Day 135- Redefineing Seeking

The seeking soul. I am a seeker.

I have a decently defined position I like to keep my mind.

Not to hot not to warm.

Where I can identify my mind straying and cut it off in a timely manner.

Where I can catch things that are getting out of hand, see what I can do, and make note if it's something I think needs direct correction.

I can think and plan efficiently without over thinking, but can still see where I need improvement.

I can focus on my breathe and not on my mind and energy, and can see misalignment when I am obsessing over something that has come up within me.

Right now I'm fine mentally, but there's something in my very being that is totally wrong.

In my soul, in the way I live.

I'm on edge, I'm a lier, I can't see clearly the impact and the gravity of what I do and how I act and speak.

I'm seeking something.

I'm tired of seeking.

Seething, draining, wallowing, hunger.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek within my being for something to end the life I've made.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek for outs to what I create in my reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek for something to speak to me in a way that fulfills me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek for a way of life that numbs consequence.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek what's in my best interest.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe if I don't seek out within myself what's best, I won't find it within myself.

Every time I sit down to write, I'm desperate.

I've been writing things out without putting the effort and finesse that I prefer because I'm seeking the very best point, something so precise and earth shattering.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek something to break me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek something to lift me up.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek something that will last forever.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek fortune.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek hatred.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek clarity.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek power.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek dominance.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek clarity.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek justice.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek acknowledgement.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek comfort.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek something outside of myself.

When I'm done seeking, I'll be dead.

"They call me 'The Seeker', I've been searching low and high, I won't get to get what I'm after, till the day I die.", -The Who.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek serenity.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek a way out from the voices in my head.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek a way out of my hostility.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek the answer.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek to speak with my soul.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek inspiration.

I define seeking as looking for something outside of my exsistance.

I redefine seeking as power to search through what has already been laid out, what is already here, what is found but not seen.

I commit myself to stop, breathe, when and as I see myself existing within seeking as I have defined it, and reassert myself as I redefine it, as I realize I've wasted my energy on all the things I told myself could be found, and never found myself as a living being.

Everything in my reality can be quantifiable perfect, laid out as if it were engineered just for me to appreciate and enjoy and exist.

But I'm not existing I've been seeking, but now in each breathe, seeking is part of my soul, but in alignment with who I would like to be, and what I would like to create and live on earth.

I'm here because I seek, but I don't listen.