Day 186- Conscience Energy Intruder

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consciously participate with the energy moving with myself instead of with directing myself on a more physical level.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consciously direct myself to be moved by the energy moving within me instead of moving myself to stop participation because I'm more comfortable with being moved then moving myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let comfort get influence me to not put the most effort I can in each breathe to stop participation with this energy moving within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take my consciences to a level of more awareness of the physical where that is then my change brought forth after my forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not create my progress and my self movement the best I can by giving myself the opportunity to stop participation with this energy movement within myself and give myself the chance to instead move myself as awareness within breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear getting the semantics wrong of how or what I'll do when I see the energy moving within myself and what to do in that moment, as I realize in that moment if what needs to be done is not instantly moved by me without thought or question or conscience input then I'm still holding back.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not assert myself when I see the energy moving inside of me, where I'm just settling for not being capable, or not giving myself the resource.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tolerate excuses for myself to not simply move myself and take action in the moment of seeing myself being moved by the energy which I've been struggling with in each breathe for years.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the only way to stop this energy movement as being within breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself to working with this point within breathe instead of taking on even more parts and elements of myself capable of stopping this point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let an inadequate part of my mind run myself in each breathe instead of taking the charge within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself by the pattern of which the energy moves within me in each breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take on the better patterns more physically supportive as my direction in awareness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my awareness drift into this energy movement instead of taking my awareness to a more physical level.

When and as I see this energy moving within me, I stop, I breathe, I realize I'm capable of taking on this energy within myself as stopping it and moving this energy to awareness as the physical, thusly, I commit myself to take this conscience energy movement and direct it to physical awareness whenever I see it coming up within myself.

I close my eyes and I can see it.

Instead of the energy just running wild and losing control I close my eyes and I can see it moving to physical awareness.

This could be a major keystone to resolving this energy movement which I've been dealing with for many years and striking a brand new path for me in my life which would be right on time with school coming up pretty soon.

I want to make another push.

I want something more solidified something more all encompassing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my relationship to this energy movement being all or nothing, where I'm afraid of not being able to take half measures and truly putting everything I have into stopping this movement and taking it to a physical direction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear implementing and living something that won't fade away in time as the mind but will stand as who I am and what I'm living within my body until death.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear standing against this point of separation within me until the grave.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to let my life go on the way it is now when I can see how integral facing this point is in relationship to my development as a human being.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let myself believe even a single strand of this energy movement string within me can escape me as the physical self moving itself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe there will always bee loose ends because I fear actually making this move and taking it to the grave as I realize there cannot be any compromise in relationship to this constant energy movement within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my body be paralyzed
with fear as I allow myself to be paralyzed with fear in taking a stand against this conscience intruder.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear how exhausting putting myself truly into stopping and moving this point to a physical equal living level will be.

As I realize how exhausted I am to begin with in each moment in each day, I have nothing left to lose in terms of exhaustion, I'm just being lazy and fearful.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be lazy and fearful in relationship to this point because I still fear the consequences of conflict I could face in taking on this point in a fuller more powerful way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lie to myself in relationship to fearing the consequences as I realize the consequences would be nothing but good for me from start to finish if not for some very minor rough patches which is no more then what I'm going through right now trying to push myself harder here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be self honest about how I have nothing to lose but everything to gain in facing this point, because of my personality of not really caring one way or another, because I just don't care about if I could support myself as life more so or not in relationship to this point, I don't care either way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let caring get in the way of my common sense and self drive as a human being when I don't care if I do or don't care, this is what I'm doing, this is a statement I'm making that goes beyond personality or preference as caring.

When and as I see this energy coming up within me and me not putting my everything into stopping it, I stop, I breathe, I realize all the reasons I can come up with to not put myself totally in each breathe in each moment into taking this energy moving within me back to a physical level is irrelevant completely, thusly, I commit myself to take my realization of all opposition as being irrelevant into practice by putting myself all or nothing into each breathe in relationship to bringing this point back to the physical, as I realize within my all or nothing approach when I see this energy still moving within me i know there's an element that I've not come to self honest terms yet.

Still need to keep pushing, but extraordinary progress from what I can see so far.