Day 179- Over Active Mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take everything zooming and booming within my mind and apply it within myself as the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my overactive mind go to waste in not applying it to support the physical living.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not bother applying my mind because I don't know how to apply my mind here in my living through myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize myself as a creator as being able to simply create and manifest within my sphere of influence where if I see my mind running around being crazy and not accomplishing anything with all of it's energy and potential I realize as a creator I can take that potential and give it direction in living.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to produce so much energy and so much consciences and so much mind activity yet not utilize any of it to support myself within my living, hence to not support life as one and equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my mind run around in separation as all these feelings and movements and images and colors instead of taking it to the flesh and to living to be applied as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into the illusion of freedom growing up that I'm free to let my mind roam and to not direct it and channel it into myself as my living because my freedom as an American was to do whatever I wanted.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to build stress within my body where my mind is racing and I physically cannot keep up with everything it's producing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to produce within my mind more than I can keep up with and direct as myself within the physical.

I could have a thought, I'm going to go to the park, and then go to the park, and that's keeping up with my mind, but instead it's unpractical irrelevant thoughts and emotions and feelings all going 100 miles an hour.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take all of the potential I have within my mind and channel it into my living into the physical as standing one and equal to all the potential I have within my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to stand one and equal to my mind because I define standing as one and equal as the physical to be limited, because to create more then what is here I've defined as special, as better, I realize, what if it's in fact just an illusion, a sickness, a symptom of my madness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to stand as one and equal to all the potential within my mind as the physical because I have a bias that tells me that dreaming and imagination and emotions and feelings are better then the physical.

But I look at myself and who I am here as this moment, even after all I've done in working towards improving, do I really at this point not realize within myself that what's being produced in the mind currently is an illusion and is dangerous.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my bias affect me on an emotional level of influence when I can clearly see for real beyond my bias so I need to forgive and let go.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to program the bias of dreams over physical reality so that I would not be able to reason with myself but just go immidetely into an emotional reaction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in each moment with this dormant program waiting constantly as the potential to emotionally influence me if I ever challenged my mind as being incorrect within it's current program.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize in looking back into my memories I can see where I've been misguide and can forgive my programming so there's no reason to continue letting all these programs of limitation keep running up space within me.

My overactive mind is busy running programs that I've deemed more valuable then standing one and equal as the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge any program being run within my mind as being beyond standing one and equal to the physical, as I realize I'm going to find out if my mind and it's programs are standing one and equal as the physical eventually, so I'd rather find out now then later.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe there is anything I can get away with within my mind as not standing one and equal to the physical, as I realize I can get away with plenty of things for a little while, but then the consequences only grow more severe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to obsess over for example my dreams and how pretty they are, but then ignore how I wake up feeling horrible, showing me how I focus in on the good, and not the bad, which becomes my bias for not standing one and equal as the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take my over active mind back to myself within my living because I've created a bias of only looking at the good I view within my mind and letting myself emotionally be influenced by that without seeing equally the bad as a reason to take the good and the bad back to myself in my living.

When and as I see my mind as energy and perception and conciseness being overactive, I stop, I breathe, I realize there's no good reason my mind should be overactive yet not being here as myself as utilizing my mind to support life, thusly, I commit myself to take my mind back to the physical in living when I see it running crazy as I realize that I'm being fooled, and toyed with to be letting my mind run a muck without utilizing and bringing my mind into living as myself.

With how active my mind is, sometimes I have to put in extra effort, or a lot of effort, to just be here breathing living and expressing to the best of my ability, sometimes it's much simpler and doesn't require much from me directly, but I need to find a better balance between what occurs naturally and when I need to put in direct deliberate effort into directing myself within my living.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to find an amount of effort I need to put into each moment of my existence and just be able to settle for that for the rest of time, which in looking at it in introspection and self honesty is ridiculous, I should just be trying to form a natural more smoothed amount of balance between what comes naturally like my heart beat, or breathing, or my eyes blinking, and what requires more effort like making plans and then doing my plans or directing certain things within myself that require immidete attention.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to find a perfect groove within each breathe so I can just zone out within my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to find a groove of effort to put into each breathe and each moment I'm here having to exist so I can just be at peace and zone out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spend so much effort trying to find the perfect amount of effort to become a groovy zen master within myself, when I realize there's no perfect spot to get into a perfect groove and just stay there life is crazy and unpredictable on earth and requires me to change and adapt and be alert, so become groovy isn't so simple.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold being zened out and chilled out constantly as being my highest point of existence within me as I realize it wouldn't be my highest point of existence, but it could be my most supportive form of existence.

What about being zen and chilled out constantly represent to me?

It's like being able to detach, to just do what needs to be done and to fully and excessively enjoy the task at hand.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize myself as from my being being able to direct how much energy is required of me to directly or naturally address taking back and standing within relationship to everything within me at any given moment.

Where I can see where being zen and chilled out can be applied in living where you just do what needs to be done, and enjoy it, it's just a matter of what it takes to apply myself in each moment, how much energy it takes in each moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek for a balance point of being chilled out and zen outside of myself as realizing and creating that balance for and as and within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that being chilled out in practical living as one and equal to the physical is something I have to realize and define for myself through and as my being.

When and as I see myself struggling to balance how much energy as how much direct effort I must put into each moment with everything included in each moment, I stop, I breathe, I realize that there is no finite definition of how much effort direct or natural
that needs to be applied in each moment and that it is for me as a being to sculpt and direct that balance into something that will stand one and equal to the physical to do what needs to be done and sometimes I realize that means you need to just chill out so, thusly, I commit myself to realize the balance needed to be chilled out within my living application in each breathe.