I have my life exactly where I want it, I just have to 'hold it together'.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try to hold everything together energetically.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be nervous that I will lose everything I've worked for in my life.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try to influence my choices and decisions as holding myself within nervousness to 'not loose my cool', when this doesn't represent me maintaining my responsibilities or obligations in life, it only holds me in suspension, to hold onto where I'm at within myself, and to not let go of where I am within myself.
It's a jnyx
Everything is just right, then I start to get nervous, I start making problems in my head, like this isn't quite right, and what if this happens, or this doesn't work out.
I was just saying yesterday that if everything is right, then everything is wrong.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to everything being perfect with nervousness that I will not be able to hold everything together the way it is in my life.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create self manifested problems in my mind, where I'm trying to find what else is wrong to fix within myself.
I know what to do, just breathe through whatever is going on within myself, breathe when nothing is going on within myself, just keep breathing, then write out the resistance and issues that come up.
It's an undercurrent of nervousness, that I cannot pin down, like something wrong, but I don't think I'm tapping into some problem outside of myself, I think it must be something I'm holding onto.
I had a bad time waking up this morning because I feel asleep on the couch and that throws me off when I do that
It certainly must be contributing.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be nervous and off kilter today within how I feel as nervous and shaky within my nervous system because I did not wake up in a quenching satisfied manner.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be nervous that I will never get things quite right within myself.
They call doing Molly/ecstacy 'rolling'
It's like I was on a roll, I had things going well, and I wanted to just keep the ball going, to stay 'high', as having everything in my life just right.
Like I defined how I felt when everything was going right as my new status que, to never have to fall below that ever again.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make things more difficult for myself by destroying all the momentuntum I've built up through nervousness.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to justify nervousness, when just like fear or confusion or anger, it just seems like another shallow use of emotuon/feeling energy, a low to the high.
If I see that it would be supportive for me to keep the ball rolling for myself, why do I shut myself down within nervousness?
Looking at the other end, when things are uplifting, like I'm going to make it, things are going to start going my way.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to enforce the idea that my life will begin to improve like I have broken the seal to happiness, with positive feelings, as positive reinforcement, then when I start coming down, I feel nervousness, instead of seeing how this was manifested, I think there's something wrong that needs fixing to realign myself into the feeling of everything going my way.
The one cool thing here, is that I'm not saying it's something outside of myself, I'm realizing that I am the one creating my own success within myself.
I'm seeing that it's not the stars being misaligned it's me within myself being misaligned.
What can I look to in my life to support me addressing what's going on.
When I was the most into things like spirituality or conspiracy on the internet, it was like one second it's some Ekheart Tolle type video, and my purpose on eath is just to be happy, so I'm happy, then the next moment I'm watching Alex Jones, and America is on the brink of collapse and I'm terrified.
If I don't pay attention to either, it's like life just goes on regardless.
Perception, one minute things are a certain way, and then they aren't all from how I percieve things to be.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to manipulate as to sway the vote or consensus on how I am and where I am in my life, based on how well I percieve myself to be doing, based on how I wish I was doing.
I commit myself to stop, breathe when and as I see myself manipulating how I expierence reality based on if I percieve things as going a certain way for me, as in this moment allowing myself to see with more clarity, to breathe move and live with a better perception of who I am and where I am and what is going on.
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