Day 187- Return to Drawing Board; Facing Inner Sea

Returning to yesterday's point of the inner sea/wind as the energetic strings and movements I experience within my mind in each breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being competent enough to stop the energy movement inside of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to take the energy moving within me to a complete stop.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wish I could put more effort into stopping this energy without addressing it in self forgiveness more.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to put in end to this movement experience within me more when I'm willing to actually write it out in self forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put energy into stopping this energy in essence just fueling it further because I'm not actually stopping it.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to compromise bringing this point to a complete stop within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to force this point out with mental effort where I realize by the time I'm trying to mentally wrap my mind around a way to auto this point I'm just thinking and will have to take it to self forgiveness again.

So I'm back at the chalk board again, and I'd say taking everything into consideration I did very well in regards to this point in my living application today, but I definitely found myself in several situations where I didn't know what to do about it, I didn't know where to stand, I had to think it, and even some moments where I felt like I've accomplished nothing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to harbor doubt in how I will act in relationship to this point coming up as the energy moving within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to harbor doubt when I can't afford to have any doubt in relationship to this point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have doubts because I'm not sure how in my living I will stop this point, as I realize in my living I don't need to do anything, as I'll script everything out from here so my living will reflect my self forgiveness and don't need to have any positive faith or negative doubt.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear the moments when this point hits me in a way I cannot deal with as I realize I'm creating more moments I can deal with this point then moments of which i cannot.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define a few moments in feeling as if I've lost define how I'm dealing with this point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my relationship to this point as all or nothing win or lose instead of a walking process, because I feel more powerful in being able to just annihilate this point then admit it's something very intricate and deeply seated within me and will take time even after many weeks potentially.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give into desperation in facing how I may need to spend weeks diving into this point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my personality weaken me by rushing to get this point dine and in rushing inhibit me from studying and paying closer attention to this point and how my relationship to it is changing.

So, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that this point is beyond beyond written out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear this point is a metaphysical battle when it is only because I've over complicated things in not just relying on self movement in self forgiveness to have begun with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe there must be a fight between me and this energy moving within myself when what's more likely to happen is it just fading away on it's own and me not having to directly do very much except my self forgiveness and correction.

I forgive myself
that i have accepted and allowed myself to not realize if I'm fighting with this point there's conflict and where there's mental conflict all that remains is taking note and returning to self forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to turn my relationship to this point into a grand battle because I imagine a grand metaphysical battle as being moving enough to move me into stopping this point as standing one and equal to the energy within me .

When and as I see myself going into conflict in relationship to this point I stop, I breathe, I realize I do not need I go into conflict with this point whatever I can stop I will, but whatever leads to conflict requires me to return to self forgiveness, thusly, I commit myself to stop what I can stop directly with however much effort required by me as moving myself to stand equal to this point, and I commit myself to let go when conflict arises as I realize there's nothing I can do at that point except return to self forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be so consumed by this point of energy moving within me that I feel like there is no way to specify the overwhelming nature of it existing in each breathe without any direct reaction or trigger point or any reference of where it could possibly be coming from except my own mind and consceiencess.

When people say 'expand your mind', that's a very good description, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expand my mind even though i'm not capable of standing one and equal to my mind thus creating what I have now as something I cannot control or direct or stand for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create my mind to be stronger so I can force my will onto myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not once have considered that I'd ever have to face the day where I have to stand against my own consceincess.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there is anything I've created within my mind that I cannot face and deconstruct in my self forgiveness and correction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare the self forgiveness process to the process of creating this energy movement point within me as I realize the creation of this point and the deconstruction and forgiveness of this point and correction are equal but not comparable in the way I'm trying to compare out of fear of not having the time strength and fortitude to address this point in writing.

When and as I see myself fearing this point is beyond change in self forgiveness, I stop, I breathe, I realize that what I've created through consciences cannot stand against what I plan to create and reassert as myself in self forgiveness and living statements of correction, thusly, I commit myself to focus on what I can do to support myself when this point feels to big to deal with as I realize all I need to do is get myself to the next moment which I can sit down and write this point out and that's all the fight that there needs to be.