Day 113- Media as a Break from Work.

How can so much occur in a single day within myself, and I find I'm unable to pinpoint a single thing to be improved.

I look at how I'd want to improve my life to make things smoother and more enjoyable, more disciplined, more meaningful.

How can I have none of these areas to improve on? That nothing stands out.

I get home from work and I just want to tune out, and call it a night, I tell myself that I understand this phenomena and how to deal with it, but I don't have any idea what's going on, and can hardly will myself to even write, and then willfully ignore any progress I could make within myself through writing in place to just watch videos and play games more.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be self honest about my relationship to media and entertainment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to convince myself I'm making progress when I'm not addressing that there is a problem to be resolved in self honesty.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to tell myself I'm getting better in relationship to how I dictate my time in relationship to media/entertainment when I'm not even addressing my relationship in a real nor comprehensive way, so am just excusing myself to do whatever I want, in the name of being 'progressive'.

Like everything is justifiable because it is a learning experience, when I don't find that to be tolerable based on certain experiences.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be complacent in how much I'm willing to work on and improve within myself in a single day.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to say 'that's enough for today' as surrendering to the burdens of the day.

If that's enough for one day, there was burden and resistance, there's more work to be done.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to stand down to burden.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to burden myself with standing down, and letting my problems roll over me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself by needing a certain amount of time away from my problems through media consumption.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to alleviate my burdens with media consumption, as putting myself into a state of blindness to my relationship to my real world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be blind to my problems and responsabilites while consuming media, as a means of escapism.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not remain aware of my responsibilities and relationships, even while consuming media.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame media for distracting me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create an excuse for why I utilize media as manipulation to avoid my problems, through blame.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame society for creating and consuming products that distract from the best interest of all of life equally, when in doing so I am actually distracting myself from how I am equally creating the consumer culture.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge consuming media as a bad thing, and in doing so, not recognizing how it can be done and used responsibly.

So, I commit myself to stop, breathe, when and as I see myself blaming media for  distracting me, and causing me to not accomplish much or as much as I might like to, as I realize how I create and participate in my relationship to media without blame, as I see how it is actually formed, and then can be in a position to more responsibly utilize or not utilize different media's of entertainment/ information.