Day 116- Bravado

I was watching the new trend of the running man dance videos, and I thought, that is a smooth dance.

So I wanted to watch a video of another dance within a music video that it reminded me of.

I'm watching this guy dance, and the music, and it just embodied the co
ol smooth bravado and demener which I'd like to imagine can carry you through your entire life.

Something I can't even put into words, except for smooth, cool, and bravado.

And dancing and music.

I'm thinking, look how cool this guy is dancing in this music video, if I could dance like that, if I could embody that soul.

Jive is another word that comes to mind, to be hip.

Suave.

The point is, you can't just dance and sing your way through life, so to embody that special something in each movement, in each moment of expression, is something to live as the word, to express in each moment.

So you have to say 'I want to have that in each moment of my life', not to say 'if only I could dance and sing like him I would have that special something to get me through life'

I would just call it bravado.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create separation within what I see within the dancing and singing within this video as believing that I must be this person and be doing this dance and song routine to possess the soul that I am interpreting.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that what I see and realize through looking at how this person acts and moves, as there bravado, is equal to me, as I'm realizing it, as I am seeing it through and as myself.

So I already possess this bravado, but I'm not the person I saw it reflected through.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I have to be dancing and singing to be able to express myself through my movement and action and pure expression as bravado.

I don't even know what it means, it's like how you can just look at someone and see how they navigate through life, their soul.

Like soul music, and being jive, something you feel, and understand, but can't communicate, or explain, something deep within movement and action.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress my soul of bravado, through contributing soul and bravado onto other's as who they are, separate from being who I am.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not live and express my bravado because I don't think I can stand against other's.

This is the dictionary definition of bravado that I found.

'a bold manner or a show of boldness intended to impress or intimidate'

A little bit stronger than what I'm trying to get through, but still relevant.

Relevant because, why did I stand down, and not express myself, be myself, go where I was trying to go?

I didn't think I could stand up to the people around me, I was afraid of the pitfalls, even though I knew there was nothing to fear for real.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear expressing myself when I know that there is no real reason to fear, and only something to gain.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel embarrassed when I express myself a certain way and don't get the response I had hoped for.

SO that's the point, to impress, I'll express, if I can impress.

Linear.

Don't dress to impress, dress to express.

It's part of life,

I want to forgive myself, I want to become someone who is worth their salt, and can support other's all done for real, in real time, without separation.

But that's not where I'm at, there's a long path, I want it to be a smooth path, I want to enjoy the ride, I want to express myself, to be and express my bravado, to not just move, but to be moving, to be in motion, to create in each moment.

There's a big dilemma when I believe that self expression only exist in dancing.

That song by the Killers has the lyrics, "are we human, or are we dancer?"

I've separated myself from my soul, my movement, my expression, I'm missing all the moments I have to express myself to the fullest, because I have reached a point where I only see expression outside of myself to the degree I would like to poses.

I can see what happened in my past in suppression, and behavior, and agenda and all kinds of things over time, but I cannot put it into words.

For right now, all I can articulate is that, you do not have to be dancing to be able to 'be a dancer'

Are we human, or are we dancer?

To express, to create, to be infinity, is in each moment, not just in dancing.

That's the first step, to taking back my creative thunder, my reign, my self expression.

A small, but satisfying step.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accept that this person is what I see in them, and I am not what I see in them, through comparison as judgement, as being cool.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to stand for less then what I want for myself as my expression, because I don't believe I am cool enough.

So who is cool enough?

Jesus Christ on roller blades.

A commander of people, a messiah, someone without doubt, without question, someone who leads the masses, and roller blades because that's smooth, they say Jesus Christ walked on water, how smooth is that? He didn't need roller blades to begin with.

Not cool enough, because It's not cool, to be cool alone, other people have to know.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to pend my self expression on the recognition of other's.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being cool and expressing myself to my fullest desire and potential without it being recognized.

The flaw there is that, if my fullest expression needs to be recognized, my fullest expression is to be recognized.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to need recognition outside of myself, where I could have made things simpler and more effective by simply giving myself the recognition required, the ignition, the trigger, to see and to conquer.

I came, I saw, I conquered.

veni, vidi, vici.

That's some bravado. I came, I saw, I conquered.

I commit myself to stop, breathe, when and as I see myself being limited to requiring to sing or to dance in order to be able to express and create myself to my fullest desire and intent, as I realize that the value I'm placing on dancing and singing, is a program that I've created, as a means of isolating expression, as apposed to fulfilling and expressing expressions, so to express my bravado my soul, I need to stop seeing it as separate from who I am in each breathe, in any situation dancing or not dancing.