Day 189- Controlling Wandering

My mind my conscience left to it's own device just wanders.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not guide myself back when I wander off within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my wandering be seen to it's completion when I'd rather just abruptly cut myself off and say come back.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define wandering off as a perfect moment.

Why would I interrupt a perfect moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to cut off the picture perfect moment of being relaxed and letting my mind wander off as I realize the moment of wondering off is just an escape and I'm better then that.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to humor my mind as myself trying to escape through wondering, as seeking a path to freedom to enlightenment in letting my mind wander.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give myself the responsibility of having a child where I cannot just lay back and relax I have to stay alert and watch my mind wander around until it figures out whatever I'm trying to figure out in that mental ride of wondering and wandering  off in day dreaming and dazing off.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be able to just let loose as the physical and not have to pay attention to my my mind's wondering as having to give weight to my own wonder.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give weight and authority to the things I wonder about, as I realize I start to wonder when i have a chance to live in wonder.

When I'm out in nature for example and I actually get the chance to live in nature and be there and make an actual wonderful moment out of it, but instead I shut down and start to wonder and wander within myself, like I'm afraid, because I am afraid.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to live out the great wonders of my dreams and of my mind as I realize I can live them out as one and equal as the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be spiteful for not being  able to live out my dreams and my wonders just exactly as I'd like to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my idea in my imagination as exactly how I'd like to live out my dreams.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself by deliberately letting myself blur the lines between dreams and reality so that I can live closet and closer to my dreams by pushing myself further away from what's here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not have the courage to apply my dreams to living and test them to see what they really are.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make a big moment out of wandering off into my dreams as if that's the moment I become completely here, when it's the moment I become completely asleep.

There's plenty of resistance in relationship to wandering off and going into day dreams and wonder, but I realize where I need to take my stand, and I realize what the best thing for me is, so in directing myself accordingly the resistance and emotion can all come out in time, and then be addressed in self forgiveness.

When and as I see myself letting myself wander because I want to see my dreams and wonders through, I stop, I breathe, I realize what's best and I realize the direction I will take, thusly, I commit myself to in each breathe not fight with my mind trying to wander and day dream, as I realize no matter how far out it goes, no matter what it brings back, I know where I stand because I know what's best for life in standing as the physical and equality and that I can face whatever my mind brings up in self forgiveness.

So then my mind when I go into wondering and wandering and day dreaming I'll be able to just stand in breathe and awareness and my mind will still be wandering because that would take a while to address, but instead at least of being my child I have to constantly be on edge about, it could be more like a cat and be independent and able to fend for itself while I focus on breathing and being here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to strain myself to stop my mind when it wanders.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to implement force of mind to control my mind instead of force of self as self movement through self forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to squeeze the physical right between my eyes when my mind wanders like I'm trying to cage my mind, like I'm trying to cage my third eye.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to concern myself with my mind wandering off so much instead of just focusing on breathing and doing what can here and leaving that part of my mind to deal with directly in self forgiveness, letting it explore and then having points to work on when it returns.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my responsibility as taking order and control over my mind whenever it starts to wonder about.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not let letting go be an option, when I'm clearly struggling and clearly in conflict why not just retreat and focus on what matters.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to act and breathe and move myself as if controlling my mind matters when it's not a natural self movement through self forgiveness and correction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive myself as doing anything other then holding back something that does not require me to hold it back because it's not in my jurisdiction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in each breathe focus on my mind instead of focusing on the physical as learning breathe and physical awareness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to strain myself to the point that I cannot unstrain my eyes without forgiving myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry that it's like I've found another problem I need to deal with, as I realize it's been there regardless so it's for the best that I bring awareness to it.

The idea here is when my mind wanders to stand ad self movement as not participating with the wandering through self forgiveness, not to mentally try to stop it just creating more strain on myself fighting fire with fire.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fight fire with fire when dealing with my mind wandering off as I try to stop it and create a ton of painful stress and pressure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into fear when my mind wanders off like I need to stop it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become a control freak instead of just taking what I can back to myself as standing in self movement and expression, and not freaking out over what I cannot yet take back to myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to panic ever time I see my mind wandering of and not being able to breathe and just take myself back to myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to let go of my controlling
of my mind's wandering because I don't want to lose all my progress.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my emotional relationship to progress get in the way of me not seeing where I'm not actually making any progress and am just inhibiting the things within me that need to be resolved so I can take them to self forgiveness.

I can see the strain right in my eyes, I can feel myself quenching my eyes and then I pop over to this state of control and authority.

I can see this sucks, I know what to do when things suck,

When and as I see myself physically straining to control my mind from wandering, I stop, I breathe, I realize my control is making things worse because if u could move myself to stop I wouldn't need to strain and stress and lose my cool, thusly, I commit myself not try to stop my mind from wandering off if it's not self movement as me moving myself to stop participation in wandering off as I realize I can tell the difference so then trust myself to make that identification.