Day 140- Unleashing Feelings

My heart feels like it's racing.

I don't feel like I can slow down.

I feel I'm going to die, from my body pumping so fast.

Is this it for me?

What can I do?

And how have I in my life equated intense physical moments and experiences to be blown out of proportion, equated to death, when I'm not dead at all.

This what I've been training for, harder, better, faster, stronger, what about slower, calmer, safer, stabler.

I'm drawing the line here, it's time to slow down.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give into panic as a form of release, when what I'm really releasing is my responsibility to face the physical, and physically I'm going very fast right now.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give into panic and say to myself, I've lost all control, I've lost everything within myself, when looking now in self honesty, the opposite is true, I've never felt so calm, so focused within my breathe, within my being, I've never been so present.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to automatically decide this is it, I give up, right when I'm given the opportunity I've been working for, for so long.

The opportunity to live.

It makes sense, because I've been fighting uphill, suffering out of an obligation sometimes separate from my desires, my feelings, my dreams.

I feel like I'm winning.

My heart's racing because I'm in a fight with myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get so pumped, and so worked up just to fight myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not having a threat to fight.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not having something to fear.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to find comfort in fighting within myself.

Because I'm not comfortable, and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to find comfort and solace in making challenges and making enemies within myself, where none should have existed.


I've won, I'm finally going to push myself too hard, too fast, and too strong.

I'm losing my mind, but I'm gaining the physical.

Now I want to feel good.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not feel good.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to discard feelings.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define my process by the fight waging within me, when there is no winner or loser, so I realize I need more to work with.

I need to feel.

I commit myself to feel.

To feel good, to feel something.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to circumvent my feelings.

I've wavered from this point before, but after my heart racing and investigating what's happening, I'm going down a dead end.

I need to start over, and ruin everything I've been working towards, to admit I'm completely wrong.

I need to replenish.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to snuff my feelings.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to destroy my feelings without facing them in self honesty.

I can see my feelings rushing under the surface of all the energy I'm consumed by.

Ok feelings, it's time to come out.

Come out feelings.

Where are you?

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to cage my feelings because I fear them.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be hurt by my feelings when I let them become a misalignment and blamed other beings for the crime I committed within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as tired of my feelings when I've never given them a fair shake.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from my feelings when I see how I've imagined separation from my feelings to prevent me from accessing them.

My feelings are totally unforgiven, so why don't they face me?

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to train myself to suppress my feelings by becoming possessed with fear.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to utilize fear to suppress my feelings.

Why can't I conjure my feelings.

Come out feelings,

I commit myself to show myself I don't need to fear my feelings, by stopping, breathing, when and as I see my feelings and not going into fear in relationship to them.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my feelings can hurt me.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize I've allowed my feelings to hurt me, by giving them the power to do so within my being.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give my feelings the power to harm me, by harming myself and blaming my feelings for being in charge.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give my feelings control, in separating myself from one and equal to my creation as feelings.

Juxtaposition.

What do I feel?

I feel suppressed.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress my physical expression through my creation of separation from being equal to the feelings I've created.

I am what I've created.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as not being able to handle my feelings.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use definitions to distort reality and prevent me from taking action.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto my emotional blockage instead of letting it go.

Genius.

I'll just turn around and walk straight towards my feelings.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to force my body to carry my emotional baggage, leading it to become corrupted and malfunction, as I'm corrupted and I'm malfunctioning.

I have a migraine, all this feeling stuff is going to my head.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel as though I'm not ready to face my feelings, when I'm telling myself, and physically showing myself, there's no choice, only the easy way and the hard way.

Between a rock and a hard place.

A knot that must be untied.

I feel tired.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create tiredness, where tiredness does not belong.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create tiredness out of defiance.

I'm tired of defiance.

I cannot finance this process, if I don't cooperate.

Yep, I just listened to the song I've been listening to lately, and I felt something.

I knew my feelings weren't forgiven, just suppressed.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my feeling being played with, when I'm the one who played with myself, and sent myself down the river, and that's ok.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry that my feelings are played with.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame my feelings being played with as occurring outside of myself.

I can see so much happening now.

It's time to put a pin in this for now.

I commit myself to stop, breathe, when and as I see myself making my life revolve around feelings when I suppress them, given them the most force and the most power in my life, when I cannot even see them, i
n stopping, in breathing, in letting go and forgiving my suppression when I see it occurring, I release my feelings, and whatever is not realized and remains, I let it remain until I can forgive it.