Day 67- Silver lining

Silver lining.

A lesson in everything.

Improvement.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live without self improvement, when something bad happened and I did not learn from my relationship to it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not have taken bad experiences back to myself and tried to improve on them.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to treat myself better, by learning more from my experiences.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not treat myself better by learning from my situation and experiences because I'm existing as blame toward my situation and experiences.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not improve myself in relationship to my experiences and situations out of blame.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be honest with myself in how I have limited my self improvement through blaming my circumstances.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not improve from within myself because I do not honestly introspect when something goes wrong or right in my life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have existed within the personality of going into situations and trying to make things work out, without ever taking a step back and questioning when things don't seem to quite add up.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek what I want externally as what I'm not giving to myself internally without questioning when things do not work out, as not realizing how I blame others for not giving to me what I want and desire in my world as relationships.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize the best way to live as improving as learning from my mistakes and unforeseen situations, as taking the points back to myself, as seeing myself as the starting point.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to let fear overwhelm me and prevent me from seeing what needs to be seen as taking points back to myself.

I commit myself to stop, breathe, and direct myself as realizing myself as limiting myself within blame when I do no pick up where I left off, as improving the good, bad, and neutral in my life, as giving to myself the gift of self improvement utilizing the equality principle, when and as I see myself blaming other's for my situation as an excuse to not improve myself wherever I can.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not improve when I'm blaming others for not doing what I want them to.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try to have authority over someone else and within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to utilize blame as blaming another for not doing things my way.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to take self responsibility for myself and my own actions when I limit what I'm willing to do and stand for within myself dependent on what another will do for me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize myself as the starting point of my self improvement and instead impose onto myself out of blame of external forces, as if this person does this, than I refuse to move forward.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself out of blame, as I cannot function like this, because 'this is not fair to me'.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize others actions are their own, and who I am within my relationship to others actions is what is limiting me, as I am setting a bar of when and when I am not willing to act and improve based on others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be destructive towards myself because things aren't fair to me, and within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize I am the one destroying myself, as not accepting the world around me as it is, and guaranteeing the one thing I can actually give to myself, as standing one and equal regardless of the circumstances.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to verbally attack others within my mind, as a means of further ingraining the blame within me, where, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I can make things fair through mental attacks on others characters, and within this not realize I'm only seeing even more of my own limitation towards myself as blame, as in self honesty I realize when I verbally slander another as backchat and hate, I'm the one who has to pay the Piper.

I forgive myself for accepting and and allowing myself to believe by mentally taking a swing at someone as hateful thoughts and language that I will be justified and reach equilibrium with them, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to manipulate myself as hate and thoughts as backchat to reach equilibrium, without seeing that I'm the one who has created the imbalance within myself, and the hate and spite I permeate only makes it worse.

So, now I can see how I'm absolutely the one with the problem, I'm the only one, as one and equal, so I am existing as the curator and creator of my own problems and injustice.

So, best I stop all the fowl mouthing, even if just internal, because I'm only making things worse for myself.

I commit myself to, stop, breathe, and direct myself to not participate in deliberate backchat as hate speech toward others out of blaming them for my limitations, when and as I see myself blaming another for my current experiences, as giving me a chance to move on from that moment, and leaving it as it is, until it can be attended to within breathing, self honesty, and self forgiveness, and self commitment, as I realize when I permit myself to think the things I do, about people, about myself, out of blame, I am clearly the one running the show, the one who tolerates blame to get his way, the one who knows not what he does. The fool. I commit myself, to stop playing the fool, and live.

So this personality of blaming my circumstances and others, and than not taking action in response, what kind of world do I think I live in? What evidence is their that the world will ever bend to my whims? There is not evidence that the world as the people making up the world are fair, I'm not fair, this is an illusion that I have illustrated, expecting the world to suit my desired outcomes, and hopes.

It takes me back to my dreams again, as I have stated before, boy can I dream, what do I gain? Nothing really, it seems.

And this illusion, seems to reflect my ability to dream.

Where I can really really dream up and concoct a certain idea as a dream of what I'd like my world to be, and what is fair, and what I want to happen, and it's all another dream, I blame the world for not being as I have dreamt. And I'm so up in my own illusions, that I won't settle for what is, and simply realize and do what is best for myself as all of life equal.

This is my chance to improve, this is my chance to move forward for real.

What will be, will be, what I need to do is to take on myself, as one and equal, as doing what is best for myself as all of life, in all ways.

I commit myself to stop the corrosive destruction that I have manifested as my mind, and to reintroduce to myself, a better way or living, for all, as one and equal to myself.

I commit myself to remember, the power my mind has, is only the power I have over myself. Disempowement vs Self empowerment and self improvement.

I commit myself to improve for real, as seeing with real eyes, and without fear.

So I just have another thought as a thinking moment about some situations in my life right now, and I think to myself I'm budgeting my time now to write, introspect and improve and that's fantastic, but in the moment at work, at play, ect. I think to myself, I was trying my god damned heart out, what else could I have done?

So, when stop blaming others in my mind, I'm seeing a more clearer picture as indicated by this sentiment I had toward myself. 'I tried my best'.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be mad that things go wrong even though 'I tried my best'.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize trying my best, means trying to best the system, not trying to better myself.

I commit myself to suppourt myself in the betterment of myself, and to stop trying to beat the system, as I realize, nearer, and nearer, I am the system, so what good will beating myself accomplish?

I commit myself to stop, breathe, and direct myself as realizing the limitation of 'fairness', as not realizing what is, and only seeing my dream and my desire of fair, as a mind, when and as I see myself, reacting, and acting on my judgement towards myself as what is and is not ok within my world.