Day 183- Process of Improvement

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give myself the ability to release whatever I need to be releasing in self forgiveness.

I forgive myseld that i have accepted and allowed myself to go into desperation in reaction to not being able to convince of something to write out in self forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold myself hostage in my mind not allowing something to come through into self forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spiral tons of diffrent things to write out in my head but dismiss them all as being not that one special enlightening point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek a point that will allow me to transcend my living day to day into the being I'd like to be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pry into my mind not seeking self honesty but something I can take and apply to move myself better in my day to day living.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold my day to day moment to moment functioning and capacity over anything else.

All I want is to master my day to day moment to moment breathe by breathe living.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry that ever day is a fight.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry that the journey to self perfection is so excruciating.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry that I have no choice but to keep going.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid that I'm not getting enough done in my writing to change myself.

I forgive myseld that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire to give up because if i can't atleast perfect my breathe by breathe day by day living then I cannot do anything.

I've been trying to pick apart all these different things moving and diffrent points and trying to figure out how to move myself in each moment to be the best I can.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear fighting against the current.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the moments I sit down to write self forgiveness won't suffice against everything that I build up in a single day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that nothing I do will matter.

So when I sit down and I'm trying to improve my day to day living  again, like every other day, I respond to the thought of what does it matter?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself to only trying to improve my day to day living.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to forget that no matter what point I open up within myself for self forgiveness it will improve my day to day living as taking me another step towards living  and creating the life I need to become.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to steer my self forgiveness to completely be focused on my day to day living and improvement instead of letting it roll out natrually.

When and as I see myself obsessing over improving myself, I stop, I breathe, I realize what will obsessing help? Thusly, I commit myself to in each breathe not concern myself with imporving entirely as my central point, but to instead begin expanding.

Why expand instead of improve my life in each moment?

Why have I made improvement so important to me?

What's wrong with me that needs such endless improvement?

Why I have judged myself as needing such relentless improvement in each breathe.

What about how self honest can I be?

How well i can listen?

How patient can I be?

How well can I work and cooperate with my body?

How have I in focusing entirely on the point of improving my day to day living and to guarantee tomrrow is better then today have I actually been setting myself back.

How have I limited my capacity to expand by only citing my day to day breathe by breathe living as being what matters.

What else matters?

Can I make tomrrow worse?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making tomrrow worse for myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to settle for, 'As long as tomrrow is better then today then nothing else matters'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing why I view myself as needing so much improvement constantly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define improvement as making each day better and better for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider what I'm doing in my writing and what it means and represent because all that matters is that it improves me one way or another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not alleviate instead of improve.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not relax instead of improve.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be stable instead of improved.

I've hit a dead end in trying to constantly improve my day.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not have fun instead of trying to improve.

I forgive myseld that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be smooth instead of trying to improve my day to day.

I forgive myseld that i have accepted and allowed myself to only focus on the improving part of self perfection.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to limit what self improvement means.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only be driven by self improvement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not expand my driving force.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize enjoying as self improvement.

What's my current self improvement?

Be more focused, be more precise, be stronger, be more efficient, be more silent, be more powerful, be more direct.

I want to stop the process I've been waking, I want to walk a different process now.

I want to just enjoy, I want to walk the path of enjoyment for a while, I don't want to improve anything, I just want to enjoy what I have on my hands.

I forgive myseld that i have accepted and allowed myself to define my process by clutching to an idea and forcing it through to the end.

I forgive myself rhat I have accepted and allowed myself to not see my process from a grander scale of self revelation and freedom.

I forgive myseld that i have accepted and allowed myself to need something to drive and force into my living.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to need my process and to be infallible and unquestionable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the path I've been trying to walk as not being perfect.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not finding anymore strength in perfection.

When and as I see myself trying to clutch and drive myself to perfection as improvement, I stop, I breathe, I realize the point of improvement has become a pint of obsession, thusly, I commit myself to in each breathe seek to do anything but improve to give myself some distance from all the constant improving so I can see it for what it is.