What I'm seeing is how so much of what is occurring in my mind is pre-programmed, where even just me thinking, I can try to stop thinking directly, but I will still hear thinking in my head.
As stepping towards drawing the bridge between all facets of my mind I have created back to myself here, I need to realize how in the moments of experiencing my mind as a separate entity that is out of my reach, that such a box of a definition is exactly why I cannot take all these mental points and stop them as stopping my participation within relationship to them.
I don't realize what my participation is.
Much like how I left my blog about songs in my head open-ended where I realized this point was so much more than just stopping my participation to the song and then breathing and directing myself here, because the song is so deeply entrenched in so much construction over time, that I realized the walking of that point out would require more self honest investigation and self forgiveness.
For the song in the head example, what I can do, to continue to investigate and pry open the construct, is for one, stopping my relationship to this song in the head, where I react to the song in the head with, 'ohh great this is an annoying song in my head', or with 'ohh yeah I like that song', so in recognizing my current relationship in real time and writing it out, as well as how I went back in time and saw how much emotion and feeling I placed within music, and defined a part of me by it, so the according creation was music being played in my head to manipulate me, as I manipulated myself as creating that mental influence and self definition.
The mind is not stable as life, as earth, as the physical, it is only holding together as energy, as what I have given up as myself to feed the mind system, my mind is full of strings, of which are all connected, so to forgive myself and correct myself of anything requires only to start pulling the thread to open up all the elements and relationships at play within my participation.
As I am sitting here, trying to improve life as reconstructing the very words, and very systems I am participating in and creating, as I am going about my day at work trying to do my best and support myself even when I do not have the ability to write myself out as self forgiveness and self commitment, I am left to breathe, and to within breathe direct myself as breathe here, as stopping my mental participation.
What I need to grasp here is that, regardless of how I have funded and sowed my mind over the period of my entire life, it is in each moment that I allow it to persist.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try to stop my mind from within my mind.
I realize as doing so, I'm not getting the the point of self honest self forgiveness where I realize where I am participating, but instead am trying to snuff out my mind without walking the time as self forgiveness and self commitment breathe by breathe.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try to stop my mind by force as force within my mind itself.
I realize I cannot trust my mind to stop itself, as I must take all points back to myself, as myself here is where I abdicated my self responsibility as life as the creation of the mind.
I realize, my mind stopping itself, is a total contradiction to the very nature I have programmed it as, as to Stop... Under no circumstance, as to hold power over the physical.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to complicate my life as my process by trying to circumvent the practical real time self honest application of self forgiveness, self commitment, and breathe.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try to stop my mind from within my mind as force, as forced breathe, as forced nature upon self, so that I could pull ahead of my problems and pains.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not give to myself the real time needed to walk my struggle, so that I can see the process, share the process, and stand by the process I walked in all ways, for all of time.
That is best for all, that is best for me.
Stopping my mind from within my mind, for over 2 years, was not best for all as equal, so it was not best for me... SO I GAINED NOTHING.
Yet, in one moment of time, to sit here, and write this for myself, for all, as one as myself, the truth is here for me.
I commit myself to stop, breathe, and correct myself in relationship to all points of mental participation and creation, as breathe, as taking it back to myself here as breathe, not as mind.
I commit myself to stop, breathe, and correct myself as stopping my participation within my relationship and participation as my mind, when and as I see myself stopping, breathing, and directing myself from and as within my mind,
So when I stop, breathe, and correct, it is representative of what is here, and not of what is in my head, as my secret desire to be done with walking my process, and to be able to enjoy and express myself as life in all ways without walking out everything I've placed in my way as my mind of separation.
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