Day 37 - 'Everything's Fine'

"I'm fine"

Everything is fine.

I'm just fine. 

So, I look at the expression of; 'I can't really think of any particular point that I feel is pressing, and needing attention, because I feel just fine.'

'Everything is going my way', 'I'm doing well', 'I'm ok', 'everything is fine'. 

What this tells me, is that something is very, very wrong within me. 

This aggressive complacency. 

The bar I have set has been reached, and now I'm just fine. 

I suspected something was up!~

There is a point within me that I realize will be supportive to investigate and uncover, and I within my mind could not quite place it whatsoever, so I reacted as saying within myself, 'forget it', 'I'm fine', 'why bother'. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to 'give up' on the point within myself I realize requires my most immediate and specific address within self forgiveness. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to not being able to reach this point within my mind with giving up, within the idea that I am ok even if I let this point slip by. 

As, I have money, and I give that the ultimate power, so why investigate something within myself that is not related to money, and does not seem significant. 

There's something that I need to get to the bottom of...

Yet, I have any infinite number of things I could write out for myself.

Why have I placed so much value on this point that I cannot quite pin down, and why did I become so defensive in attempting to distract myself within 'giving up' on the point in my mind. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear this expression within myself of, 'something is not quite right'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create a polarity of good and bad when I respond to the feeling of 'somethings is not quite right within me', with the point of 'everything is fine'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be complacent within waiting for this point to reveal itself, and within this giving my power to realize the point as myself within action as speaking, writing, investigating. 

I still don't see it, was it real? 

It wasn't 'real' it was feeling within myself of something's not quite right, there is a point I'd like to address within my writing, but I cannot quite pin it down. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give a fleeting expression total power over me, where I experience the point of 'There's something I'd like to address within my writing, but I can't quite pin it down'

Within this I realize, I'm not asking myself what I'd like to address within my world as my writing, I thoroughly believe it is outside of myself. 

I believe the point I must address in my writing must be revealed to me by my mind, and in this I am allowing myself to be complacent and my mind to tell me what the point is. 

Why would my mind tell me? 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give my mind the power of revealing to me what is the most supportive and valuable point to address for myself in my life at any given moment. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not trust myself to give to myself the most specific, valuable, supportive point to work on at any given moment that writing and self forgiveness is available to me. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing my mind to speak as me, when I tell it to 'tell me what this point is'

As though my mind is god, and I must pray that it tells me what I need to work on within myself. 

I stop, breathe, and direct myself in this moment to tell myself what the most supportive and specifically pertaining to my current situation is within a point of my mind I need to address. 

I don't see within myself what I could be referring to.

Apparently through creative, constructive, self forgiveness, I have come to the conclusion this ultimate point to write about, is just a mental construct. 

So, in this moment, what do I want? 

I want to do 'more', I want to 'give more', I don't want to be complacent, I want to further the progress of Desteni within myself and others, as giving to myself and others as one and equal, the tools of self forgiveness. Because the purpose I am curating and have given to myself, is to forgive myself to the utmost potential I can, and then reasserting myself as what is best for myself as all of life equally. 

Ok, so I could write more self forgiveness then, but 'I'm fine', I don't want to do that. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give up on myself, as giving up on the purpose I have given to myself to deconstruct my life, and reassert myself as what is best for all of life. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold 'being fine' as a contradictory purpose in my life.

Where my purpose is to reach the point of, 'I'm fine'.

I'm fine, when all of life on earth is regarded with honor and integrity, and true peace on earth is constructed. 

So, I'm fine within my system of limitation, I'm fine with other human beings suffering, I'm fine with hell on earth. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to tolerate the system of earth as it stands by expressing myself as my mind of 'being fine'.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not push myself harder, further, and longer because I don't want to truly commit myself to creating heaven on earth. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to utilize my will as a weapon against myself, where I can apply my will to whatever I chose in my mind, instead of realizing my will as having only power over me, when I do not always direct it towards what is best, as always finding a way to direct myself as what is best for all of life. 

So, I keep writing then. 

I keep going, 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear, not slowing down.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that if I really commit myself to do what I realize is best as truly pushing myself to write, and investigate, and be involved with Desteni, as my self commitment of purpose entails, that there will be no turning back. 

There will be no more breaks from Desteni.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use turning back, as the same expression as giving up, where turning back means I could always turn back around once more, but giving up, means I am giving up for good. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to manipulate words, as giving me many different options to express the same point of giving up on myself.

Where within words I am able to construct infinite means of me giving up on myself, all resembling the different expressions of giving up, as complacency, tiredness, not caring, not understanding, not comprehending, feeling as though something's not quite right. 

Here, I am able to deconstruct even the most fleeting of expressions, and realize just the power it holds over me, as I realize my mind participation truly is reflecting everything that I participate in, and truly controls who I am in every way. 

I commit myself to never stand for being 'just fine'

I commit myself to always find a way to myself, through breathing and self forgiveness until the world has reached equality as equal money, where all life is honored and respected one and equal, as I realize until then, I can never stand for being 'just fine'.