Day- 15 Daydreaming of Fantasies while the World Trembles in horror.

I’ve always been a major dreamer, so I do not know how my dreams have so effectively averted my writing.

I would probably say it has to do with, my sleeping patterns for one, where I try to very consistently, attempt to bring self awareness to my sleep, with no success yet, where I try to go to sleep with self awareness with breathe, a noble feat, better then trying to have lucid dreams which I had some success at when I was in my spiritual phase, before and maybe even a lot after I discovered desteni.

It’s funny that I didn’t even try very hard to lucid dream to have success, like my mind was full throttle, ‘A way out!’, A way to hide from the world as going even deeper into dreams then my mind already tends to go.

The other point is, as I just referenced, my mind goes so deep into dreams, I have intense, elaborate, symbolic dreams. I’d basically say every single night I dream. So, this is another potential reason why my dreams have circumvented my writing, deep down I know it will be a big walk to face the depth of how systematic my dreams have become, as I realize just what my mind is trying to implement within my dreams, as what I have allowed myself to create in my world.

Another aspect is the day dreaming, not as much of recent, but my mind used to be very susceptible to visions.

The final part being it’s hard to place dreams in any category, back chat, thoughts, feelings, emotions, judgment, all things that can occur normally would occur in the dream, and that is probably where I would still use my dreams to write out things, but as for the dreams themselves, they are untapped as a means of finding points to write out, where if I react with fear to a giant monster in my dream, there’s no reason I might just write out that point in self forgiveness, but beyond that, why would I dream of a monster that scares me? Can I write out self forgiveness for dreaming? Yes, I ran it past myself, and I can do that,

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to dream, while the world outside my mind trembles in pain and suffering.  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to dream while I should be using my sleep time to utilize the relaxation and quiet time, to wake up with the strength and will to bring about a world that is best for all life, as best for me now, as best for all now, as I write not to make my life better, but because the changing of myself is one and equal to the changing of all, as one and the same, as honor.

I think that I would look and refer to what I’ve been seeing in how with the songs playing on repeat in my head, the point is not to just try to stop the songs from playing, there are as I wrote out here, http://matthewstonesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2016/01/day-9-song-in-head-backchat-part-1.html , it’s not that I’m trying to stop the song in my head from playing, and like I’m learning in my DIP pro, there’s an underlying issue,

The point is not to write out the songs on loop, but the memories of how I placed charge on these songs, then as repercussion over time as 1 + 1 eventually they have become mind possessors.

It’s not that these songs have come out of no where to just occupy the blank space in my mind, it’s that I have experienced so much emotion and feelings and experiences in relationship to certain songs, that I do not believe I can live without these songs, so my mind found a place in my brain to squeeze them in, where they can just play on loop until I die.

So through this and in common sense, I’d say a lot of how and what I dream of is in relation to certain patters and behaviors I have built up over time.

Where I wake up, think about the dream I had all day long and how crazy it was, and so the next night my mind as what I’m permitting as myself, I know I liked that fun, crazy, colorful dream, so here is another the next night.

So, not to write out having dreams, and not like writing out having back chats, but getting to my relationship to these things, and then potentially after stringent writing, I might gain such a grasp over the mechanics of these things that they might become no more then a thought in my mind which I can simply stop, breathe, and direct as I would my current thoughts (in theory).

While doing my writing here, my mom wanted me to play some music because she is downstairs in the room next to me, (I usually don’t do this, but I thought it would be a fun experiment to try listening to music while writing self forgiveness.)

I play some light jazzy/lounge music; just some very relaxing instrumentals.

All of a sudden, I’m faced with a grand challenge, as I am tempted to just go to sleep listening to this music, because I face the very point I’m writing out within this day’s blog.

I am here writing when all of a sudden I’m not here, I’m in a jungle, at peace, with someone I love, I’m transported out of my body and into this place where I am relaxed and am expressing my mind as day dreams within this song.

Just as I described it, there was no seeing this day dream happen, it just occurred, but within it I could see my participation, I allowed it to transport me, initially fighting it, but to no avail, I caved in, and felt so weak afterwards, so tired, and so relaxed, I’d rather have stayed in that place then to continue writing out in self honesty what gives me such grand experiences…

But, unfortunately for me as a mind energy addict, I’m still writing! Very unfortunate for me as a dream addict, where I can have it all; every experience, feeling, emotion I desire, it is very unfortunate for me as being this character, that I do not give up in this moment, and that I declare my intentions to begin writing this point out, by stopping my dreamy haze, and continuing to write.

Very unfortunate for me as a character of mind, that I might lose such a valuable tool in my quest for the destruction of life, and so my mind would rather have one last hurrah in an attempt to make me give up, an attempt for me to make myself give up for now rather than even open up the door of beginning to simply acknowledge how my dreams and visions have become just another part of my problem.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to be transported somewhere else, and within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give my mind the power to do so within generation of this scene of being in the jungle, at peace, with someone I love.

All the things I would need to die, without ever having lived, I dream of having every thing necessary to tolerate all abuse and indignity where at least I am happy and have all I desire, the dream is a way to escape, but there’s no escape here, not for real.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to love to dream.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to love the idea that I can escape the reality I have validated within and as my participation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize, that I am not existing as some other plane of reality where these dreams can persist infinity, and that I am very much still alive and could die for real, and the dream would end along with my life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be possessed by dreams to the point that I can be writing to change the world into the most perfect place where life is honored in all ways, and all can support themselves, as the writing of self forgiveness to change myself for real, so I can produce this world as being the change I’d like to see, and still this dream is able to possess me into a state of lethargy where ‘why bother I’ll never receive what I desire’. ‘I’ll just dream it up instead’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to stand for any dream other than the dream of equal money, and a world where life is worthy of itself, as a dream given flesh as manifested for real, not as one in sleep where it will never create anything of significance for anyone.

I commit myself to further my investigation into dreams, as I open up all aspects of my creation of them as well as my participation as reactions and decisions regarding the interest of dreams.

I commit myself to stop funding my dreams, with my interest, as investing my interest in them, leading to their rise of power over me.

I commit myself to end the rise of the dream, as stopping the era of dream in my world, and the world as a whole, where the dream of controlling fiat money, is the only dream of any value not the dream of equal money.

I commit myself to utilize my dreams as self investigation, and I commit myself to do so with my mind still well aware of my intention of the inevitable end of the dream, I commit myself to use my dreams as a source of insight and reference only so they might be the manifestation of there own destruction as well as all of my mind’s systems of enslavement and separation from the physical through self forgiveness and self honesty.