I screamed at first when I saw it, it was like 'woah', it is very intense to look at, and it caught me off guard, like it was looking back at me, I was a little scared.
It looks very sleek, dangerous, the purple, red, and black is really intense.
My favorite things of all, is that the two black tear drops look like eyes, the red center looks like a nose, and the brown splotch beneath the red circle looks like a happy mouth, a tussle collar, a tussle hat, a tie, and a mustache, making it look like a clown, which I like a lot.
I wonder about the 4 black circles which I'm sure have some significance, as well as the red circle in the center.
I'm suppose to have a recording made to explain my signature in better depth to me in the next few days so I'll return once I have more information.
I'm pretty satisfied just looking at it, but it'll be good to know the details and background of the different elements at play in my drawing.
Really though, it doesn't matter, seeing it now I feel no different then I did a few hours ago.
It's just cool is all, to spend the money I work for on this commission giving my money to people I trust to do something good with it, and in turn a lot of self reflection and investigating can come now, and much more once I get translated what the image means on a grander scale.
How can I reflect? How can I open myself up and investigate my relationship to this image?
What does this image say about me?
In my mind it say I'm awesome.
It says I'm cool.
It says I'm powerful.
It says I'm going to make it.
These are thoughts I've had before, which is why I screamed when I saw the picture out of shock, like this has been me the whole time, but it's become cluttered and muffled by my mind taking that expression and warping it.
This sense of power within the physical, that if can just get myself together, if I can restructure myself my mind, then everything else can be laid to rest.
It just reminds me of how tired I am, I can walk myself back to life in space and time, I don't see anything I can't face and forgive and apply in self forgiveness and self honesty, but if things don't line up, if I die, if something happens to me, which it seemed like things almost did line up that way not too long ago.
That would be it for me.
I have to make things line up the best I can, while I still can, and I still have time to do so.
I can share what I see, but in the end I have to carry the torch for myself.
I have a to keep going.
I'm reminded of when I tried to walk my process for several years without speaking self forgiveness, in just breathing, trying to stop my mind from within my mind, I saw how in trying to take a short cut, I accomplished the opposite, and prolonged my progression, to just get it all done, to get where I was trying to go from the start, very funny, and very clever, just like a clown would do.
I've seen the consequences of short cuts, definitely, I've seen in my life the many different lengths I'll go, to get things done without having to walk things out for real.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to drag consequences into my life by taking short cuts, instead of walking the long path ahead.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear shortcuts, as I fear the impulse and instinct to take the easy way out, as I realize there is no easy way out.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge shortcuts, as a shortcut from taking shortcuts, a contradiction.
I judge shortcuts so I will be incentived to take the right path, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge the long path as the right path.
Sometimes the quick way will be right, and sometimes the long way will be right.
My picture has a maze like structure, everything is connected, except for the center.
I've struggled with getting things done,
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take the shortcut to getting things done, without ever questioning my desperation to get things done, and what it says about what I'm trying to be done with to begin with.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get side tracked with shortcuts instead of focusing on my goals and achieving them.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fight tooth and nail to achieve my goals without questioning the path that I'm taking.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to put so much pressure on myself to get where I'm going when I'm forced to compromise my utmost potential in the process.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel guilty for pressuring myself to act in a way that is not me honoring my utmost potential, as I see the inherit resistance and desire to hold onto what isn't best for me, as my mental design still holds me hostage.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold myself hostage to the fear and hatred and shame, of admitting where I've been misaligned.
I look at my drawing and it looks perfect, nothing is misaligned within who I am, I've created my own worst enemy, physical restraint, physical pressure, physical abuse, conducted by me, through the guise of my mind.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create an insufferable existence for myself, where I cannot accomplish anything, and blame my mind, denying I had a choice in my creation.
In my drawing I see my utmost potential, I'm intimidated by the lengths I must go, that's why I take shortcuts, but as intimidating as it is now, it will only get worse.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take shortcuts because I'm intimidated by the lengths I must go, to push myself further.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be intimidated, by what I see I require from myself, while I can see, I desire the solace and comfort in taking on the challenge all the way.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not pace myself in a uniform way, where I'm taking on the challenge step by step, and not forcing myself to leap into the unknown.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to squirm within myself trying to find a way out of the pacing which I'm currently living, as I realize this squirming is me seeking the path outside of myself which I haven't realize within myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize the path within myself in self realization.
I commit myself to stop, breathe, when and as I see myself trying to escape from the cage I'm living in, as I realize I've created the cage for myself.
I didn't have any expectations for my drawing, but I'm very pleased with my little clown signature, and I realize I am a happy little clown dog person, I'll find out if my picture has anything to do with clowns or not when I get my review, but in my mind everything makes sense as far as I can see it as being a clown.
Probably the coolest drawing I've ever seen.
No comments:
Post a Comment