I've cleared up by doing some self forgiveness and self honesty I would put into the word occupied.
It makes me think about how I've spent my whole life needing to be occupied, but how I've become so self centered within external means of occupation, I can't push myself as hard, I can't apply myself as much, I need to find occupation from within, in my living, give myself that new direction.
I see that everything making up my experience is like detached moments, a collection of thoughts and experiences perceptions and anomalies making up a detached experience of myself.
I don't want to be detached from myself, only experiencing myself as if I'm looking in on myself through the lens of everything making up my mind, I want to start living the word occupation, I want to occupy each breathe, occupy my body, occupy each moment.
Stop occupying my mind, and start occupying reality.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only ever occupy my mind, because in looking through the lens of my mind, what else is there?
All I've ever had was the lens of my mind except probably since I was a little kid, or a baby, because I can't remember being a baby, so things were probably way different then they are now.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never fully occupy a moment, to be totally in a moment in my body in the experience of a moment unfiltered.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to base who I am as how I experience reality on the filter of my mind, instead of the unfiltered reality because I've been living occupation of feelings and experiences and thoughts and thinking.
All the effort in the world to change that fact, and it just comes down to me moving myself into it in living, and through writing and speaking my words is how I direct myself there, after clearing the path, as cleansing what I've created.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize I need cleansing before I can occupy a moment in breathe as the physical reality to be occupied here.
Looking back into my memories, I can't see anything within me in my memories that doesn't clearly require cleansing realignment, I've never been in a moment occupied here as my body in reality looking around occupied here unfiltered.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress how I'm unable to occupy myself here in each breathe with stimulants in entertainment, like saying this is all I'll ever be so I need something which assists me in occupying my mind, like TV.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize I'm just playing the role of my mind in each situation I encounter, I'm not able to direct myself in any moment, because I'm not occupied here, I'm preoccupied by my mind, ever since I can even remember.
I'm here in this room right now, I should be living as an occupant of this room, I should be occuping myself while occupying this room, but this room, and my own body, to my mind it doesn't matter, to my mind I'd rather be occupying a fantasy, a feeling, a thought, but I'm finding how draining that is to be off in imagination takes a lot of energy, but to be here, occupying my own body my own breathe is the most rewarding thing to ever exist, I commit myself to occupy my own body in each breathe, as living the word occupation.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dismiss myself and seek external stimuli and relationships to become preoccupied with, when I knew within me something is off, I'm missing the point, but I just didn't have the energy to bother, the world was too big, and I was afraid of taking a stand within myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear taking a stand within myself as occupying my own body, as a statement no matter what happens, no matter what happens to me, to you, no matter what, I'm here, I'm occupying myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe it's hard to occupy my own body when it's not hard, I just didn't learn and teach myself to occupy my body, I taught myself to occupy my mind out of fear of consequences and punishment, from my very first memory I can recall when I was in preschool I remember going into fear of consequences of my actions.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let occupying reality be too much for me to handle, and in that moment on from my very first memory, saying within myself I regret this, I wish I wasn't here, and thusly waiting for my life to come to a resolution.
I have my resolution now, and it is all or nothing, either I'm walking myself out of this mess day by day, and then sharing what I have to offer if I can ever see myself to such a point in my life, or I'm going to wither away and die with nothing to offer as my existence.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear occupying as being me as what I've created.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear occupying myself in my body in my life and facing the consequences of my actions of my existence.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not occupy myself in each breathe because I don't want to face the consequences of existence, and would rather wait in fear for the boogeyman to come knocking on my door.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not occupy myself in each breathe as living the word occupation through my being because I'd rather wait in my mind to die, regretting that I was brought into existence to begin with, because in my mind, the problems of the world are not equal to me, but here in occupying myself, all the problems in the entire world fall on my shoulders, and I must resolve them within myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize from my first memory right then and there my life needs to be a gift, I need to occupy total self responsibility for everything in existence as myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get so caught up in little moments in my mind, when to sit here and say the best life I can live is to take total self responsibility for everything as one and equal to me, and to thus live accordingly.
That's common sense, I should have been born with that seed in my heart, I should have known that from the beginning.
There's no thought, no question of what I can or can't accomplish in one life time, it's, this is what a great life would be, to occupy myself here on earth regardless of the horror and fear existing all around me and within me, but to just keep existing to keep occupying myself as a statement of life.
The passion the courage the realignment is all here to be occupied in living, living in my very being, occupying my being what makes me myself, not what makes me separate as my mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my life degrade by occupying my mind, because I believed if I die this will all be over, but I'm not occupying myself here, I'm alive, I'm physical, I'm life, when I die the way people are living now won't change, because I haven't changed, no one is changing.
Each one as equal must change, give themselves new direction, that includes me, that's my responsibility, and only I can give that to myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to over think within my mind and experience the reality of what is here must change, I'm here and will always as the physical be equal to what is here, so I must change the my utmost best potential in living.
There's no debate, there's no argument, I'm here, I'm physical, I'm life, I'm equal to all through the same source so what needs to be done here does not end at death, my death is not the death of all of life, just the death of one life, so dying isn't a way out of this situation.
I commit myself to realize dying is not a way out of this situation, so I should occupy every single painful miserable moment here on earth, to take the most I can within me to then forgive, because that's the best I can do as one and equal as life, no escape no excuse.
I don't even want to get into the consequences of death or equality or any of it, it doesn't matter, this is my direction, this is what's best for all of life as equal, and I am life so it's just a matter of principle there's nothing to think about.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not occupy myself as life in each breathe as my being expressed as me and not as me expressing my mind because I've allowed myself to give value to my mind instead of the principle of reality as life and equality.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I'm excused because I was born into this body and this reality and I didn't create this situation on earth, as I realize I know nothing, so stop being mindful, and start being here, centered, stable, grounded, occupying my own flesh and blood.
When and as I see myself occupying my mind, I stop, I breathe, I realize myself as able to take everything I need to think about address deal with or whatever here as occupying in living through my beingness able to resolve my problems and conflicts and everything here, thusly, I commit myself to investigate how I can take on everything within my mind and move it into practical living through my beingness through the physical here in each breathe as living the word occupation.
Being a living breathing principled human being is my occupation here on earth, what I spend my time occupied on, what occupies me and my action, who I am as life as living the word occupied.
Occupied; the space and actions which I take up within my existence.
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