Day 57- Dreams Are Equal to Money

I have crazy dreams. It's a source of pride.

The one thing that I really feel like I have accomplished in my life.

What does that say about me?

Maybe that I'm a 'dreamer'.

Maybe, but let
me pick at this a little.

I'm proud of my dreams, I'm in love with my dreams.

What have I put effort into in terms of dreaming?

I'm more enthralled with pictures in my head that just occur automatically, then I am the work I do, or the writing I've been doing.

I'm happy about the 'good' things in my life, as the dreams, as what occurs on it's own. What occurred outside of my conscience effort, but worked out for me as ego.

I'm happy I have a good life, because I was born into money.

That I now work and can 'earn my own share' seems to be something going unappreciated.

I draw these connections, not because I'm drifting off point, but because what is there to say about dreams?

I cannot draw any correlations at this moment to what my dreams 'mean' about my mind, my exsistance, I can only see now within myself how I have formed a relationship to dreams parallel to my life.

Good dreams come easy to me without effort, just like a good life of money, because I was born into money.

So the first layer is pride, what is there to be proud of that I was born into good dreams, good money, a 'good' life, when for it I cannot stand at all. I accept my dreams, my place within the system, as a 'birthright', even though everything I have observed in the news, in my world, in myself and others, tells me in reality my life is a facade, given to me, at the exspence of what was taken from others who do not have good dreams, because they were not born into money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be proud that I can have good dreams because I have money.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize my money is a facade, just like my dreams.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be proud that I was naturally born into good dreams as good money when my money has been given to me at the exspence of life of even my own life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be proud instead of seeing clearly the real picture, that my dreams are not real, and neither is my money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to look for meaning in my dreams where I can find none, just as I can find no meaning in why I have, while others do not.

So don't be proud of that... That will equal consequence, to be proud that I can live relatively well in all ways, while most cannot or must put much more effort to reach the same living conditions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be mad at others for not telling me I'm a dreamer, and that I must wake up before it all collapses in on me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame others for not warning me that the towers I build in my mind will not stand for long, and will be the consequence's of myself and many others, because my dream is of money, and money is the scourge of earth.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame others because I know my palace will fall soon and I dont want to face it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear facing the blight of the dreamers within myself, as how I have failed to see what is here on earth looming past my illusion of privilege.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to build myself up as dreams in place of not seeing any potential to live, to create, to work, to matter within myself.

So now I'm seeing... I don't need to say that day dreams, dreams, or even my living experience need to be differed to differently so much.

I remember in a movie I saw it tackled the point of dreams being just as real as what we live in our day-to-day, and this existential concept exist in all sorts of forms.

Now I can see that point with clarity.

Maddening clarity.

Yes life is but a dream, merrily merrily merrily merrily gently down the stream.

I can see it perfectly.

It is that dreams are a total fabrication of the mind, and so are our lives... Speaking from my own experience, my life is but a dream, because I made it so... I allowed my life to be a total fabrication, as permitting the fabricated system of the world of money and relationships within myself.

I was born into money, now all I have to do is accept it, but instead I refuse. In this blog, I refute to stay idle, and accept my dream.

I wake up tired, like my body is saying, 'ohh he's returned time to get back to reality'.

Like I sleep to dream, to escape, so returning to my body is a brutal process, that does not really seem to be fulfilled at a regular pace.

I feel tired from years ago, so I would not say my nights of dreaming are in my favor, and I don't see myself catching up any time soon. My life of dreaming I might add.

Gently down the stream... Life with money is stream lined. Point A to point B with lots of entertainment in-between. The rich have their own problems, when you have money your sins are amplified 10 fold, with money comes the responsibility to create equal money to give back, not doing so has a unique set of repricutions.

Dreaming is one of them. When you have dreamt so much, tooken so much, that you cannot see your had from your foot.

Here's a mean one coming...

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that my life after I die will be like my dreams.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be embarrassed that I have formed such a baseless view of life as if my dreams will carry over just as my body does.

(Carry over, as remain here on earth.)

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be embarrassed that my idea of death is like going into an infinite dream because I am ashamed to harbor such a baseless conclusion of what will be left of my mind upon death.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hope that my mind will be well after my death as well within the sea of dreams.

Why do I care if my mind is happy when I die? Should I not leave something here for the dreamers, just like me? To show them what I would have failed to see if we're to die right this instant.

Equal money.

I'm starting to get it.

Equal money equal dream, one earth one body.

Why dream of anything then what's already here existing without a dream.

I don't want to die right now, not without cleaning my mess. Not without being the fucking tool who stood for something of substance... I don't want to die without trying.

Tomorrow's post will be about homework -_- and I hate homework, so that bites...