Day 61- Try Again

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I will inheritly succeed if I try again at a task or goal.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that the act of trying again will result in real change.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that being determined to reach my goal will suffice when no self honesty and introspection is applied in self honesty.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I can reach my goals through repeatedly applying myself without questioning why I have fallen and am trying again.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize when I try something I failed at again and try it again the same way I did the first time, I'm expecting results, but am not as I have not been asking myself why did I fall and why am I trying again.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to expect different results when I try the same thing the same way I did the first time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be stubborn when I say to myself 'I know I can do this'.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself not to take a step back and reacess a situation before trying to assert myself into it again.

My best example is where in my life I'm trying to form a dating relationship, and I haven't developed any serious relationship yet, but I do talk to a lot of different girls though work, dating sites, ect.

What always comes to my mind is this 'girl is the one', but the relationship does not pan out the way I had prescribed it to within myself, and so I try again.

Never questioning why I always believed this time will be it, yet it never has been.

It seems like what I can practically do to support myself is not to keep trying over and over again always thinking this is the one.

But to try again, with a fresh perspective, to try again, after reacessing the situation before jumping back in, thinking eventually she really will be the one for me.

I have to wonder how I come across to women always portraying myself as needing and requiring them to be the one for me, it sounds like too much pressure.

It's just a simple little point that I can take back for myself.

I see how I view myself, like I'm great, so she's mistaken in not putting more effort or being more interested in me.

These are things I can take back to myself.

Yet, instead I just hustle, like try to approach women a different way, try to appear more attractive.

Could I instead stand on principle, as just being myself, and working with who I am, instead of trying to woo, or impress women with fabricated words and character.

That's what I would rather to just be myself, and work on myself, and if someone appreciated that, then maybe that would be a good basis for a connection.

Simple things like that, instead of just jumping back into the midst of things, praying this time I'll succeed, questioning everything allows me a totally different format.

For example work can be very difficult, and instead of just going into work the next day hoping this time things will play out different, I could radically change my goals, like what if I just went back to college instead? To get a degree for a higher paying position that was not as physically demanding?

I can do that because I have the financial capacity to do so, but that's just a personal example of rethinking, before trying again.

Putting less emphasis on try try again, and more on questioning who I am within what I do, and why I'm doing it, ect.

So I switch from 'I have to go back and try again' which is for me frightening and stressful, like I have to do this, but I don't know how.

To, 'how will I do this?'

Intresting.

I commit myself to express myself as acting on 'how will I do this', instead of expressing myself as 'one way or another I will do this'.

Because when I say one way or another I will do this, my intention is to charge back in, mean it I flounder struggle or suffer, and that's the results I get, and sometimes it works.

But in asking how will I do this? I have myself time to prepare, to premeditate, to preposition myself, to write it out, to question, to reassess.

There's no need to rush back into the heat of thing, when I can sit back and turn the flames down.

So I will still try try again, but I will approach it with question, inquires, and postulation.

Because it inheritly appears better in most cases where self honest introspection can be applied.

'Try again tomorrow.'

But if I don't think, and question, and reapply, tomorrow has nothing to offer me, if I do not offer myself some reformating, some reacessing.

It's funny how it almost makes too much sense, but I see how it can be a double edged sword.

Because sometimes situation might require me to just charge back in, no holds barred.

It's a balancing act, sometimes I do need to just try again, and get some hands on expiernece, but once I see myself not gaining traction, it becomes counter intuitive to rush back into a situation that I had just fallen within.

Sometimes you act and sometimes you question.

So for me, it's about balance.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place more value on acting, than I do on taking back and questioning.