Day 45 - Mind of Chains

I want to become more stable, more able to move and direct myself within my world.

To be at work and do what needs to be done, without resistance from my mind.

And, I want to know what to write about to support myself as self forgiveness and self commitment.

I look for the big grand key that will unlock me from my chains, but in trying to unlcok the big chains, I do not recognise how I treat them as the most important thing, and not recognizing how I put all the little chains aside, as I struggle with the existential, the larger than life points I have created as my mind.

I forgibe myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize each chain I have created as my mind as one and equal in it's power and influence over me, as I realize all chains are interconnected.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desperately struggle to unlock as to forgive myself of my biggest struggles, and my biggest issues, and within this waste time on things that I have not given the time for self honesty, instead of taking a step back, and approaching the things that I do see and understand my relationship towards.

I commit myself to stop, breathe when and as I see myself struggling to face a point in my life within self honesty, and in that moment move my focus and attention to what I can face in self honesty, as realizing myself not as a grand being who takes on great problems and struggles, but as someone who is in pain, and someone who must be pragmatic in unwinding all the strings I have strung together within my mind, as realizing what I can do to support my well being and stability within self forgiveness can be expressed one and equal to any point in my life regardless of the size and caliber I have defined it by within my mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define my process as taking out all the biggest meanest points within me, as within this, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize all points in my mind as being one and equal within their power and influence over me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react with sadness that I cannot take on my mind all at once as a whole, and instead must walk it out the same way it was created, point by point, string, by string, chain by chain.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react with sadness of the time and specificity I am required to face my mind as real change as self forgiveness, because I just want the discomfort to stop.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to walk myself at a pace, where I can see the development of myself here as breathe in each moment, where I can give to myself the comfort of decomstructing my mind one inch at a time.

I forigve myself for accepting and allowing myself to walk my process in a way that is counterintuitive where I just wish 'I could be done'.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to express myself as just wanting to be done, when I do not even understand what it means to be done with even a single point within my mind.

I commit myself to discover what it means to be 'done', as standing within breathe, as truly having stopped even a single point within me, so I might have a reference point of understanding the different playouts and relationships, and resistance I face within stopping different points in my mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to expiernece resistance to stopping even a single point in my mind, and within this I question how have I been expecting to take on the whole length of my creation as mind, when I am resistant against truly standing as having stopped even a single point.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to struggle within my process because my ego as who I see myself as within my mind, will not allow me to properly and efficiently face points and occcurances within my mind and reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing my ego as preference as what I must do as a mind, to influence me within my process, as I realize giving my mind an inch, will lead to it eventually having taken a mile, and meaning every time I give into ego within walking my process, I push myself further from where I would like to be as my physical existsance.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to give myself love and compassion as walking out my mind in self honesty, for real, as giving to myself back to myself as what is best for life as real love, one word and one breathe at a time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hate myself as setting my process of life back each time I skip a word or skip a breathe, as I try to reach myself here by force as my mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try to force my process onto myself and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not understand why I am walking my process, as indicated by me trying to force it upon myself, instead of simply giving it to myself.

I commit myself to work with myself where I can within self honesty, and I commit myself to focus on bringing the point at hand, whatever it may be, to fruition instead of worrying I am not addressing a more important 'issue/concern' in my life.

I commit myself to be patientence within breathe, in relationship to each point I take on within my life.