Sunday, February 21, 2016

Day 33- Getting Worked up at Work

When I'm at work, I find myself going into a state of 'I need to just get done with this', an emotional state of aniexty.

In the moment of being at work, where I cannot write, cannot have any comforts I am used to, it is the most vital of times to give to myself the courage of facing myself, and doing what need to be done.

This anxiety is coming from the idea of, 'I can't handle this', so I let my anxiety take over.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to respond the the idea of I cannot do it, with anxiety.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give my power of what I can and cannot do to my mind as anxiety, where I fear facing my true potential.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exsist within my mind as the expression of giving up out of a response to an emotional despressation to be where I feel safe such as my home, or my bed.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give power over who I am and what I am capable of to the idea of my comfort zone being in bed, where I always wish I could have slept more, wish I could have spent more time in bed.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize the polairty where I want to improve and do better within supporting myself at work, but don't want to do what it takes to support me as getting up out of bed, and thus always wishing I had just stayed in bed.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel tiresd at work and then desiring to get done with work to go back to bed.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not take these moments to realize the comfort I have in bed as the comfort here as myself which I can give to myself in each breathe.

I commit myself to support myself within my comfort and stability as giving to myself the comfort of being in bed in each breathe, as realizing I can do what I need to do in the world and do not have to suffer from exhaustion and desire to just be done so I can go back to bed.

I commit myself to no longer take naps as hitting snooze on my alarm clock, as I realize how I define my entire day from wake to sleep within that simple moment of I can't wake up yet, I give up.

I can't do this work, I give up, I can't deal with what I have created, I give up.

When and as I see myself reacting to all the reasons I'd like to sleep in just a little longer each mourning, I stop, breathe, and direct myself as realizing that in commiting mgself to wake up and face the day, that is what I give to myself in each breathe for the rest of the day.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my life will get worse, if I were to snooze in after writing out why I should not and how I have already committed myself to do so.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to commit myself to not snooze in when I wake up without having properly written the point out within self trust, where I have put my self in a position of not snoozing in out of fear of the consequence instead of because I realize it is best for me and for the rest of my day to not snooze in.

I realize that I am showing myself the out flow consequence I have already been facing as having nisrables days at work where I feel I'd have more satisfaction in dying then and there then having to walk my life for another instant.

So I realize, this fear of consequence is something to face and walk out, yet it is better to know for myself, and make a choice for myself, then to not understand the mechanics of how I set up the rest of my day for failure when I snooze in, as the action of surrender, and then must force myself to function during the rest of my day, sometimes in extreme internal discomfort or pain.

Returning to when I am actually facing the Consequence's of emotional reactions as being Worked up at Work.

I stress out over needing to do specefic tasks, that become an emotional point of despair, as, 'I can't do this task'.

Yet I still do it, within resentment for how difficult I have made the task.

It's not the work itself that takes over my expiernece, it's my emotional reactions, as my emotional relationship.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to repress my anxiety occurring while at work with resentment, as facing the tasks that give me anxiety as a punishment as not facing the anxiety but instead, layering over it with more emotional distress.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to work while within the expression of, 'just get it done, so this emotional pain will stop', as acting from a point of mind as desperation to be elevated by an external idea of being 'done with work fordone'.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to put myself in a position of struggling to just be done instead of allowing myself to just be 'done' with the emotional turmoil as breathing and focusing on the tasks at hand.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hate the situation that I myself have placed myself in as getting worked up, while at work.

When and as I see myself becoming anxious within the desire to just be done with work for the day and to get out, I stop, breathe, and direct myself here as realizing I do not need to fight within myself as this turmoil of feeling trapped at work.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel trapped at work.

I realize that to support myself I must be able to stabilize myself within a means of income and I realize that this time at work, can be time I take for myself to just relax, do what is needed, and enjoy myself as exsisting within the expression of self reposnability, as both during the work, internally, and externally to support myself as life as all of life.

I commit myself to adding another element at play while at work, where within each breathe at work, and in every moment eve n outside work, I commit myself to give myself as much comfort and stability as I possibly can, as I learn to cross reference with what is here, and realize in self honesty what my comfort zone is, as life, or if life even requires a comfort zone.

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