Day 152- My Five Words; Stable

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as superior to stability, as if I can function without stability in myself and my life.

Stability like my other 5 words is something I can see in each breathe.

I wish I had the same stability in each breathe, I wish I had the same stability in each day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ridicule myself for doing things that place me out side of my comfort zone and idea of stability, as I realize I'm showing myself stability comes from within.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be anything less than stable within myself and my breathing until death, as I realize stability works directly with reality and the physical, because the best way to function and work with what is here on earth is to be stable within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become unstable in how I direct my mind where I'm inconsistent.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that some force of self and force of will is required to maintain my internal stability, as I from there realize the world around me falls into place on the same course.

I have everything lined up just right, I have everything right on course for myself, and I'm just praying that everything outside of me remains stable, so I can remain stable, consistent, and on course within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to depend my internal stability as the stability defined in each breathe as each moment of self direction based on what occurs externally out of my grasp.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame the external for disrupting me in having things my way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to depend my stability in each breathe as having things go my way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define certain things such as great loss as being my line in the sand where I have to give up on my stability within myself entirely.

It's not the end goal I want, but I had something on my mind today, and I realize ultimately writing and self forgiveness is my end goal of completion in real change, but I tried something a little different, in imagining the worst case scenario of something I was worried about, and accepting myself in relationship to it, and I imagined how far I could go, losing my job, my car, what if I lost everything I had, and I just imagined how I could still be stable, how I might change significantly in my character and my living, but how I could remain stable even in the worst situation, I can see the potential to remain stable within myself no matter what happen, but I want to live it for real beyond my imagination.

It's just such an awesome thought, to remain stable no matter what, for me the imagination breaks down when I see myself losing everything and becoming homeless or something, and I imagine the hunger as being what would break me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up on remaining stable within myself in each breathe when faced with severe hunger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not remain stable within each breathe when faced with my dreams and imagination which is one of the biggest points I have to face within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself to not being stable within myself if I were ever faced with total external instability as being homeless.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear becoming unstable if I lived on my own and not with my mom and had more responsibly thusly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up on my internal stability when faced with external responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not remain stable within myself when faced with my emotional mind.

I like stability a lot.

When it comes to my other words,

Direct,

Firm,

Assertive,

Depth,

I can see the relevance for me, but what I like the most is stability.

I can already see the potential the most for me within stability, it resonates with me for some reason, it makes me feel safe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit stability to being defined as being safe, as I realize I can have and express stability in even the most traumatic and dangerous of situations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not live the word stable in each breathe within self direction to the best of my ability while I'm watching entertainment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let entertainment disrupt my internal stability.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the expression of zoning out and suppressing in relationship to my existential exsistance and entertainment, when I could remain as stable no matter what I'm doing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not remain stable within myself when I become burt out on energy.

Sleep and energy are a big thing I've been fighting lately,

It would help me a lot to remain stable during these afflictions of being burnt out/sleepy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear taking self responsibility for being burnt out on energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my body as responsible to energetically recover outside of me as one and equal to that recovery after burnout.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into instability when I get burnt out by telling myself I've failed.

What is failure?

Why do I do the things I do?

I just wish I was in one whole stable piece, and sometimes that means pushing myself harder than I'm able to handle, redefining my capacity.

When and as I see myself giving up on my stability within breathe as I realize and understand what I define stability in breathe as, I stop, I breathe, I realize this stability will always support me, so I must not be afraid to remain within stability to the b
est of my abilities at all times, even if I am burnt out and feel like I will die, I commit myself to remain within stability as breathe even when faced with feeling like I'm totally burnt out, as to prevent this feeling of being burnt out from affecting my actions affecting my stability.