Day 123- The Endless Frontier

The once a day journey to life writing works because I don't have to feel like writing, I don't have to want to write.

In this moment I have nothing.

No dreams, no hopes, just the faintest desires and fears.

Here is the platform, and my design is already in motion.

Self forgiveness is the only structure from which I can move myself from this place.

I'm content.

In this moment.

All that is required is action, to change the relationships and take action.

I have to change my relationship to sleep, because that's how dreams influence me.

As I'm drifting off to sleep I have visions.

In my sleep I have dreams.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place unearthly value on dreams and visions because I can't describe them in words.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as so intelligent that anything I can't place into words has superior value.

Some things in my mind I can't describe I can't explain, just like dreams, I cannot describe the depth and the meaning that I experience.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place that which I cannot describe or articulate as above me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define what I do not understand as holding power over me.

To be in awe, to be speechless.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give more power to anything than what is in front of me, in a single breathe.

I can be in awe staring at the stars, yet not be here breathing seeing the stars, the input is a reflection of my mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define some things as above other things.

Through the lens of the mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create my mind as an over bearing presence in all ways and in all facets as all relationships to all things that exist, and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not have created a mind that can be directly utilized to act and formulate the words that I lose in my awe of the mind.

To have no words, to have my breathe taken away in awe, in shock.

That's not how I should have designed myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not give myself access to the words required of me when I'm at a loss for words, as giving my word as my soul away to the mind, only to be returned to me in decreasing value.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to degrade my self worth and my self value through my mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create separation as dreams as imagination, where I create through my mind that which I allow to be awe inspiring through bewilderment and separation, because I'm looking through the lens of creation separate from reality.

I had a dream last night, and all day periodically I think about it, I directly give into it, and give into wonder and awe, at what I created in separation, irrelevant, I didn't participate in that creation, it represents the power I've given to separation.

I call it a beautiful work of art.

I can slip away into imagination at any moment, I can create the idea that my imagination is real, it's scary to face that, I justify my imagination as possibly being real, possibly having some kind of basis in some kind of reality, when it has become my downfall.

There's no philosophy, the sophistry of philosophy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to justify my dreams and my relationship to them as giving them awe and purpose and superiority over my reality, because I fear letting go of the beauty and empowerment I perceive within them.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to perceive beauty within my dreams
.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see my dreams for what they really are.

As if I didn't know.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give away my creative power through fantasy as dreams.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek for direction and meaning outside of myself through dreams, where I find no purpose in my reality, because I've created no purpose.

I commit myself to stop, breathe, when and as I see myself perceiving my dreams as superior to reality, as I realize my creative power and potential through self direction and movement in each breathe, through the word, through directing the mind properly and efficiently, as I realize myself as having lost any choice in the matter to begin with.